


Finding Diamonds

by benchofindigo



Series: Diamonds [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-08-23 00:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 46,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16608545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benchofindigo/pseuds/benchofindigo
Summary: Finn is on the Falcon exploring the Outer Rim and needless to say, it's not always pretty.Poe is in the thick of the Inner Rim politics and he's drowning.Both of them feel like they're missing something.The aftermath of the war.





	1. The First Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2! Need to read part 1 for this to make sense.

_Poe,_

_I know you probably don’t want to hear from me, but well I don’t want to become a stranger to you. I don’t even know if you’ll read this, but I hope you do. You don’t have to write back… you probably won’t… but I’m going to keep writing you letters anyways._

_I want you to know that I understand why you are mad and I don’t blame you. I can’t imagine what you lost that day and I am so sorry that I am the reason for that. It was incredibly selfish of me and yet I still can’t bring myself to regret that decision. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. Maybe. I don’t know._

_I won’t however stop myself from living my life. I’ve never really had the opportunity to really choose what I want to do and so I’m going to start doing that. And I hope you are happy with the choices you’ve made and you find your happiness again._

_Right now, we are going to pick up three children who are suspected to be Force sensitive. How crazy is that? Rey wants to start building a school of sorts to teach them after we deal with the Snoke stuff, but I’m still wary of that. Will I even be good around children? I mean, I never got to be one so how will I know what the best way to teach them is? Can I even teach them? I can’t use the Force anymore… it’s doesn’t really work for me. Which is fine I guess, I’ve lived most my life without it so I don’t need it. ~~~~_

_Anyways, so that’s what has been going on. It would be nice to hear from you, but you don’t have to. I’m still going to write you these letters, telling you about my life, but I don’t expect anything in return. I still think we can be friends though, that’s why I’m doing this._

_I wish you all the best,_

_Finn._

Poe doesn’t know how many times he’s read that letter. The words embedded in his memory even though they don’t really hold anything profound. An apology that Poe has come to realize that isn’t needed, information of what Finn is doing, a hope that they can be friends.

Friends.

No love confession, no asking for Poe back. No missing him. Friends.

It’s frankly what Poe deserves.

His alarm beeps, informing him that session is starting in fifteen minutes and he has to get to the Senate.

With a sigh he closes the letter. It’s been a week since he received it and he hasn’t responded, nor has Finn sent another one. He wonders if Finn was saying the truth when he says he will keep sending letters even if he gets radio silence. How long will that last?

He pushes such thoughts to the side and quickly exits his room, BB8 by his side. His droid is, understandably, unhappy with the arrangements. It has nothing to do except follow Poe around and has complained numerous of times that it is bored and wants to go out flying again.

Poe hasn’t personally flown himself since the First Order’s defeat. He was just a passenger on the ship that carried him and Senator Mandi to Naboo where the political hub of the New Republic is being formed once again. That was the last time he was in the air. He doesn’t even take a land speeder to get around. He has rooms close to the Senate and anything else is reachable by the public skyrails.

It’s his way of punishing himself he supposes.

BB8 informs him that it isn’t healthy. Poe doesn’t listen.

“Ready for another day of nonsense?”

Poe looks up and smiles at Reia who is waiting outside of the Senate, her charge Otto, is currently engaged in a com call. Otto is the chosen representative of the Qu’mquai people and Reia has been tasked as his bodyguard.

Reia is probably the only bright spot in this whole mess that Poe has gotten himself into. She and him quickly became friends over their mutual dislike of most of the Senators and their pompous ways. That and added to the fact that they both had actually fought against the First Order had made it really easy for them to bond.

One friend in a sea of monsters. That is Poe’s life now.

“Looking forward to it,” he drawls.

She laughs, shaking her head. “You better go inside, Otto’s going to take awhile and I think Senator Mandi wants to talk to you.”

Poe rolls his eyes, but enters the room nonetheless. Out of all of the Senators, Senator Mandi is actually not that bad, but she is still a Senator and more often than not gets on Poe’s nerves. She does actually want to make the galaxy better though, so he can’t complain too much. He just hates how much diplomatic bullshit has to take place before anything even remotely helpful gets done. And right now it feels like more harm than good is happening.

He spies Senator Mandi at the front and goes to take the seat left open at her side. “You wanted to speak to me?”

“Ah Dameron, yes,” she says, “I wish to discuss with you about the upcoming elections.”

Poe freezes. Elections?

Seeing his confusion, Senator Mandi shakes her head minutely and sighs. “Yes, it is high time that a Chancellor is elected and everyone else’s Senate seat is up for grabs. I am going to be running for the Chancellor seat and I need your help to win it, but I would also like you to run for Yavin 4’s seat.”

Poe stares at her aghast. “When I agreed to help you there was nothing about me becoming a Senator.”

Senator Mandi glares at him. “Dameron, I need you to not be naïve. Things are drastically different from what I had thought the political landscape would be like when I asked you to join my team. If we are to make any changes, we are going to need all the seats we can get.”

Poe swears internally because he knows she’s right. Despite what the First Order did, most of the Senate doesn’t really care about making changes and bettering the galaxy, they just wanted power and lots of it. “Who’s opposing you?”

“Senator Hunter.”

This time Poe actually swears outload, but low enough to not draw attention to him. Hunter is a shark and his views are far to the right. The galaxy would not be in a good place if he became the Chancellor. “How much support does he have?”

“Less than half as of now, but he’s gaining traction. That’s why I need your help.”

“I’m not a politician.”

“All I need you to do is be your charismatic self.”

Poe grimaces. Thing is, he isn’t all that charismatic anymore. Kriff, sometimes he can barely convince himself to get up in the morning, how in the Maker is he supposed to convince others that they need to vote with him?

Staring across the room at Hunter however and watching him laugh obtusely, Poe knows he has to try, for the New Republic is in for a whole lot of trouble if that man gets elected.

The Session that day is to announce that the election period is to begin starting in three days and that’s when it’s basically a free for all in terms of advertising and propaganda. That’s going to be fun.

It is also the session where hopefuls announce they are running for the race. The only requirements are you need to already hold a Senate seat, and you need to have someone back you.

One of the Senators loyal to Senator Mandi backs her when she puts her name forward. The same happens for Hunter, followed by loud applause from his followers. Poe has a bad feeling in his gut.

Two other people put their name forward, but Poe can already tell they stand no chance. It’s between Hunter and Mandi.

Hopefuls for the Senate seats also have to put their names forward. The requirement for those seats are you have to be backed by someone who already has a seat. It’s also good if you try and run for your home planet, but it’s not a requirement. Mandi easily backs Poe’s seat and as promised, Otto’s and the other five displaced representatives who want seats.

Otto is running for the newly created seat for D’Qar, which will be an easy win seeing as no one else is going for that seat. The others still don’t have homes for their people yet and so are trying their luck with other planets. Some are putting their name down on the planets they were displaced from, others are going for planets they figure they have a chance of winning.

Hunter backs a lot of people under his wing into various seats.

This is going to be a vicious election and Poe doesn’t know if he has the energy for it.

Finally, session is over with and they are dismissed. Mandi takes pity on Poe and tells him to go get some rest, but to be ready to form a game plan early the next morning. Poe agrees, though internally he knows that rest is a foreign concept to him.

Still, he makes his way back to his rooms hoping to at least lie down. Reia, however, stops him.

“I think there’s someone you should meet,” she says.

“I’m tired, I don’t want to meet anymore people,” he protests.

She rolls her eyes and leads him down a set of corridors till they are at the parking lot. BB8 beeps excitedly at the thought of getting into one of the vehicles.

“No,” Poe says, backing away.

Reia, however, is not taking no for an answer. “How are you supposed to win your seat if you can’t even keep your eyes open?”

Was he really that obvious?

He probably is, but he chooses to deflect. “Shouldn’t you be looking after Otto?”

She laughs. “My shift is over for the day. It’s not a 24/7 job silly.”

“I’m really tired,” he tries again.

“And I know you are going to go back to your rooms and not sleep,” Reia retorts. BB8 beeps in agreement, the traitor.

“And how is going for a ride with you going to help me?”

Reia smirks. “It’s not the ride, it’s the destination.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Get in Dameron,” she says in lieu of responding and Poe really doesn’t see any other choice so he gets into her airspeeder.

Being up in the air again feels… weird. Especially since he isn’t at the controls. Reia is certainly piloting the airspeeder at a much slower speed than Poe would have, but he supposes that it’s the responsible thing to do. He tries to follow along where they are going, but he soon realizes that she is taking them in a circling route.

“Concerned someone is going to follow us?”

“Can’t ever be too careful, besides I think you’ll want this off your record.”

“Are you taking me to some underground den?” Poe asks, kind of alarmed. He wouldn’t have taken her for the type. Thankfully, she chuckles and shakes her head.

“Don’t get your hopes up.” She doesn’t say anything more and so the rest of the way is silent which does nothing to help Poe’s rising anxiety.

They finally stop down at an in descript building probably about three blocks away from the Senate.

“Are you kriffing kidding me?” Poe complains.

Reia smirks as she gets out of the vehicle. “Stop complaining and come.”

Poe gets out, grumbling under his breath and follows her into the building. It’s a typical office lobby layout, but instead of leading him to the receptionist, Reia takes him straight to the elevator. They go up to the fourteenth floor and exit into a homey lobby space.

The receptionist looks up and smiles at Reia in recognition. “Ah! Reia, didn’t expect you today. Your appointment isn’t till Zhellday.”

“Actually, I’m here for my friend’s appointment – Johnson.”

Poe looks on in bafflement as the receptionist checks her list then smiles and confirms the appointment, telling them to take a seat and that the doctor will be with them shortly.

“You took me to a doctor?” Poe hisses. Outside of Doctor Tru he doesn’t trust anyone with his health, and even Doctor Tru is on thin ice at times.

Reia gives him a look. “Therapist.”

Poe’s jaw drops open. “No.”

Reia sighs. “Oh please, you know you need it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of – you’re a war veteran and you have lost many people close to you. Anyone with eyes can tell that you are suffering and need help. At least try.”

“I can’t just tell a random person my problems,” Poe argues.

“Dr. Theely is very reputable and trustworthy. I’ve been going to her for years.”

That stops Poe short. “Years?”

Reia grimaces and turns away. “I have my problems, as have many others. Nothing you discuss with her comes out of that room.”

Poe shakes his head, still not liking the idea. How can someone understand what he’s gone through… what he’s currently going through. Kriff, he was legally dead…

“She might even be able to help you with your… touch problem.”

Poe flinches. Right… he’s figured he’s gotten better with it, but really, he has just been kidding himself. Frankly, he’s just been avoiding touch at all costs. Handshakes are okay, but he makes sure to avoid any pats on the back or shoulders or anything else. For now, no one has noticed anything, but who knows how long that’s going to last. Perhaps seeing a therapist might be a good thing.

A woman comes out and greets Reia with familiarity then smiles over at Poe. “So Mr. Johnson, are you willing to have a little chat?”

Poe looks over at Reia who smiles encouragingly. He takes a deep breath. “Yeah, okay.”

In the end the session wasn’t so bad, they didn’t really get too deep, just basic stuff about how Poe has some trouble sleeping and talking about the upcoming election and what that’ll mean stress wise for him. She’s nice and understanding and exceedingly patient.

“Mr. Johnson,” she says at the end, “it’s up to you if you want to come back. I feel like this could be something useful for you, especially during these next couple months, but as always, it’s your decision.”

Poe is quiet as he thinks it over. He looks up. “My medical doctor says there is nothing physically wrong with me, but whenever people touch me it hurts. Do you know anything about that?”

“There are certain conditions that cause your body to feel pain when it isn’t there. Unfortunately, we don’t have time today to discuss them, but if you are willing to come back for another session, we can certainly look into that and talk about possible treatments.”

And that’s the clincher. For if there are possible treatments for his condition than he wants to try them. For even though they are now only friends he wants to one day be able to hug Finn again.

“Yeah okay, I’ll come back.”

She smiles and they set up an appointment.

Back at his room Poe feels immensely drained, but he knows he still won’t be able to go to sleep. Instead he grabs his pad… and nearly drops it when he sees another letter from Finn.

He sent another one.

With a trembling finger he opens it, not sure what to expect.

_Poe,_

_Hope you are doing well. We have now started on our epic quest to find the origins of Snoke. None of us have any idea what to expect or where to even look so right now we’re kind of just picking random planets and going to them. I don’t think any of us are in any hurry to actually find out about him… but if you happen to come across any information we would really love it if you could let us know. No pressure though, I’m sure your really busy with your political career. How’s that going by the way?_

_Anyways, we found those three kids. One of them had a broken ankle, but Sam… Dr. Tru, fixed him right up. Apparently all three of them are Force sensitive according to Pellqua – can you imagine? Rey confirmed it, but I can’t tell. Still receiving nothing from the Force no matter how long I meditate. Kriff I hate meditation – you have no idea. But yeah, we dropped the kids off with Maz back at Olcrest city. They are all excited to start training and were a bit disappointed that they won’t be starting right away. They’ll receive much needed schooling while are gone though. Poor things don’t even know how to read! Even the First Order thought it was important to teach us that._

_So yeah, that’s what’s been happening in my life. Hope you’re doing well and I’ll keep you updated._

_All the best,_

_Finn_  

+

_Finn,_

_It is good to hear from you. I’m glad the children are alright and I’m sure you will be a great teacher when the time comes. Don’t worry I’m sure your Force problems are just like growing pains, you’ll get over it and soon become the best jedi in the galaxy (don’t tell Rey I said that!)._

_Glad to hear you’re getting the chance to explore the galaxy. It can be a beautiful place… though quite dangerous too so be careful. Be especially on the lookout for swindlers, they’ll always jump at the chance to scam you! I’m sure you can handle yourself though._

_I’m currently putting my name in to run for a Senate seat, so hopefully I get that. Going to start campaigning soon so you might be seeing my face in propaganda floating around if you’re in a planet more closely affiliated with the New Republic. It’s going to be really cheesy so please don’t laugh!_

_Anyways, send my love to the others,_

_Cheers,_

_Poe_

Finn had not expected to receive a letter from Poe, especially not one so soon, so to say he is surprised is an understatement when he sees the notification on his pad.

His heart is beating rapidly in his chest when he opens it and he has to read it three times before he understands what is being said. It’s friendly and easy, like two old friends sending letters back and forth. Nothing more.

It’s better than anything Finn expected, but he can’t help but feel a bit disappointed. Poe is obviously fitting in at his new job, kriff he’s even going to be trying to get a Senate seat. That’s impressive.

Finn makes a note to look out for that propaganda… for research purposes of course.

He sighs and leans back against his bed, his thoughts a mess.

_Send my love to the others._

But what about him?

Finn scowls at himself for being a pining idiot and throws the pad across the bed.

He tries to settle his mind into mediation like Rey and Pellqua have been trying to teach him, but once again it doesn’t work. The Force is ever illusive and Finn is starting to question whether there is even any point in continuing to try. This is obviously not something he’s supposed to master.

Needless to say, Finn’s in a weird mood when they land on this back water nobody planet. It’s a big den for crimes and illegal activity and he knows that none of them want to stay here for long.

They stick to the safer areas at first, but it soon becomes apparent that they won’t find any information again. They aren’t finding anything and they keep going to more hopeless places where they aren’t equipped to help out.

Seeing as none of them want to stay here it’s agreed that they’ll leave in the morning and for safety sleep in the Falcon that night

Thing is, Finn feels this itch and though he knows he should stay in the Falcon he’s restless and depressed. Besides, he knows he won’t be able to fall asleep – he hasn’t had a good night sleep since…

So, in the late hours of the night he slips out of the Falcon and starts walking around the streets. There are still a lot of people milling around, such is the type of city they have landed in; he keeps his head down and his pace up as he walks, more needing to clear his mind than having a destination in mind.

Eventually his feet lead him to a canteen. It’s not super busy and has a mellow sort of feel to it so he heads in.

He orders a tea which gets him a strange look but he doesn’t like the taste of alcohol and he doesn’t want to lose his wits.

He takes his tea and sits in a corner, staring around the place, but not really seeing it. Soft music is playing from somewhere and most people are either quietly talking in their groups or alone like him.

“I didn’t expect to find a war hero out in a backwater place like this.”

Finn instantly tenses and his hand goes to his blaster under his jacket – Poe’s old jacket.

“Easy friend.” It’s a Nebu male, made clear by his dark red skin and stark white hair. His eyes are a clear crystalline blue and he is huge, having at least a foot over Finn and well muscled at that. He is quite handsome if Finn does say so, but his presence and approach puts Finn on edge.

“What do you want?” Finn demands, his hand not leaving his blaster. He doesn’t have much money on him, but like the man said – he is a glorified war hero. Who knows what people think they could ransom him for.

“I just want to talk, mind if I sit?”

Finn stares hard at the man, not wanting to engage in conversation with him, but the other man is smiling and looking so hopeful that in the end Finn gives in.

“Fine, what is your name?”

“Tristan, Tristan Calex. Was born and raised on Naboo and you – correct me if I’m wrong – are Finn Nuobi. Hero of the galaxy.”

Finn shrugs. “It was a team effort.”

“Of course, of course,” Tristan says, “but what brings you here?”

“I could ask you the same question,” Finn retorts.

Tristan doesn’t seem to mind the brusque response for he laughs, eyes sparkling. Damn the man is handsome. “Long story short, I’m doing research. I want to get into politics, hopefully one day get a seat on the Senate, but I want to actually do good. Not just do the same shit that’ been going on for years. So, I’m going to these Outer Rim planets to find out how they work, what the major problems are and potential ways to fix them Build a portfolio off of all that and hopefully it will provide a good argument for change.”

Finn has to say he is impressed. “How’s that been going?”

Tristan sighs. “Everywhere I go more problems get added to the list.”

Finn laughs. “That’s usually how it works.”

Tristan shakes his head. “Some of them have easy solutions, like the planets that have a water shortage -  you rig up an exchange relay and mass produce purifiers. But, kriff, there are some problems that… Like I really hope the rumors I’m hearing about the gladiator war prisoner games aren’t true. How would you even go about confronting that?”

Finn shrugs. “Sorry man, not my area.”

Tristan half smiles and shrugs, then changes the subject. “So what are you doing? Now that the wars over and all.”

“Just exploring the galaxy.”

“And you chose to start with the Outer Rim?” he asks in disbelief.

“It’s as good a place as any,” Finn replies. “Anything is better than the First Order.”

Tristan, however, shakes his head. “There are just as bad powers out there. They’re just better at not drawing attention to themselves and knowing their limit. Most of these planets are like this because the powerful are corrupt.”

And yeah Finn knows that, can see it everywhere they went, but he is too tired to really do anything about it. All his life he has been fighting or training to fight. And as much as he wants to eradicate the galaxy of injustices, he doesn’t know if he has the energy.

Tristan must sense the dip in Finn’s mood for he reaches over and grasps Finn’s hand. Finn stares at it in shock, still not used to casual touches. He remembers the first time he grabbed Rey’s hand and how she had yanked it away.

Then later on she had reached for him and that had meant everything to Finn. He had always wanted to try holding another’s hand, such contact deemed unsuitable for a Stormtrooper. He remembers seeing a portion of a holovid episode that had been smuggled into their dorm when he was younger. One of the scenes had a man and a woman holding hands ad looking at each other fondly. Finn remembers wanting that.

Now this stranger is holding Finn’s hand and Finn is not sure how to compute that information. He starts understanding why Rey had been annoyed the first time, but at the same time, he doesn’t mind all that much either.

“You’ve already done so much for the galaxy. No one will mind if you spend the remainder of your days partying in some big mansion.”

Finn’s mind flashes back to the Casino on Canto Bite. It had been fully destroyed by the First Order attack, but it’s the first thing being rebuilt. Finn had been fascinated by it all – the luxury and extravagance so vastly different from the strict order he was used to in the First Order. That wonder had been short lived though. “Not my style.”

“What is your style?”

“I haven’t found it yet,” Finn replies.

“Fair enough. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Finn doesn’t know. The whole figuring out who you are thing isn’t working out all that great for him.

“So, how long are you staying here?” Finn asks, changing the subject.

“Going to try and find a ride out of here tomorrow. Been here for a week and I’m done.”

Finn whistles. “Wow, we only lasted two days, heading out tomorrow as well.”

Tristan laughs. “Don’t blame you. Unless you like drinking yourself to the ground and paying for sex, this is a trying place to stay.”

Finn laughs along with Tristan. The man has a beautiful laugh. It’s then that Finn realizes that Tristan is still holding his hand. It’s this gesture that makes Finn do what he does next.

“Hey, do you want to hitch a ride with us tomorrow? We’re heading to Xu-va, so if that’s the direction you’re heading it could save you a few credits.”

Tristan’s face lights up. “Really? You wouldn’t mind? Cause that would be awesome!”

“Yeah, it’s all good. Meet me at the docks tomorrow – we’re in the Falcon. It’s –”

“I know what the Falcon looks like. I’ll find you.”

“Cool!”

“Cool!”

They both grin at each other. Finn feels something flutter in his stomach. It’s new and exciting and Finn can’t help but want to explore it.

_Poe,_

_It’s good to hear from you ~~. I was afraid I would never hear from you again.~~ We’re still just wandering aimlessly around the Outer Rim. Don’t think your propaganda posters will reach out here, but I will keep an eye out for them!_

_Only new bit of news is we have a new passenger with us – his name’s Tristan and kriff is he handsome. ~~Not as handsome as you~~. He’s Nebu so he has the beautiful red skin and so many muscles! I don’t know how someone could get so muscular! Rose teases me for my obvious attraction towards him, but she says that he’s obviously attracted to me too so there’s hope! He fits in really well with the crew and gets along with everyone… except for Pellqua. She acts frosty around him for whatever reason. Will have to talk to her about it. ~~Is it bad that I’m telling you this in the hopes of getting you jealous?~~_

_Anyways! He wants to get into politics so maybe you could help out there? I’m positive you’ll get along great._

_How’s the campaign coming along BTW? I bet you’re killing it!_

_Alright, got to go. Best of luck!_

_Finn_

_~~P.S. I miss you.~~ _


	2. Unfortunate Games

Things are falling apart and Poe doesn’t know what to do.

He was right about Hunter – that man is scum and is determined to get his way no matter what.

At first it was just snide remarks and jabs about Mandi’s political past, but her reputation is much more esteemed than Hunter’s so he couldn’t keep that up.

Now he’s creating a smear campaign against her focusing on how she helped the Qu’mquai people.

When Poe first hears what Hunter is doing he laughs, for isn’t that political suicide? The Qu’mquai people are war heroes, people support them. Senator Mandi’ stare at Poe makes the laughter die out pretty quickly.

“People like the romantic idea of them, but don’t care much for the actual people. D’Qar was supposed to be turned into a military base for the New Republic. Me ruining that is not going to look good to a lot of people and Hunter knows this.”

Poe gapes. “But homes for people is more important than setting up military facilities. The war is over!”

“You really need to stop being naïve Dameron. The rich don’t care for the poor and it’s the rich we need to win over.”

“But what about the other refugees? The ones who still don’t have homes?”

Mandi laughs depressingly. “Unless I win there is no chance of finding them homes. I’m positive creating distaste for refuges is high on Hunter’s campaign agenda.”

Poe feels out of place. He just doesn’t understand the intricacies of politics. Shouldn’t those vying for top spot want to better the galaxy for everyone? Not just their own group?

But then with the Empire then the First Order he supposes that he should realize that is never the case.

“The only good thing about all this is that you’re a for sure win,” Mandi says.

Poe grimaces. Yeah, she keeps saying that and by the looks of the polls his seat is practically secured, but thing is – he’s not in any condition to be a Senator.

He now goes to weekly sessions with Dr. Theely and they are helping. She’s provided him with techniques to help with his anxiety and methods to get back to sleep after a nightmare. It also helps to just talk about his problems and horrors. However, in the process he’s realized that he is not mentally stable and Dr. Theely agrees that assessment.

He still can’t handle any sort of touch, no matter what treatments she tries and there are a lot of things that trigger Poe. He still can’t fly either which is slowly killing him. He also, Dr. Theely remarks, has an unhealthy attachment to BB8. Well, she calls it unhealthy, he politely disagrees. At least she doesn’t try to separate them. He needs his droid and for now he has bigger problems than being too attached to it.

Point is, to be a Senator you need to be at the top of your game and Poe isn’t. if Hunter or one of his cronies got whiff of Poe’s messed up state they would be quick to capitalize on it.

He knows he should say something. Dr. Theely has advised against his running multiple times, but he doesn’t for he can’t let Mandi down, nor Otto for that matter.

If Hunter really is going to start a smear campaign against the Qu’mquai people then Otto is going to be caught right smack in the middle of it and he’s going to need all the help he can get.

Needless to say, it’s all exhausting and Poe wishes he never got caught up in any of it, but at least it keeps him busy. Any downtime gives him time to think and when he thinks, his mind always goes to Finn and that’s never a good thing.

Dr. Theely thinks he should quit and go find Finn and fix things with him. She thinks that’s the best course of action. What she doesn’t know though is that Finn’s moved on so Poe is left in limbo on that front. And even if he wasn’t, Poe’s not sure he could. Not because he hasn’t forgiven Finn, because he has, but because Finn doesn’t deserve to be brought down by someone as broken as Poe. Kriff, Poe doesn’t even know if he’s able to be intimate with someone anymore. Yeah, Finn doesn’t need that in his life.

So, he’s in no mood when he wakes up and finds out that Hunter has sent out a message – and it’s gaining traction.

_Citizens of the New Republic. As you know elections will soon be upon us and I want you all to truly consider the direction you want our galaxy to head towards._

_We have just come out of a horrific war and we want to make sure that such a thing never happens again. In order for that to be the case, we need to be prepared and that means having the space and resources to create military equipment that will prevent the destruction that so many of us had to face._

_I’m willing got do whatever it takes to make that happen._

_Senator Mandi on the other hand doesn’t have those concerns in mind._

_Instead of your safety she is thinking of the insignificant, the little. She has already given D’Qar away to useless homeless people on land that was ample space for military investment. She’s also planning on creating more space for other refuges. Spending valuable resources on people who have never done anything to better society. She cares more about them than she does about you._

_Is that the person you want as Chancellor?_

_If no, which I’m sure is the case, then vote for my party. Vote for Hunter._

Poe is enraged.

Useless refugees!? If they are given a home he can guarantee that they wouldn’t be useless, and since when is that a criterion to be part of the system? Poe knows of many useless people out there and none of them are refugees.

He tunes into Senator Mandi’s response and is disappointed by the results.

_I do not care more about the refugees over the citizens of the New Republic. Yes, military investment is a key part in my plan, there are more places than D’Qar to do that._

Poe shuts it off. He paces his room feeling enraged, but also helpless. He now knows why Pellqua has such hatred towards the New Republic, he’s starting to hate it too.

There’s a knock at the door and his sensors tell him it’s Otto and Riem. He lets them in.

“So I’m guessing you’ve heard.” Riem remarks, taking in his antsy behaviour.

“You’ve got no idea! Senator Mandi warned me this would happen, but I didn’t really believe her, but this?”

Otto sits down with a sigh. “The only reason they haven’t gone after me is they don’t have a footing with the Qu’mquai people yet and I’m sure to win my seat. Once this election is over they’ll start making moves and will be quick to try and kick me out.”

“But it’s your people that are voting for you. How can they take you down?”

Otto looks at him with pity. “My people are not a hive mind. There is greed and corruption among them like everyone else. With the right bribes and promises they’ll find someone who will run against me and fallow their agenda.”

Poe curses. “But they’ll be in the minority, right?”

“Depends on how fast immigration will set in,” Otto remarks, “and if Hunter wins he’ll make it as easy as possible for people to move to D’Quar… people he can control.”

This all feels like one big game and they are not winning.

“They’ll also likely use my status as a trans man against me.”

Poe looks up alarmed. “Why would they do that?”

Riem laughs coldly. “The New Republic has done its best to emulate the Old Republic. Traditions and discriminatory ones at that, were rampant back then and will be rampant now.”

Otto nods his head. “There are norms and if you don’t fit in them they’ll use that to their advantage.”

Poe feels sick.

“But that’s not something we have to worry about just yet,” Otto continues, “for now we have to ensure that Senator Mandi wins the Chancellor’s Seat.”

_Finn_

_Are you sure your new friend Tristan wants to get into politics? It’s a rough job that if you have a conscience will quickly destroy you. Good thing my conscience was destroyed long ago haha._

_No, but seriously, tell Pellqua that I’m sorry I ever doubted her. Everyone here is a bunch of dickbags I hate it. My therapist is even telling me I shouldn’t run for a Senate seat, but it’s too late to back out now._

_Anyways, best of luck with wooing Tristan, he would be an idiot to turn you down. Trust me._

_Poe_

+

A month as passed since Tristan has come on board the Falcon. They are now more or less following Tristan’s schedule since its both easier to do and feels more pressing. They still monitor coms and comb through resources but the search for Snoke’s origins sort of fell off the radar. Finn still hasn’t told Tristan what they were doing, preferring to let him believe they are just travelling the galaxy for fun.

Tristan seems to buy it and he for sure doesn’t complain when they start helping him.

As for their relationship… well it’s progressing, but neither of them have made the first move. Finn isn’t even sure he should, knowing he is still kind of hung up over Poe. Rey tells him to go for it, believing a rebound will do wonders for him. Rose and Kaydel agree. Sam just tells him to use protection which makes Finn’s cheeks burn.

Thing is, he’s never had sex before. It wasn’t forbidden for Stormtroopers but it was really impersonal. A quick fuck to release tension then pretending it never happened. Finn never felt right with that so he didn’t ever ask anyone and being who he was, no one ever asked him.

So, the closest he’s gotten was that night with Poe, which he refuses to think about. Anyways, he does some research into safe sex practices, knowing the basic info the First Order provided probably was out of date. He doesn’t know if he wants to take that step with someone he doesn’t fully love though.

Either way, Finn feels stuck and he doesn’t want to be anymore so he decides to do the thing he’s been putting off for awhile now – having a talk with Pellqua.

Over the past month she has warmed up a bit to Tristan, but that doesn’t mean much. Tristan even came to Finn asking what her problem with him is. Finn brushed it off, saying she was like that with every new person, but Finn knows he has to do something about it.

So, knowing he can’t put it off any longer, he finds Pellqua… who of course is in the middle of a meditation session.

He freezes, not knowing what to do.

He is just considering backing up quietly when she opens her eyes with a heavy sigh.

“What?”

Finn grimaces. “Can we have a talk?”

“Or we could meditate. I know you haven’t been keeping on top of that.”

Finn rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I don’t see the point.”

Pellqua glares at him. “You are Force sensitive Finn. You have –”

“Yeah, yeah save it. Listen, what is your problem with Tristan?”

Pellqua scowls. “Really? That’s what you interrupted my meditation session for?”

“It’s a serious question. Everyone can tell you don’t like him and it’s getting annoying.”

“I have nothing against Tristan,” Pellqua says causing Finn to scoff.

“Then why do you glare daggers at him every time he’s in the same room as you?”

Pellqua looks like she’s going to argue, but she must sense that Finn is not in the mood for her face falls and she gets up off the floor, sitting down on the sofa and patting for Finn to do the same. He sits down cautiously and waits.

“First, I don’t glare daggers at him when you aren’t around.”

Finn glares at her.

“Second, Finn, the thing you have to understand is that in my culture when two beings form a life bond, it’s for life.”

“What?”

“Like what me and Artero have.”

“What does this have to do –”

“If it were a different timeline, different circumstances I would be fine with Tristan and you exploring a relationship.”

“Wait, is casual dating not allowed in your culture?”

Pellqua sends him a glare. “Let me finish.”

Finn manages not to roll his eyes and remains silent.

“Most of my people do not form a life bond with another person. They date and form relationships like most other cultures do in this galaxy. A life bond is a serious commitment that is only completed when the two – and in rare instances three – people are certain that they are the others’ missing piece – the completion of their souls.”

“What does this have to do with me and Tristan?”

“You and Poe have formed a life bond.”

Finn freezes. “What?”

“It certainly wasn’t the traditional way of doing it, but you brought him back from the dead forming an attachment and continued it by Poe letting you into his mind to heal him.”

“That’s…”

“It’s there, I can sense it and before you start refuting it know that if two people try and from a life bond and aren’t compatible it won’t work.”

Finn doesn’t know what to think. It seems impossible. “You must be mistaken.”

“Finn, it’s linked with the Force. I’m not mistaken.”

But it’s bullshit. He can’t be life bonded or whatever the fuck it is with Poe. He refuses to even consider it. “That doesn’t even make sense. So I enter his mind and suddenly we’re bound for life? Seems very one sided to me.”

“That’s because you haven’t finished it. It’s currently left open and while you can live that way the both of you will always feel incomplete. It’s why I haven’t been able to get behind Tristan. Everyone can see the instant attraction, but I know it’s not going to work. I tried being hostile in the attempt to get him to leave, but seeing as that hasn’t worked I’ve backed off for now.”

Finn can’t believe her. “Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t get to decide or dictate my love life, especially without telling me. Kriff! You should have told me about your stupid life bond if you really wanted to help. Like what the fuck? You chose to be hostile to a nice, sweet guy? What is…? Why?”

“I’m sorry… I thought…”

“I don’t want to hear it. Whatever relationships I decide to pursue will be my choice. Life bond or not. Don’t ever try and mess with me again.”

There is silence for a beat, then, “Okay. I’m sorry.”

“Save it,” Finn spits, how can he really believe the apology is real? “just start treating Tristan with respect.”

She nods.

Finn storms out of the room.

_Poe_

_I need you help – how do you even ask a guy out? Like do you get them flowers? Or is that better suited for girls? Does it matter the gender? Ugh this is so confusing!_

_Sounds like you are having a rough time at Naboo. Hopefully those dickbags aren’t treating you badly… though you are the most conscience-filled person I know so it’s a bit concerning to hear you say that. Tristan wants to implement real change though, that’s his goal. I think he’s the guy who actually can do it._

_You’re seeing a therapist? How’s that going? Does she have any tips to help someone with insomnia sleep at night?_

_Finn_


	3. Loss

Senator Mandi loses.

By two fucking seats.

Poe has to watch in disgust as Chancellor Hunter steps up to the dais and accepts the pin symbolizing his leadership. Around the arena people are clapping and cheering.

Beside him, senator Mandi and Otto are diplomatically clapping. Poe can’t bring himself to do the same. He is not a diplomat, never been one and he does not respect Hunter so he will not pretend to do so.

At least the three of them won their Senate seats, so there’s that.

Poe still can’t quite believe that he’s now a Senator. He knows it’s going to be hell.

“So what happens next?” Poe asks.

“Nothing good,” Otto responds.

Senator Mandi shakes her head. “We continue to play the game like we’ve always done.” Seeing their faces she purses her lips. “This isn’t the end of the world. Hunter might not be a great choice, but it’ s not like he’s the First Order.”

“The First Order shouldn’t be a standard to compare against. At least they aren’t as bad? Bullshit. To those millions of refugees it’s all the same,” Poe hisses.

Otto is staring out at Hunter miserably. “To think I thought there was hope for change.”

Poe doesn’t know what to say to that, for he’s right. Poe also thought there would be change, but now he’s confronted with how corrupt the system he grew up in really is.

Out in the hall Hunter approaches Poe with a sickly smile on his face. Poe wants to punch him.

“Dameron! Congrats on your massive seat win. You probably won your seat by the biggest margin in history. My guy didn’t even stand a chance!”

Poe forces a smile. “Well, what can I say? I’ve always been charismatic.”

Hunter laughs like Poe just made the biggest joke in the world. It annoys Poe to no end.

“That you are, that you are. Listen, Dameron, I have a policy idea in mind that I would like to run by you.”

Poe raises his eyebrows immediately suspicious. “You do realize I put my support behind Senator Mandi, right?”

Hunter smiles at Poe but this time there is a dark edge to it. His tone remains joyful though, “Of course! Shame really, but you do you. No, but this policy concerns you.”

“Me?”

“Yes!” Hunter moves to put his arm around Poe who immediately steps back to avoid the contact. He quickly grabs a glass of champagne to look like there was a reason for his sudden movement even though he doesn’t drink anymore. Dr. Theely practically ordered him not to drink.

Thankfully Hunter doesn’t try to put his arm around him again though he does lead Poe to a quiet corner. “Listen, the war has been tough on everyone and that should be acknowledged. So, I was thinking of creating a Holiday – A remembrance day for the anniversary of the Starkiller deaths. What do you say?”

Poe stares at Hunter trying to figure out his deal. This is why he’s not a politician – he has no idea what Hunter’s game is. On the surface, Hunter’s idea is fine – there should be a Remembrance day for those deaths. Question is, why come to Poe? Sure he was active in the war, but anyone could have told Hunter that it’s a good idea.

Something is a play here. Thing is, Poe has no idea what.

“That sounds fine,” Poe says.

Hunter beams. “Excellent, so I can put you down as the sponsor!”

Shit.

“Hang on –”

“Oh? You don’t want to sponsor this? You’re actively against it?”

This little shit of a man. “No, but –”

“Then perfect! I’ll have the paperwork all sorted out for next week. It’ll be my first policy to put in place.”

He walks off before Poe can get in another word.

Fuck.

Poe can’t believe he fell for that.

He spots Mandi and hurries over, pulling her aside and telling her what happened. She stares at him in disbelief. “Do you realize what this means?”

“Yes,” he replies sullenly.

“Do you? Because I’m not sure you do.”

“Yes. I’ve basically put myself in a position where it looks like I support him.”

“Not only that, but it sends a message that you are agreeance with his policies.”

“I’m agreeing with one of them, not all. How is it extrapolated from that?”

“This policy is going to be very public. A Remembrance Day? Where people get the day off work? They’re going to like that and they’re going to see that you supported it alongside Hunter and that’s all it takes. The majority of people don’t pay attention to the other stuff that’s going on, but that is something they’ll remember and it will go a long way in shaping their vote next time.”

Poe really wants to curse but all he can do is sigh and sit, stumped. “Can I back out?”

“And risk a smear campaign against you? No. We can work with this even if it’s a pain in the ass, you not supporting the fallen would have ruined us.”

“What would you have suggested I do then?” Poe asks.

“You should have said that we had a similar bill and it would be a great opportunity to compare notes.”

“Did we have a bill?”

Mandi stares at him in frustration. “We would have made one! Like Hunter’s team is doing right now.”

Oh.

“But now you can’t be in a situation to make bargains or changes. You practically have to accept it as it.”

“I’m sorry,” says Poe, feeling miserable but at the same time annoyed. “This is what you get for hiring a fly boy.”

“No. I hired the leader of the Resistance. I’m still waiting for him to show up.”

_Finn_

_I screwed up big time today and it’s my first day as a Senator. I fucking suck at my job. And hate it too! I’m not sure how fast policies move through the system but I’ll keep you informed with Hunter in charge he’s bound to make bad changes. Especially affecting the Qu’mquai people. They’ll most likely continue to ignore the Outer Rim though so you’ll probably be fine._

_How did my suggestions work? Did you ask Tristan out yet? I’m not the best at giving advice so sorry if it didn’t work out. People assume that I’m good at that sort of thing, but I’m not actually all that experienced… anyways! I’m sure you didn’t even need help. Just by being you Finn you have all the game in the world._

_Let me know!_

_Poe_

_+_

Pellqua stops acting cold around Tristan so that’s better, but Finn and Pellqua are not on speaking terms. Finn refuses to say why when asked and Pellqua just says that she made a mistake.

Artero understands, at least part of it for he approaches Finn one day soon after. “I’m sorry I should have done or said something. I had thought you had known.”

“Doesn’t excuse her behaviour,” Finn retorts.

Artero sighs. “She’s not perfect, I can give you that, but she is right – you and Tristan won’t last.”

“You don’t know that,” Finn snaps back. Artero just gives him a long look before wandering off.

That’s the thing that annoys Finn – this belief that the only person suited for Finn is Poe. With the billions upon billions of people in the galaxy, that just didn’t seem right. There’s no way one person could be perfect for you.

And even if there is… him and Poe? That ship has sailed and there’s no returning to it. The best they can achieve is friendship.

So why should he be limited to that?

He deserves to be loved wholly, by a person who will be there for him. He isn’t going to get that from Poe, so he should be able to find it in someone else. And at the moment Tristan seems like a good contender.

However, Pellqua’s words, even though Finn doesn’t want to believe them, have ingrained themselves into Finn’s mind. He tries not to let it bother him but he knows that it has. Because of them he’s pulled back a bit from Tristan.

He knows Tristan has noticed too since he has received more than a few looks of concern from him over the last two weeks. Finn doesn’t know what to do though.

Maybe after this next planet he’ll have an idea.

“Finn get your ass to the engine room,” Rey calls to him over the com.

Finn gets up from where he’s moping and goes to her wondering what use he’ll be, seeing as that’s not his area.

He drops down to the engine room to find Rey practicing the Force – levitating a bunch of tools in the air.

She smiles when she see’s him and sends one of the tools zipping at his head. Finn ducks only just in time. “Hey!”

“Still blocking it I see.”

“You make it sound like I’m the one preventing it from working.”

“Because you are,” Rey says simply like it answers everything. Finn kind of wants to scream in frustration.

“So, did you call me down here to throw tools at me or do you actually need something?”

Rey chuckles, gently putting the tools back in the toolbox using the Force.

“Show off,” Finn mutters, but it’s light-hearted. He’s incredibly proud of how far Rey’s come.

“Finn, you’ve been acting down these last few weeks, what is it?”

Finn suppose he hasn’t been very subtle about it.

So, he tells her about his little chat with Pellqua. Talking about it does nothing to help clarify it though.

Rey is silent for awhile afterwards, mulling it over. “Have you told Tristan about Poe?” she asks finally.

Finn was not expecting that question. “He knows about him yeah.”

Rey levels Finn a glare. “Not just Poe Dameron the war hero turned politician. The Poe you fell in love with.”

Finn sputters. “What? No!”

Rey sighs. “Maybe you should look into why that is.”

Finn stares at her flabbergasted but that apparently is all Rey has to say, for she pulls herself out of the engine room leaving Finn alone.

_Poe,_

_Sounds like you are doing well. Glad to hear of it. We’re doing great over here._

_~~Are you my soulmate? Cause that’s what Pellqua says and frankly if you are you’re a pretty shitty soulmate. Yeah I’m still salty you left. Like what the fuck? You couldn’t even say good bye or anything? After everything we’ve been through? I needed you, or at least needed some form of closure.~~ _

_~~I would have let you go if that’s what you needed. I would have been able to accept that if you had only just talked to me. But no you left me in this limbo with a gigantic fucking hole in my chest and what am I supposed to do now?~~ _

_~~I want to move on with Tristan. I want that more than anything. But I fucking can’t.~~ _

_~~I want to get over you. Why can’t I fucking get over you? Let me get over you.~~ _

_Finn_


	4. Battles and Blackmail

The bill for a galaxy wide Remembrance Day is put through with much fan fair.

There is nothing wrong with the bill itself, it just happens to come with the baggage that Poe’s team can’t afford to have.

Poe is put front and centre of the whole thing. His picture is taken countless times, his hands shaken far too many times to count and he has to do a million and one interviews. He’s given a script made by Mandi’s team to limit some of the damage, and he does not stray from it for even a word. Any attempts to talk about his experiences during the war are also politely, but firmly shut down. He feels drained by it all and wishes he was back in his bed asleep.

That’s been a growing trend of his lately – to just want to sleep. Dr. Theely is worried when he mentions this and prescribes him anti-depressants. At least they’ve now gotten to a point where he’s okay with shaking someone’s hand. That would have made this whole event super awkward and uncomfortable.

The anti-depressants do help… when he remembers to take them. He supposes he should set BB8 the task of reminding him, but he just doesn’t. he doesn’t really understand his own actions sometimes.

Anyways, the day’s events slowly ticked by and he spends far too much time in Hunter’s presence, but finally things settle down and it’s over.

For the most part people are in good spirits and there is hope in the air. Perhaps having Hunter as Chancellor won’t be so bad. Maybe he won’t put in conservative policies that will do harm to society.

Oh how foolish that thought was.

It starts practically the next day.

Senate is called into order and everyone takes their usual seats. Poe is still running on fumes from the previous day’s circus so he’s slouched down in his chair barely keeping his eyes open.

Riem places a giant cup of caf down in front of him, the lifesaver that she is. He’ll have to get her something nice later. For now, he manages a smile for her before taking a giant swing. It helps, but he’s still sluggish and wishing he was anywhere but here.

Mandi shoots him a look when she sits down but Poe ignores her, he deserves a day to slack off. Unfortunately, he’ll soon find out that that day will not be today.

Otto nods his head in sympathy when he sees Poe. At least he understands.

The room comes to order and Hunter steps forward. He does so with a big smile on his stupid face that makes Poe want to punch it off.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, how are we all doing today?” he asks, like he’s putting on a show.

Poe is not in the mood.

Half the room erupts in applause while the other half claps politely it only makes Hunter smile all the wider.

“Well, I for one am ecstatic.”

No one cares dumbass. Should Poe be concerned how snarky this job has made him? Hah, it was bound to happen he muses.

“My first policy change as Chancellor was a major success and I can’t wait to celebrate the new Remembrance Day for years to come.”

Poe can’t believe this man’s choice of words. Celebrate? Is he serious?

“That being said,” Hunter says, face turning serious, “the holiday also serves as a reminder of the horrors that can befall on us if we are not vigilante.”

So far so good.

“As part of my campaign promise, I assured the people that I will never let another First Order rise up again and take over. And I intend on keeping that promise.”

OK.

“In order to do that we need to be prepared and stop any form of uprising that could lead to that happening.”

…where was he going with this?

“This is why I’m proposing a new policy that implements stricter surveillance and monitoring methods.”

WHAT??

“I want more cameras on the streets, greater access to people’s personal communications and more identity scanners to better track people’s movements.”

He has got to be kidding.

Poe looks around the room in horror. Those on Hunter’s side are all nodding their head, while on Mandi’s side for the most part there is a range of disturbed to frustrated, though there are a few who seem to be considering Hunter’s words.

Hunter has finished speaking so the room is now open for questions and comments. Poe slams his hand down on the button before anyone else can get a word in and so his image is enlarged. Hunter looks at the projected image with a mixture of surprise and amusement.

Poe doesn’t even try and hide the anger that is visible on his face. “The First Order’s plans was to do the exact same thing you are proposing. Why are you trying to follow in their footsteps?”

Hunter raises an eyebrow. “We are not the First Order Dameron… does your head need to be checked? Do you need to see a… _therapist?”_

Poe blanches for several seconds. He knows. The damn bastard knows. There is no other way. From the titters that rise up around the room it has never really been a secret. Fuck.

Poe grits his teeth. he can’t let them push him over like that. “I’m well aware that you are not the First Order, that doesn’t stop me from seeing you following their same ideals.”

Hunters tisks. “We are nothing like the First Order. If you had listened to my speech you would have heard that we are doing this to prevent another First Order, not become one.”

“If you really wanted to prevent another First Order you would focus on providing social care of those in need and putting more resources into education _not_ surveillance.”

“That is your opinion Dameron and you are free to draft your own bill for that. For now, though, we are focusing on my bill. Please stay on topic.”

More titers fill the room. Poe wishes he could strangle the man.

“How does putting a massive surveillance system in place, practically identical to the one the First Order was creating, make you any different from them?”

“We are a democratic institution Dameron. That makes all the difference.”

“NO IT DOESN’T!”

Hunter’s eyes flash. “We are a respectful institution and if you can’t show respect to others then you will have to leave.”

Poe is ready to storm out right then, but Mandi reaches over and grips her hand on Poe’s elbow sending a shooting pain throughout his entire body. He drops to his seat, jerking his arm away while gasping for breath. The titers turn into laughter. Mandi’s assistant reaches over and turns off Poe’s projector while Mandi steps forward and starts speaking.

Poe glares at her while she speaks, not catching a word she is saying. And so the session goes on with other people putting in their two pieces, all of them very diplomatic. Poe isn’t paying attention to any of it.

Finally, a recess is called and Poe practically bolts out of his seat and into a side hallway where few enter. A few moments later Riem joins him.

“Are you okay?”

Poe scowls shaking his head. “I hate them all. Every last on. I fucking risked my life countless times just so they can have these little cozy sessions and what do they do with them? Fuck them.”

Riem grimaces. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you really shouldn’t have gotten into politics.”

Kriff knows how right she is. Before anything more can be said, Mandi and Otto approach. Otto looks resigned while Mandi looks furious… at him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing a therapist?” she hisses.

Poe stares at her. “Why the fuck should that matter?”

“This is going to be used against you.”

Poe rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I know, like everything else. I’m a fucking war veteran. I have PTSD, is that suddenly a crime now?”

Mandi sighs, reigning in some of her temper. “Of course not, but you should have told me before seeing a therapist.”

“I’m not going to stop seeing her.”

“I’m not asking you to!” she exclaims, “but if you had told us we could have prepared for it and lessened the impact of it. Now, you have this stamp that you are insane on your head that Hunter will capitalize on. He already has by the looks of things.”

“Well if he knows why didn’t you?”

She glares at him. “It’s your personal life Dameron. I don’t pry.”

“Exactly it’s my personal life –”

“But then you put a target on your back behaving like you did today putting you as enemy number one. Your personal life isn’t safe anymore.”

“It never was by the looks of things.”

“No, but I was enemy number one so it didn’t matter as much, plus they didn’t want to touch you due to your popularity. They will now find a way to destroy you though.”

Poe is sick of this. “You know what? Let them. I don’t care.”

Instead of looking angry or resigned or understanding even, she looks sad, but not in a ‘I don’t want to see you give up’ way. Sad in a ‘I know something you don’t and you’re not going to like it’ way. Poe is immediately on edge.

“What?”

She pulls out her pad and shows him a policy project template. It’s about Finn.

Poe looks at Mandi confused.

“They want to go after Finn, bring him in and put him on trial. Persecute him. My people found this and the only reason the other side isn’t going through with it is because they know the public knows you hold him in high regard. By diminishing you and making you seem crazy they can put this plan into action. If you leave now that will just speed up this process.”

Poe stares at Finn’s face on the form. Beautiful, perfect Finn who was probably the most caring person he’s ever met. And they want to prosecute him?

“They can’t,” he whispers.

“Then get your act together and be ready for the long haul. Things are going to get bad, but I know they don’t want to go after you just yet. Play your cards right and you can protect him.’”

“But that policy…”

“We’ll fight it the right way and hope that we can defeat it.”

Poe knows that’s not going to happen.

Thing is, Finn’s safety is more important to him so he’ll smile and wave and be the circus clown they want him to be.

Because he owes Finn that much.

_Finn_

_~~I just want you to know… I just want you to know that I’ll always protect you. I know you probably don’t believe that, but it’s true. Things are happening here that… well I don’t want to worry you, probably won’t even include this in the letter to be honest, but just know I will do everything in my power to keep you safe.~~ _

_You didn’t mention how things were going with you and Tristan last letter. Did something happen? Are you sure you’re alright?_

_Poe_

+

They all immediately sense something is off the moment they land on the next planet.

A group of delegates are waiting for them as soon as they open the Falcon doors and before they know it they are led to these expensive living quarters and provided with the richest of foods and beverages.

“If you need anything, anything at all, just ask,” one of them says while bowing.

“Yeah, why are you doing this?” Rose is the first to ask.

“We were informed that war heroes must receive the very best of our hospitality.”

“Yeah, we don’t need that,” Kaydel says looking around though there is a glimmer of want in her eyes. Finn doesn’t blame her. the place is decadent as fuck, nothing Finn’s ever experienced before. Just this once they should be allowed to live like Kings and Queens.

“It is our pleasure.”

“Well, if you say so,” Sam says with a shrug and tosses his bag into one of the rooms. The rest quickly do the same then reconvene for the dinner.

A rich man is waiting for them. He stands up with a huge smile as they approach and spreads his arms open. “Welcome friends, come join me.”

“Well, I’m certainly glad I ran into you lot,” Tristan jokes to Finn.

“Yeah, don’t get used to it,” Finn retorts and they both chuckle. He then notices Pellqua watching them and Finn immediately feels awkward. He quickly sits down.

“We’re really glad you chose Lëf as your destination. I do hope that you’ll consider making it out to the games. We have a fight in your honour,” the man continues.

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” Artero asks, Pellqua snorts.

The man looks flustered. “Right, my goodness! Apologies – I’m Sir Peto, one of the two owners of the games. Myself and Sir Gret own the endeavours. As you can see, it has done quite well for us. Unfortunately, Sir Gret is unavailable tonight so it’s just me.”

“Why are you called Sir?” Finn has to ask, it just feels so out of place here.

The man grins showing off his perfectly straight, white teeth. “Well as the highest members of society on this planet, we deserve the right for everyone to call us sir.”

Kriff, the bad feeling Finn has grows ten fold.

“So what brings you here?” Peto asks.

And so the conversation goes. It never goes past surface level and it’s awkward as fuck.

Finn wants nothing more than to retire to the gigantic bed that awaits him, but after dinner Peto practically demands they come to the games with him.

“YOU are the guest of honour! You can’t miss it! Everyone wants to see you.”

Finn really wishes they hadn’t come to this planet, comforts or not.

But, since they don’t have a good enough reason to beg out of the affair they end up heading over to the stadium. It’s a vast arena packed with people and a massive dirt field is at the bottom with gates around the edge. It’s at this moment that Finn realizes that they don’t know what these games entail. Before he can ask, dozens of cameras point their way and roars ring up around the crowd.

They all wave awkwardly as the announcer excitedly introduces them to the audience. Not that they need the introduction by the sound of it.

The platform they are seated on is just as decadent as their rooms. It’s starting to get to be a bit much.

“Let’s all welcome our key note contestants!” The announcer calls out and a roar rings out around the arena again. It’s deafening.

Finn and Rey share a look feeling totally out of their element.

The gates start being pulled up. Besides him Tristan stands up. Finn glances over at him to see that Tristan is rigid, eyes staring at the gates in horror.

“Tristan?”

Tristan’s eyes jerk to Finn still wide and horrified. “Guys, this –”

“Ah, it’s starting,” Peto says, coming back from some conversation he had been engaged in. Tristan turns to look at him in horrified disgust.

Finn yanks Tristan down by the arm. “What is it?”

A horn blares, and two carts from opposite ends of the area come out of the gates.

Kaydel gasps leaping to her feet. Finn follows her eyeline to the cart on the left carrying a black woman dressed in very revealing clothing and holding a spear. Finn vaguely remembers her being a part of the Resistance.

“Holy Kriff! It’s Karé,” Rose breaths looking shocked.

Finn frowns. “One of Poe’s squad mates?”

Rose nods.

“We have to get her out of there,” Kaydel says.

“What is wrong? Do you not like the contestants?” Peto asks.

“This gladiator thing… it’s a slave ring,” Tristan says.

“Yes, so?” Peto asks, as if he genuinely sees nothing wrong with this situation. Finn wants to tear this man apart.

“So!” Kaydel shrieks, “that’s our friend down there!”

Peto looks down at Karé in surprise. “Well, what a coincidence. Better hope she wins.”

The nerve of the man!

Finn steps forward, but then a blast rings out in the air. Everyone ducks, but it’s Peto’s body that falls to the ground chest ripped open.

Pellqua is standing calmly behind him holding this weird contraption. Finn wonders how she had gotten it in seeing as all their weapons had been taken away upon landing.

Pellqua glances over at Artero with a smirk. “Looks like it works.” Artero smiles back looking pleased.

Of course, alarms start blaring around the arena right then.

They all jump into action.

Artero pulls out two more of the contraptions and hands one to Finn. Rey races to the door and knocks two approaching guards against the wall making them fall unconscious. She Force pulls their weapons towards her and hands them to Rose and Kaydel.

“What are you doing?” Tristan asks. Finn looks over at him to find him terrified. Right, he has no combat experience.

“Stay with Sam and get back to the ship.”

Four more guards burst into the hallway. Rey, Pellqua and Artero make quick work of them and pass the weapons to the rest that don’t have them. Tristan looks at his with revulsion.

“Sam, get –”

“No, those prisoners are most likely in poor health, I’m going down there,” Sam says.

And really, Finn can’t argue with that. Question is, how will they even make it down there with all the security measures crashing into place. And also what to do with Tristan who is in no condition to fight.

“I’ll take him,” Pellqua says, grabbing Tristan’s arm.

“But we need you,” Finn protests.

“And you need someone back at the ship ready to make a quick exit and this one won’t make it without someone else.”

Finn has to agree with that point. “Fine, take care of him.”

“I give you my word,” Pellqua says and Finn is momentarily caught up in her intense glare.

Then, Pellqua pulls Tristan in the opposite direction and Finn runs to join the others shooting at the guards.

Rose manages to jam open an elevator and Rey leaps down the shaft. Surprisingly, Sam follows her. The others aren’t skilled enough to follow them, so they hold off the guards till the actual elevator arrives and they pile in.

Inside they catch their breath as they wait for the elevator to reach the bottom floor.

“So how are we doing this?” Kaydel asks.

“I’m going to assume that Rey and Sam are trying to free the prisoners. We have to find the other one… sir something,” Artero says.

“Sir Gret,” Rose supplies.

“Others will just take their place,” Finn says.

“Yes, but we do have to get rid of him,” Artero counters.

Finn nods in agreeance. “Okay, you and Kaydel go find him.”

They both nod and when the elevator doors open they run out.

“What are we doing?” Rose asks.

“Rose, Chewie, can you two find your way down to the prisoners hold and tell Rey that we have to destroy the stadium. And help get the prisoners out.”

They both nod and run off.

Now Finn needs to get to a com centre.

He runs through the crowd of people desperate to get out of the stadium. It works in their favour with the fact that the guards have to contend with them too, but it makes it a bitch to move through.

Finally, he makes it outside.

Eyeing the parking lot, he races over and hot wires one of the bikes like Rey had taught him to. He races his way to the com tower, breaking a million traffic laws and nearly causing several accidents but he doesn’t care. All these people are criminals in his eyes.

He reaches the com centre and discards the bike. Inside there isn’t any sense of panic for why would an attack on the gladiator ring affect them? They couldn’t’ really report the attack to anyone else anyways.

Finn forces himself to walk so as to not draw attention to himself though inside he is abuzz with energy.

He swipes a pass key as he walks by one of the workers. Bypassing the tourists, he enters the elevator and inserts the pass, rising up to the central com room.

From there it’s a quick trigger of the systems emergency evacuation alarm and waiting for everyone to clear out of the building.

As he waits he coms into the others.

“Status?”

“Sir Gret is not on this planet,” Artero replies, “he’s doing business with another settlement wanting to set up a similar system.”

So this epidemic is trying to spread. They really need to nip this in the bud.

“Find out how many other planets they’ve contacted,” Finn says.

“On it,” Kaydel replies.

“Pellqua, Tristan?”

“Made it back to the ship. Tristan is fine.”

“And you?”

Pellqua snorts. “Don’t worry about me kid.”

Maybe they will get through this little spat of theirs.

“Your boy is terrified though,” Pellqua continues, “you better get back in one piece.”

Finn laughs. “Tell him not to worry.” He then switches over to Rey’s group. “You guys alright?”

“When you’re done with whatever the fuck you’re doing get your ass back here,” Rey shouts, the yells of fighting can be heard coming through the com.

Finn winces. “Right, just need to send a message out first.”

He coms out and gets out of his hiding place. The area is now deserted with the alarms still blaring. He figures he has about ten minutes till the fire crew get to him. He better start getting to work then.

Like back on the First Order main ship and he supposes in Olcrest City, he plugs into the communications system and sets up a planetary wide signal.

Then, making sure that his face is on camera, he starts talking.

“Attention citizens of Lëf, my name is Finn Nuobi, war hero of the First Order War. This message is to inform you that we are taking action against your gladiator ring. It is being shut down as we speak and one of the owners – Sir Peto – is already dead. We are heading after Sir Gret and he will meet a similar fate. Any attempt to recreate the gladiator games after we are done here will be thwarted, same as those on other planets. Forcing prisoners to fight against one another is wrong and inhumane. If we encounter anyone else trying to do this we will stop them without hesitation. You have been warned.”

Finn signs off then sends it out to nearby planets as well, including footage of the gladiator stage currently in flames as well as a picture of Sir Peto’s dead body. He knows it won’t stop everyone, but it will send a message and hopefully scare enough to make a difference. He’ll send this off to Poe too and hopefully he’ll be able to round up the Senate to do something about this. From hearing Tristan’s talks of the Senate he doesn’t hold out much hope despite what Poe says about enjoying his time there. He has a feeling that Poe is lying to him.

Once done he races downstairs and out of the building. A group of authority try to stop him but he easily out runs them and gets to his abandoned bike, racing off.

Of course, some authority chase after him on their bikes and it ends up being a chase through the streets once again creating mayhem and causing crashes.

He reaches the arena in record time then turns stunning the few authority figures that managed to keep up. The place is now billowing with flames and the fire crew are all over the place, along with other authority figures. The fire crew are mostly spread out trying to put out the fires while the authorities are mostly sectioned at one area. Going closer, Finn realizes it’s a gate and they are actively trying to keep people from coming out.

Enraged, Finn shoots a bunch of them, drawing several of them to him, but not enough.

He runs around dodging blaster fire and returning it as well trying to find an opening.

A blast suddenly erupts at the gate, throwing the authorities off. Artero emerges from a side street and winks at Finnn. Another one of his little toys.

Out from the hole in the wall comes a roaring bunch of prisoners who jump in to the fray, fighting off the authorities. Finn runs past them inside to see if he can find Rey or Rose.

The smoke immediately waters his eyes and makes him start to hack, but he forces himself to continue onwards. The place is a mess of shouts, clangs and who knows what else with people running to and fro. Finn quickly realizes that they need more exits.

“Artero! Start blowing more holes in the walls!” Finn shouts through the com.

Artero sends an affirmative.

Finn keeps running and finds a couple of guards who are holding some prisoners in cages. Finn shoots one down, but then his blaster jams and he’s left defenseless against the other guard.

The other guard shouts and aims his weapon at Finn who looks for a place to hide.

A blaster fires and he leaps to the side hoping it’ll miss. He lands on the ground unharmed and looks up find it’s the guard who’s dropped down dead. Karé is standing behind him.

She blasts open the cell door letting the prisoners run free before going over to him and helping him up.

“I thought you guys were supposed to be the ones rescuing me,” she teases.

“Well, we try,” Finn replies with an easy grin.

A couple of explosions rock the building.

“That’ll be my friend. Are there more prisoners?” Finn asks.

Karé shakes her head. “That should be the last of them. Let’s get out of here.”

They run through the hallways, helping people along. They soon set up a system of gathering those who can carry others to support those who need help.

It takes a couple of runs back and forth but soon they’re convinced that they have everyone. Finn knows through the coms that Rey, Rose and Sam are already out, so carrying the last man with a missing leg, they exit the collapsing building.

Once outside both Karé and Finn catch their breath first before assessing the situation.

The authorities have mostly run off and the fire crew are now just standing to the side watching the building collapse having deemed it unfit to be saved. There are a lot of people laying around coughing or moaning. Finn also sees a few dead bodies.

“How did you guys find me?” Karé asks.

Finn turns to look at her. She looks strong, but tired and there are a few nasty scars lining her body. Her eyes are giddy though, so at least there’s that.

He winces. “We didn’t. we were just travelling the galaxy and stumbled upon this planet.”

Karé’s eyes widen. “Wait, so this wasn’t planned?”

Finn shakes his head.

Karé whistles.

“Come on, let’s go find the others,” Finn says leading the way. Karé falls into step beside him.

“So I saw that jedi girl and Rose with Chewie earlier. Where’s the rest?”

“Either back at the ship or were fighting from the outside.”

“Where’d Poe run off to? Please don’t tell me he’s back at the ship. I’ll never let him hear the end of it.”

Finn freezes, heart rate rising dramatically. Karé turns around in confusion before her eyes widen.

“Poe’s not…”

“No,” Finn forces out, “no he’s fine. He’s just not with us.”

“What do you mean not with us? He could barely leave your side when you were unconscious. I half suspected he was stuck to you”

Finn’s stomach jolts. He hadn’t known that.

“Yeah, well he decided he wanted to be a politician.”

Karé stares at him. “Yeah that’s not Poe. What the fuck is wrong with him?”

Finn bristles and pushes ahead, not in the mood to discuss Poe. After a few seconds Karé rejoins him but the mood has turned icy.

“Have the others turned into politicians too?” she bites out.

Finn grimaces. Right, she doesn’t know. “Most of the Resistance that you knew is gone. Only about ten are still alive including me and Rey.”

Karé blanches. “The fuck? Snap? Jessika?”

“Snap’s dead. Jessika is alive, but probably trying to drink herself to death.” No point trying to sweeten it.

Karé’s hands clench into fists and Finn can see her struggling not to cry. She should just let it out, it’s easier. He doesn’t tell her to though, that’s for her to come to terms with.

“I’m sorry,” he does say, though knowing it won’t help.

Karé shakes her head, brushing away a lone tear that slipped out. “Now Poe entering politics makes a shit ton more sense. He’s punishing himself.”

Finn hadn’t thought of it that way. He does suppose it makes a certain amount of sense. Doesn’t change things though.

They meet up with Rey and the others. Sam is already working on the injured. None of their group looks harmed which Finn is grateful for.

Kaydel, upon seeing Karé runs up and hugs her; the two squeeze each other tightly. Kaydel crying, while Karé just keeps her eyes tightly closed.

“Saw your message,” Rey says to Finn, “think it’ll work?”

Finn shrugs. “Can’t have hurt.”

“What message?” Karé asks, stepping out of the embrace.

“I sent a note out warning all those that support the gladiator games that we will stop them.”

Karé eyes him dubiously. “They have arenas set up all throughout the planet. While it’s great that you destroyed this one, your message means nothing.”

“Actually, look,” Rose says bringing a com screen over. All across the planet, gladiator arenas were collapsing and prisoners are running free. Finn’s message has spread like intended.

“How on earth did you manage to start a revolution this fast?” Karé demands. Finn shakes his head.

Karé laughs. “Well you certainly have a way with words.”

“We still have to find and kill Sir Gret. He’s probably gone into hiding now,” Artero says.

Kaydel nods. “And we found evidence of five other planets also setting up these barbaric games. We’ll have to watch them to make sure their next move isn’t repeating what happened here.”

Finn is suddenly faced with the reality that this isn’t some quick fight. They have won a battle here today, but they have so much work ahead of them to ensure that this doesn’t happen again. He looks over at Rey who nods her head. Looks like their plans will be delayed further. It’s the right thing to do.

Still, they’re tired and for today, it’s a victory so they head back to the Falcon to get some rest before planning out tomorrow. Everyone except Sam that is who stays helping the injured.

More doctors and nurses have now joined him so at least he isn’t alone. It seems not everyone on this planet agreed with the games, they just didn’t know what to do about it.

The authorities have been in Sir Peto’s pocket and once the word had gotten out that he was dead and there was a hunt for Sir Gret, well they mostly just dissipated making it easy for Finn’s group.

At the Falcon, Finn has just stepped aboard when Tristan comes barreling towards him and pulls him into a giant kiss.

Finn freezes not able to process what’s happening. Tristan pulls back, blushing – his skin blushes a dark purple.

“I’m- I’m sorry, I just was so worried, I thought you could have died.”

Finn stares at Tristan. The though to dying hadn’t entered his mind during the fight. In fact, this battle had been nothing compared to the First Order, what with the guards and authority obviously not trained. Finn never once really worried for his life. Tristan on the other hand still looks worried sick. It’s sweet in a way. Innocent.

Tristan looks even more embarrassed now and hangs his head. “I’m sorry.”

Finn smiles and reaches forwards putting his hand on Tristan’s elbow. “Don’t be,” and he pulls him in for another kiss. This one less frantic and forced. This one was sweet and peaceful. They pull back and smile at each other. Finn feels the beginnings of flutters in his stomach. “Good?”

“Yeah, ok wow, yeah,” Tristan stutters, his smile widening by the second.

“Finally,” Rose huffs out, pushing past them. The others laugh and do the same.

Finn looks past Tristan and sees Pellqua leaning against the wall. She looks sad, but also resigned. She gives Finn a look – you do you. It’s acceptance.

Finn squeezes Tristan’s hand and turns back to look at him. Yes, he’ll like to give this a try.

_Poe,_

_Yes Tristan and I are together now! It’s going great, couldn’t be happier. Have you found someone who has caught your eye yet? ;)_

_I’ve attached my message about the gladiator games. Please try and get the Senate to do something about this. Karé was a prisoner at these games!! This is not acceptable._

_Also do you know how I can contact Jessika? I think she will really need to hear that Karé’s alive._

_You know Karé did mention something interesting – she said you took the politician’s job to punish yourself. Your letters make it seem like you are doing alright, but is she right? Did you really take the position to hurt yourself? If so stop it. You have nothing to punish yourself for._

_Okay got to go continue cleaning up this whole gladiator mess – please please see if your Senate can help in any way._

_Cheers,_

_Finn_


	5. Droids and black spots

Thankfully, they have enough support and man power that they manage to remove some of the more troubling aspects of the surveillance policy. They’ll be stricter security measures when people are going from planet to planet and if someone is suspected of unfair play, authority are allowed to read through their communications. They’ll also be a lot more security cameras cropping up around the Inner Rim. Curiously enough, the Outer Rim will feel none of these pressures. There is definitely something wrong with the system.

Thankfully, authority doesn’t have a blanket ability to read everyone’s communications and not every move will be tracked which was what was in the original policy. It still sucks that it’s been implemented, but Poe remains a dutiful Senator – rarely speaking. He feels more like a special pet than anything else.

He starts taking more and more time off. Both because he can’t stand being in session but also because he needs time to cope, to de-stress, to deal with his PTSD.

Mandi has expressed her concern with him taking so many days off, but he dismisses her. She may be the better of two evils, but he’s going to fall apart without them. Besides, Dr. Theely recommends it. Actually, she recommends he quits altogether or at least take a two or three-month vacation, but he can’t do that so one or two days off every other week is what he allows himself to have.

The thing is, so far no one can really complain because Poe has taken his job as representative for Yavin IV very seriously. Everything else is hit and miss, but that is something he does not skimp on. Those are his people and they voted for him to represent them and help them.

This means he’s in constant contact with the prime minister and presidents of the different countries of the planet helping them solve their problems and finding the resources they need. In fact, according the stats Yavin IV is recovering the best post-war out of all the planets. A fact that’s conveniently being ignored.

Actually, it might not be ignored because D’Quar is actually doing quite well too and really coming together nicely under Otto’s supervision. So perhaps unsurprisingly one day Hunter comes forward with a policy to take away a lot of the power individual planets have over their laws and regulations – creating universal ruling under the New Republic. Concerning to say the least.

Poe is unhappy about it, but he’s learned his lesson so he stays quiet. Otto, however, has hit his last straw.

“Chancellor, I beg you to reconsider this. While we are all under the New Republic, every planet has its own customs. Having such a universal system in place may conflict with them.”

“They are under the New Republic. They have to accept that compromises are needed,” Hunter responds.

“But they aren’t. There is no need for this policy, especially when it gives the New Republic more control than it should have,” Otto presses.

This goes on in circles with Otto getting increasingly frustrated. Finally, he snaps. “This is a discriminatory law against my people.

Hunter leers. “I’d be careful with what you say _Mr._ Otto. We were generous in giving you a planet, but if you are shown to disagree…” he trails off, threat clear.

“D’Quar is officially the home of the Qu’mquai people and other refugees that have decided to settle there. It is written in the registrar and it cannot be removed,” Otto snaps back.

“No, but you can.”

It’s the most direct Hunter has been, usually relying on threats backed behind smiles and pleasantries. The seriousness of it is not lost on anyone.

Otto shuts up and sits down but Poe knows the damage has already been done, or maybe it wouldn’t have mattered whether Otto had said anything today or not. Either way, Hunter’s team is looking for a way to replace him.

And so the year goes by, with all of them tip toeing around Hunter and his party. They have some wins and losses, but Hunter’s team is currently winning. It’s surprising he hasn’t made a move against Otto yet, but Poe can tell it’s going to come.

The surprising thing is they come for Poe first.

He’s been biting his tongue, working mostly behind the scenes and focusing on Yavin IV, so it comes as a surprise when they attack.

It’s not even during a session, but during a charity dinner that all Senator’s are expected to attend.

Poe is forced into a stuffy suit and as to suffer through a night of crappy canapes and horrible small talk. Or at least that is what he wishes happened.

Halfway through the night and it’s going as expected. Then Spier, a close associate to Hunter approaches Poe with a wicked smile.

Poe is instantly on the alert, remembering what happened last time. This conversation doesn’t have the same tone to it though.

No. It’s more sinister.

“Dameron, it’s been a year with you as a Senator. You’ve settled in now haven’t you?”

“As much as I can I guess,” Poe replies.

Spier smirks. “Then don’t you think it’s high time that you got rid of that idiotic droid of yours? You hardly need it as a Senator and I’m sure some up and coming pilot will have more use for it… or you know, its metal can be used for something else.”

Poe’s blood runs cold. “My droid is more then just a tool. It’s my… friend.”

Spier laughs loudly drawing looks from people around them. Poe sinks in on himself.

“Friend? It’s a machine. Do you need help Dameron… oh wait! You’re already getting it. Doesn’t seem to be helping though, is it?”

Poe bristles. “Excuse me.” He tries to leave, but of course Spier’s next words stop him short.

“People would almost say you’re in love with that droid. Is that true? You don’t have a partner after all. Haven’t had one in years if the records are correct.”

“My relationships are no business of yours,” Poe snaps.

“Sure thing droid fucker.”

Riem suddenly appears at Poe’s side and drags him away before Poe can respond. She leads him to a private enclose where Poe immediately turns on her.

“What the fuck was that?”

Riem shushes him then looks around, her quick eyes filled with worry. They are alone, but he gets the hint so he lowers his voice. The doesn’t stop the tone of his voice from being filled with venom though.

“Is that what they think of me? As a droid fucker?”

Riem grimaces.

“And even if I was, why would that matter? As long as it’s consensual.”

“It’s not exactly the droid that’s the problem.”

Poe frowns at her.

“I bet you half of those bastards do unspeakable things with their house droids. The problem is you’re single.”

“What?”

“You aren’t pretending to have a normal life outside of work and that is something they can take advantage of.”

Poe is just confused. “Why is not being married considered not normal?”

“Because everyone else on the Senate is.”

As Poe thinks back he realizes that Riem is right. Otto, Mandi, Hunter… all of them have partners. Actually, come to think of it, they’re all with the opposite sex as well.

Fuck.

“It’s not that big a deal, right?” he asks weakly, already knowing and fearing the answer.

Riem smiles sadly. “I’ve overheard Mandi talking to Otto about finding you a partner. I don’t think you’ll be able to avoid this much longer.”

Thing is Poe can’t. He can’t even begin to contemplate what having a partner would entail. Kriff, he can’t even handle touch yet. He can’t have a partner, and he’s you know, in love with someone unattainable.

Riem sees the panic in Poe’s eyes so she attempts to settle him. “I’m assuming finding a romantic partner is out of the picture.”

Poe nods, still feeling overwhelmed.

“Well then, if you want, I can be your fake partner.”

Poe stares at her blankly. “No offense, but you’re a woman.”

Riem sighs and stares at him pityingly. “Yeah and do you know what will happen if you fake date a man?”

Poe shakes his head.

“You’ll get no privacy and it will be revealed very quickly that it’s fake. I on the other hand can give you cover and everyone already knows we’re close so it won’t be that much of a stretch to believe.”

It makes sense what Riem is saying, but thing is… Poe has never hidden his sexuality. It never occurred to him to do so. It feels wrong to even contemplate it.

But Riem is right. This is a game of survival and he has to play his cards right.

Poe hates it.

“But what about you? That’s not fair to put that on you.”

Riem laughs. “I’m aromantic. I never plan on settling down romantically with someone so it’s no big deal for me to pretend to date a close friend.”

Well at least there’s that.

He still doesn’t like this though. It just further makes his realize how much he misses Finn.

But Finn’s moved and. And while Poe can’t move on, he can do this.

“Okay. I’m in.”

_Finn,_

_We passed a law today providing more protections to abused animals. Thought you would like to hear that – see the Senate can do some good… some of the time._

_By the way a certain Sir Gret has been reported to be on Brocus. You didn’t hear that from me though. A lot of people are still unhappy about the whole gladiator fiasco. Yes, this place is just as bad as I’m making it seem. I can’t believe I tried to pretend that I was having a blast here. But I feel like I’m making progress here._

_How are you sleeping? Are you still getting nightmares? Maybe you should get Tristan to give you massages. Dr. Theely says sometimes if you relax your body it can help relax your mind and make you sleep better. A boyfriend should be useful for something right? ;)_

_Got to go,_

_Poe_

+

A couple of months pass. With the tip from Poe they find Sir Gret and dispose of him. They also form connections within Lëf and the other five planets and work on setting up a system that doesn’t involve slavery.

It’s hard slow frustrating work that technically they shouldn’t have to be doing, but the New Republic is no help and they started this mess so it is only fair that they finish it.

It’s not all bad though – Jessika comes on board the ship. That had been an interesting reunion. Once they had gotten her contact information from Poe they had com’d her to inform her that Karé was alive. She had answered the call drunk, which led to Karé tearing her a new one while Jessika stared at her like she hung the stars and moon.

Needless to say, Jessika busted her ass to get out to Lëf and her reunion with Karé was very heartfelt. Both women had burst into tears and clung to each other before heading off into Karé’s room and not emerging for 36 hours.

Things between Finn and Tristan have been going well. Great actually. They have their bumps as all relationships do, but they make each other laugh and are each other’s support, which is what Finn needs. It also almost fills the emptiness in Finn’s chest.

So yeah, despite it all – the nightmares, the boring meetings, frustrating people they have to deal with, and the hole in Finn’s chest, Finn finally feels like his life is looking up for once.

The nightmares are a thing he has to explain to Tristan with Finn having awakened him a couple of times due to his screaming. Tristan understands, saying he knows about PTSD. He thinks the nights Finn wakes up screaming are the only ones though. Those are just the ones he can’t control.

Finn never gets more than four hours of sleep. But it’s fine. He also doesn’t tell Tristan that most of the nightmares are about Poe dying. He still hasn’t told Tristan about Poe. He’s not sure he wants to.

But yeah, other than that, everything’s going pretty great.

Things change one day when they’re all crowded around the dinner table and Jessika suddenly asks what happened with Snoke.

The room goes dead silent.

“Snoke?” Tristan asks.

And right, he hasn’t told him about that either. He ignores the voice at the back of his head questioning why it is that he’s trying to keep so many secrets from Tristan.

“Right, he was the guy behind the First Order and we were kind of looking for his origins,” Finn supplies.

“What happened?” Tristan asks.

Finn shrugs. “We got side tracked. Never found any leads.”

Tristan frowns. “What were you hoping to find?”

“Where he was born, or where he got his power from. Anything,” Rey says. “He was too powerful for it to be natural and we want to prevent someone else from tapping into that. I guess we’re looking for large sources of dark energy.”

Tristan looks lost in thought. Finally, “You know, I heard of something that might be related to that.”

“Oh really?” Rey asks, shooting Finn a look. Finn quickly looks away knowing he is in the wrong in this case.

“Yeah, there’s this planet, or at least people think it’s a planet. Big enough to be one. It’s dark on all scans – sucks in the light and energy. Everyone who’s ever went there hasn’t returned.”

“Where is it?” Rey demands bringing up a map of the galaxy.

“Wait, you can’t be serious,” Karé exclaims, “you’re really thinking of going there? When no one has returned?”

“If this is what we’re looking for than someone already has,” Pellqua says.

“But we could turn into something like him,” Jessika points out.

“We have to do this,” Rey says voice like steel. No one else bothers arguing with her. “Tristan?”

Tristan looks around the room, then spins the map around before finding a place and enlarging it. “There.”

It’s a black dark space. No stars, planets or even dust.

“Well that certainly isn’t ominous,” Karé mutters.

“Set course for there,” Rey says.

“Wait, we’re going in blind?” Kaydel asks.

“Rey, we should slow down a bit,” Finn cautions.

Rey turns to Finn furious and yeah, she’s not going to let Finn’s mistake go. “We have waisted far too much time! Who knows who else could be harvesting this power while we’ve been playing politics. We have to end this!”

Jessika looks over Rey contemplatively. “You know, finding Snoke, or what was Snoke, or whatever the fuck this is… it won’t chase away your demons. Are you even sure there is something out there?”

For a second Rey falters and Finn can see the pain and suffering that she has been holding inside of her. He remembers how Snoke had lived on in her mind, tormenting her every move. He understands her, knows that she has to destroy everything that remains of him, even if it’s just memories in her mind. He knows she won’t succeed, but while there is a chance of any part of him returning she will not rest, nor seek recovery. It doesn’t matter that this might lead no where. This is something she has to do.

Rey’s face hardens, as Finn knew it would and she glares at Jessika. “I’ve felt it. I know there is something out there and this is the first thing that actually could lead to something. If you don’t believe me or don’t want to take the risk then I’m not forcing you to come with me, but I’m going.”

Silence rings out around the room as she glares at everyone defiantly.

“I’m with you to the end,” Finn says. Rey smiles at him looking relieved, but also on the verge of tears.

“I’m in too,” Rose says and soon everyone is agreeing to come along.

So they set course.

_Poe,_

_I may be going off the grid in a little bit, just a heads up. We are back on the Snoke trail and have actually found something so fingers crossed. To be honest none of us have any idea what we’re getting into, but when have we ever?_

_I won’t tell you where we’re going for security reasons. You have warned me to be wary of what I say in these correspondences in fear of these letters being read so I definitely don’t want someone to follow after us seeking power. That would be very bad._

_If all goes well I’ll talk to you soon!_

_Hang in there._

_Finn_


	6. Departures and Darkness

It’s weird pretending to date Riem. They officially announce it and Poe has to do a bunch of interviews on the subject which is just ridiculous. Some even ask when he’s going to get married. Like really?

His dad calls him concerned and that’s an awkward conversation that ends with Poe hanging up on him and crying for an hour afterwards. Riem is a lovely woman… but she’s woman and even though it’s pretend it still feels like a betrayal to himself and who he is.

As it turns outs however, it doesn’t last long, though for reasons outside of either of their control.

On D’Quar a visiting Senator gets attacked by a Qu’mquai citizen and Otto takes their side. This leads to a gigantic media fueled battle against the Qu’mquai people and Otto gets kicked out of his seat through back door negotiations.

They replace him with another Qu’mquai woman who Hunter’s team has been talking to for awhile now, and the reason that Senator had been on D’Quar when he had no reason to be.

It’s a rough time to be on the opposing side and an even rougher time to be a Qu’mquai person. The Senator who got attacked is using the incident as a big political popularity opportunity, obviously exaggerating the extent of the attack. At one point he even said that five people had ganged up on him, when really it had only been one person who had shoved him hard enough that he had fallen over. The damage was done though and pretty soon all Qu’mquai people were considered akin to savages with other refugee groups often lumped in with them.

Poe stands in Otto’s quarters while the other man packs at a loss over what to say.

Otto is venting as he packs his bags. He doesn’t technically have to leave, but everyone knows it’s for the best if he does. He’s already received multiple death threats and there have been incidents of people sabotaging the food he orders, providing him with rotten food or making the dish inedible.

His wife, Betella, a quiet yet strong and supporting woman is quietly actually packing the things since Otto is making more of a mess than anything.

“That bloody Senator was asking for it! Provoking the man with taunts about his stature and identity.”

“It wasn’t a coincidence that the man was trans as well,” Riem provides. She’s standing beside Poe, her stance alert. She’s barely gotten any sleep since the whole incident, wanting to be constantly at Otto’s side especially with the death threats. The food incidences happened when she was not on duty and it only fueled her need to be on the job 24/7.

With a jolt Poe realizes that his closest friend is going to be leaving as well. The realization bowls him over. Besides BB8 and Dr. Theely, she is the only person keeping Poe sane. He doesn’t know how he’s going to survive.

That also means their going to have to make their ‘break up’ public.

Manid has already come to Poe suggesting that they separate since being supportive of Qu’mquai people is not a good political stance to take politically at the moment and she needs Poe to be clean.

Poe refused of course, saying he has morals and wants to show his support to the Qu’mquai people even if he’s not allowed to directly say it.

Mandi was not pleased but it looks like she is going to get what she wants. It will not look right for Poe’s ‘significant other’ to be leaving halfway across the galaxy.

Like everything, long distance relationships are frowned upon.

At least it was fake and if Poe’s being honest he’s grown tired of pretending to be in a relationship. He still can only handle hand on hand contact and he doesn’t like initiating contact either so a lot of media outlets have remarked on how cold Poe is with Riem. There are multiple speculations on whether they’re actually together.

When it was still considered appropriate for Poe and Riem to be together Mandi and her team had grown frustrated with Poe’s inability to be a good boyfriend. They even brought relationship coaches in to try and teach Poe on how to romance.

The thought is laughable. With the three people Poe’s been with, not counting Finn, he was the perfect boyfriend. Showering his other with affection whenever possible. The two still alive remark to this day that Poe was the best boyfriend they’ve had. He knows both would take him back in an instant – he was the one who broke up with them – though of course neither of them know how messed up Poe’s become. So yeah, Poe needing a romance coach seems silly and normally Poe would be totally able to pull off a fake relationship. He’s done it before though with a guy so it was a bit different, but the concept is still the same. Nothing about Poe’s life is normal anymore though.

But that whole debacle is over with and he’s pretty sure Riem is also feeling a bit relieved that they are calling it quits. He just wishes they could have ended it on better circumstances instead of it seeming like he doesn’t want anything to do with her people. He doubts he’ll be able to make a statement saying otherwise either. He feels like he’s betraying them.

“This isn’t the last you’ve seen of me, mark my words,” Otto is saying now pacing around the room.

“You want to come back?” Betella asks, pausing in her packing.

“Of course! I cannot have that bitch Truma being the representative for our people! That power-hungry rat is right in Hunter’s pocket. Who knows what he bribed her with.”

“Money and power, what else?” Riem snorts, “and she’s definitely got power now. Probably the money too judging by her wardrobe.”

“Does she have no shame? After all the suffering we’ve gone through and she decides to play with the dark side!”

“Some people’s priorities are different,” Betella says.

“And that excuses her?” Otto exclaims.

Betella rolls her eyes. “Of course not, I’m just saying – you know that not everyone cares like you do.”

At that Otto deflates and he sinks down on the sofa. “I thought I was going to be able to change things. I thought things would be different.”

Hadn’t they all.

“Don’t let them get to you,” Otto says suddenly turning to Poe.

Poe grimaces. “It feels like they’ve already have.” He pauses. “I’m truly sorry. I wish I could –”

Otto waves his hand. “You’ve already done so much for us. I consider you part of the family, you don’t have to apologize for anything.”

“Still-”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this since you are basically the only true ally our people have on the Senate, but you really need to get out of this game. You aren’t suited for it,” Otto says.

Doesn’t Poe know it. But still, he shakes his head. “I have to protect Finn.”

Otto nods sadly. “Ah, your life partner.”

Poe frowns. “Life partner?”

Otto, Riem and Betella share a look. Betella is the one to speak. “A tradition among our people, but the concept can crop up with other people as it has with you and Finn. Soulmates I guess you can say.”

Poe shakes his head. “There’s no such thing.”

Riem laughs. “For most yes, but they are out there though rare. Artero and Pellqua are life bound. You and Finn are of the same sort, you just haven’t completed the ritual.”

“What’s the ritual?” Poe asks still not believing that him and Finn could be Soulmates of all things… even though a tiny part of him wishes desperately for it to be true. But no. Finn has moved on. They can’t be.

“Ah, probably best not to talk about it until you and him sort out whatever complication you are currently having,” Otto says standing up and resuming packing.

Poe decides not to press, not really believing it anyways. He doesn’t miss the sad looks Riem and Betella stow on him though.

Two days later the three of them have gone back to D’Quar. Poe feels their absence painfully, knowing they were the only people he could trust in the Senate. Even Mandi has her games that Poe isn’t all that fond off – as soon as they left and the break up was announced she and some of her advisors were on his case about finding a new partner.

Poe flat out refuses to consider another partner and releases a statement saying the break up was hard on him and he has decided he needs some space for awhile. He knows it’s not the last he’ll hear of the matter, though, even though he wishes it weren’t the case.

Work has become even more of a chore now and it all feels totally hopeless.

Then Tristan arrives.

_Finn_

_Why is Tristan here? Does that mean you’re back? Are you alright? What’s happening?_

_Poe_

_+_

They manage to hold Rey off for a couple of weeks. Just enough time to set their affairs on Lëf in order and ensure that the right people are in the right positions. They also do more research now that they know what they’re looking for. It soon, however, becomes apparent that basically what Tristan had already told them was all that was known. They are essentially going to go in blind.

So that is where they are three weeks later, approaching the dark spot. It’s difficult to navigate towards with it not being read by their sensors and no visuals to speak of. They basically rely on Rey to guide them for she seems tuned into the Force and able to navigate through it. Pellqua watches beside her, the tension apparent in he body. Finn feels a pressure run through him, but he notes that others are feeling the same.

They officially enter the darkness and are surrounded by it for several long minutes.

Rey suddenly swears and jolts the ship up causing everyone to stumble and grab onto something. The ship makes an awful screeching noise and it spins out of control. Finn glances out the window, but it’s pitch black so he has no idea what is going on.

Chewie roars and slams on the breaks, jolting the ship to a sudden stop. It’s dead silent for several long moments.

Then Rey bolts to the exit.

“Rey!” Finn class out in alarm and runs after her. They have no idea what’s out there, nor what the atmospheric conditions are like, or if they even are on a planet.

He sees her reach of the button which will open up the doors when Artero grabs her arm and yanks her back.

“Wait!” he orders. Some of the craziness leaves her eyes and she blinks a bit. Finn is truly concerned.

The rest pile into the area. Finn immediately notes that all of them are not looking well at all. Only Pellqua seems to still have colour in her cheeks. Well Rey does too, but her eyes have something wild inside of them that Finn doesn’t like.

Everyone looks uncertain and afraid.

“I’m not sure what is to be found outside, but it won’t be darkness. It is an illusion of sorts,” Pellqua says, “However, I’m not meant to go on this journey. The Force does not want me to.”

That does not bode well for any of them.

“I have to go,” Rey hisses.

Pellqua looks uncomfortable as she looks her over. “I hope you are strong enough to face whatever is out there.”

“I don’t like this,” Kaydel says, looking ready to drop, Finn doesn’t either.

“So, who’s going?” Jessika asks. It’s obvious she doesn’t want to.

“If Rey’s going, I am too,” Rose says even though she looks like she’s going to pass out, but there is determination in her eyes.

“Me too,” Finn says knowing he can’t leave Rey alone in this.

Pellqua nods her head. “Help her.” Finn doesn’t need to ask what she means.

“I’m also going,” Tristan says to everyone’s surprise.

“Tristan, you don’t,” Finn starts to say.

“I’m the one who told you all about this place. Besides, exploring new places peacefully is what I do. I’m going.”

Finn doesn’t think that’s a good idea, but keeps his mouth shut. No one else volunteers so it’s the four of them. Sam gives them all suits and once they’re ready they all step forwards. Finn’s heart is beating rapidly in his chest and he knows he won’t like what he finds out there.

The doors open and they step through the dark.

They step out into a barren landscape. Everything a desolate grey. There is a rock formation in the distance and so they head towards it since there is nothing else to head towards.

It’s eerily silent, the only sound being their breaths heard through the coms.

Halfway to the rock cluster Finn notices that Rose and Tristan are not doing well. Rose’s face is screwed up in pain and Finn knows that her chronic injuries are acting up worse than normal. Tristan looks like he’s ready to pass out.

Rey on the other hand is jittery, seeming to be oozing with energy. She obviously wants to run ahead but is holding back for their sake. Finn can tell though that she is getting impatient.

Finn for his part feels fine – no extra energy, fatigue or pain. Perfectly normal. He can’t make sense of it.

“Maybe we should rest a bit,” Finn says.

Rose and Tristan both gratefully stop, but Rey turns to him annoyed. “We are so close! I can feel it, we can’t stop now.”

“These two need a rest,” Finn replies.

“Then they can rest. I’m going to keep going.”

“REY.” Finn’s voice is firm. “We are not splitting up.”

Rey has an internal battle but then she sees Rose leaning over, gasping for breath and relents.

They rest for about 15 minutes without speaking. Rey gets more and more antsy while Rose and Tristan seem to be getting worse. Finn feels nothing.

“Maybe you two should head back to the ship,” Finn suggests.

Rose levels Finn with a glare. So much for that.

They continue on, Rey practically bouncing ahead while Rose and Tristan struggle. Finn stay with them a feeling of dread growing in the pit of his stomach.

They reach the rock formation and it’s an entrance to a cave, the feeling of unease grows within Finn. At least Rey had the sense to wait for them though her eyes are flashing crazily.

“Can you feel the power? There for the taking! It’s amazing!” Rey says.

Yeah, this isn’t good.

There is no convincing Rey of turning around so they enter the cave. It’s dark, but the rocks seem to reflect light so they can see where they are going. It seems like a regular cave, but Finn knows it isn’t. Something about this whole place feels off, he just doesn’t know what.

As they keep walking the lights grow dimmer and dimmer till suddenly they’re stumbling around in the dark with only their suit lights to guide the way.

Then those flicker out.

Finn swears and quickly pulls out an emergency flare. Once lit he turns to the others only to find Tristan.

“REY! ROSE!”

His voice gets swallowed by the darkness; there is no reply. He frantically runs down the path looking for the two women, but they are nowhere in sight. Tristan leans against the wall, barely able to keep his eyes open.

Finn can feel panic setting in, making his thoughts go wild, but he forces himself to breathe and assess the situation.

Rose and Rey are gone. He doesn’t know where and with his flare burning low, doesn’t have much chance of finding them at the moment. Tristan is also in bad shape. He needs medical attention and soon.

Logical course of action is to bring Tristan back to the ship, get more supplies and go back to search for Rey and Rose.

With that decided, Finn goes to pick up Tristan when the ground rumbles beneath them throwing them both to the ground. A crack grows in between them widening and with the shakes Finn can only watch in horror as it tips Tristan over the ledge.

Finn screams and crawls over to the edge not sure he wants to know what he’ll find. The shakes stop just as quickly as they started.

Finn looks over the ledge to find Tristan laying on a slab of rock jutting out of the chasm about 50 feet down unconscious.

“TRISTAN!” Finn yells. The man doesn’t stir.

Finn looks around frantically for anything that’ll help him get Tristan out, but there is no rope or even vines to speak of. The rock wall down to him is entirely smooth as well making it impossible for Finn to climb down after him.

Finn doesn’t know what to do.

He is pacing back and forth in full blown panic when laughter echoes out around him.

Finn freezes looking around, but he can’t find the source.

“His love for you is pure, yours… not so much.”

The voice is feminine and taunting.

Finn bristles. “Who are you? Show yourself!”

The laughter echoes around him again and there is movement at the corner of his eye, but when Finn turns there is no one there.

He turns back and suddenly there is a young woman standing in front of him dressed all in white with skin to match. Her hair is this wild black mess and eyes that keep changing colour. She grins at him, teeth pitch back.

Finn blinks and she disappears.

She reappears on the other side of the chasm looking down at Tristan. “Save him.”

Finn looks around in frustration. There is nothing he can use.

“Perhaps you need some motivation.” She waves her hand and suddenly he can see Rey and Rose. Rose is curled up on the ground in pain while Rey is smashing rocks together using the Force, looking like she’s having the time of her life.

“What is wrong with her?” Finn asks.

Rey finally turns around and notices Rose. She stops, a frown appearing on her brow. She looks confused and keeps glancing between Rose and the rocks.

The woman makes the image disappear.

“She will always have a bit of darkness that’ll make her susceptible to the dark side,” she says.

“So she’s acting crazy?” Finn asks in disbelief. He is not sure what to make of this situation and he still doesn’t know who this woman is.

“Don’t be too alarmed,” she cajoles, “it happens to almost every Force sensitive person who comes here. The heaviness of the Force here is too strong, too tempting. It is almost impossible not to give in.” She pauses, looking off into space then she smirks. “She must love the other girl very much.”

“Rose,” Finn growls, “what’s wrong with her?”

She looks at Finn pityingly. “Same thing that’s happening to your… lover. If you’re not Force sensitive, the pressure of the place weakens you till you waste away. They don’t have long, same for your friends back on the ship.”

Finn’s mind freezes. They have to get out of here. He attempts to contact the ship, but of course the coms are jammed.

The woman sighs. “Stop being daft. Save your lover and I will bring you Rose so you can bring them back to the ship and send it out of the atmosphere where they can be safe while you complete your mission and save your friend.”

“How?” Finn demands, “and if you can bring Rose here why don’t you save him yourself?”

She smirks. “Because it’s time for you to learn how to use the Force.”

Finn stares at her. “I’m not Force sensitive.”

“So what happened on the First Order ship was what? A miracle?”

Finn shakes his head “That’s… how do you know about that?”

She laughs again. “I see everything Finn Nuobi. If I could leave this place I would be unstoppable.”

She pushes something at Finn and he stumbles backwards by the sheer power of it. Whoever she is… whatever she is, she’s not someone to mess with.

“So, stop pretending that you can’t manipulate the Force and save your lover.”

Finn looks down at Tristan but something is bugging him. He looks up again. “If I’m Force sensitive then why am I not acting like Rey?”

Her face softens and she flicks over to Finn’s side sitting down with her feet dangling over the ledge. “Because you’re special Finn. Because you’re one of the few whose connection to the Force is so pure that you’ll only ever delve into the light no matter how deep you reach.”

The woman seems sincere, but Finn can’t see it. He’s nothing special, and even if he is Force sensitive he has selfish thoughts, he’s done bad things.

“You’re human Finn. It doesn’t mean you’re perfect, you just have a goodness in you that can’t be corrupted. Now delve into your self and find it so you can save him before it’s too late.”

He glances over at her and she’s looking at him expectantly so he takes a deep breath and concentrates. Trying to dig deep and feel for something, anything. Rey said it was like pulling on invisible strings in the air. Pellqua said it was like pushing your way through water. Neither of those tips were helping him right now.

“Finn.”

Finn’s eyes open, having been closed while he tired to concentrate. Poe is sitting beside Tristan, obviously hurt, a great gash open at the side of his head blood oozing out.

“Poe! What are you doing here?” he asks in alarm.

“Save us, please.” He’s holding onto Tristan’s arm, looking more concerned for Tristan’s well being than his own like he would be.

Finn stares at Poe. This has to be a trick of some sort, it’s the only thing that makes sense. Yet, he looks so real and when he pulls at Tristan, the other man moves. And he’s _hurt._ The thought of Poe hurt makes Finn gag. He has to save them.

This time when he reaches for the Force he concentrates on Poe. Reaching for them he thinks he feels it. It’s not like pulling on strings or walking through water, no it’s like meeting a person or another being, someone more powerful than you and asking for their help. It takes some convincing, but finally the Force agrees to help and both Poe and Tristan are lifted up in the air. Finn asks for them to be placed beside him and the Force slowly does as he asks. Once they are there he thanks it then withdraws.

He runs over to Poe... only to find he has turned into the woman. He stares at her in shock only just now realizing that she had disappeared from his side while he had been concentrating.

He feels betrayed.

He feels sick.

She looks at him in pity. “It’ll be hard for you, learning to master the Force. But you’ll be very powerful once you do.”

“You tricked me!”

She gives him a look of annoyance. “If I hadn’t he would be dead,” she says looking down at Tristan bringing the guilt Finn was trying to keep at bay to the forefront.

“I would have been able...” Finn sputters.

“Finn, I don’t care what you need to use the Force. I only needed you to figure out how you interact with it. Now you know so you’ll be able to use the Force… even without an illusion of your beloved.”

“Need?” Finn spits, “Why do you need me to use the Force?” His anger rears its head once again.

The woman waves her hand and Rose appears beside Tristan also passed out. An opening in the wall appears and about 30m away is the ship much closer than it should be.

“Save your friends and then we’ll discuss.”

“What about Rey?” Finn snaps taking a step towards her. She raises an eyebrow not flinching. They both know he’s no match for her.

“Save your friends first.”

Finn rages an internal battle, but in the end, he has no choice. His friends are dying – he can feel it which is an uncomfortable feeling and he knows he can’t make the woman do anything she doesn’t want to.

He goes to pick up Rose, but stops when she snorts.

“Force only.”

He glares at her, but does as she demands. This time he knows what to look for when reaching for the Force, but it’s still a surprise when he connects. He asks it to bring his friends back to the ship. He can feel it resist, not wanting to be disturbed, but Finn pushes his desperation for their lives and slowly it unfurls and picks Rose and Tristan up and brings them towards the ship. Finn follows behind them. He can feel the watchful eyes of the woman behind him, but he doesn’t look back.

At the Falcon the doors open and Pellqua stands on the other side. She looks pale and sickly and is the only one there, but she manages to raise one eyebrow at the sight.

Finn asks the Force to place them down so of course it plunks them down like a sack of bricks. Finn winces, grateful they’re both unconscious.

“Where are the others?” he asks.

“Unconscious, like them,” Pellqua says.

Finn grimaces. “Get out of the atmosphere. I’ll call you back when we’re ready to go.”

Pellqua stares at him long and hard. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Considering you’ll all die if you don’t, yeah.”

She shakes her head. “Leaving you back there.”

“Rey is still there.”

She nods though she looks worried.

“Just get out of there. That’s an order,” Finn says.

She nods and so Finn leaves the ship. A few moments later the Falcon takes off. Finn watches it go till he can’t see it anymore. The silence that follows is incredibly lonely.

He makes his way back to the cave where the woman is waiting for him. She smiles at his return. Finn isn’t in the mood.

“Where’s Rey?”

“Follow me,” she says with a smirk, walking down a pathway.

“Why can’t you just bring her here like you did with Rose?” Finn asks following her.

“Because she’s closer to the Kyber crystals. You’ll both need one by the way.”

“Kyber crystals?”

She sighs. “I keep forgetting how little you know. They Kyber crystals are what you need to make lightsabers.”

“Are they only found here?”

She laughs. “Of course not, there would have never been jedi if that were the case, but these ones are special. The crystal that you choose here will only ever work for your bidding.”

Finn does have to admit that will probably come in handy. “Where are the others though?”

She side eyes him. “In basically any cave that has temperatures between 30-40C. They aren’t exactly rare gems.”

“Oh,” Finn says, then a thought comes to him. “How am I supposed to help Rey?”

“I’ll give you three guesses.”

Finn groans. “The Force.”

“Bingo!”

“But that doesn’t –”

“You’ve been in her mind before, this will be something similar. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to bring her back.”

Finn isn’t so sure, but it’s Rey – his best friend. He has to try. He then realizes something. “Rey let me in her mind before.”

“Yes, we’ve already established that.”

“No, I mean she trust me completely and I the same with her. Why isn’t she my life partner?”

The woman looks over at him. Finn feels embarrassed and shakes his head. “Never mind.” She probably doesn’t know what Finn’s talking about.

“You didn’t bring her back from the dead.”

Or maybe she does.

“So just because I brought Poe back…”

“It’s not just,” she hisses, “you can’t _just_ bring anyone back from the dead. If Rey had died, I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t have been able to bring her back despite how close you two are. Or anyone else for that matter. He is your spark and you are his light.”

Finn doesn’t know what to say, but he’s sorry he brought it up. It just makes him feel shitty and confused about his emotions. Even this all powerful being thinks Poe and him belong together. But they obviously don’t work together. It doesn’t make sense.

“There she is.”

Sure enough Rey is laughing manically at the end of the path slamming stalactites into the ground. It’s a disturbing sight.

Finn steps forward, but the woman puts a hand on his arm.

“Careful – this is what happened to Snoke.”

Finn stares at her in disbelief. “You’re telling me this now?”

She smiles sweetly. “I’ll tell you everything once you bring her back.”

Finn can’t with this woman. He still doesn’t know what game she’s playing, but whatever it is, it can’t be good.

He steps forward cautiously. “Rey?”

Rey whips her head around, the manic gleam in her eyes much more apparent. “Finn! You can feel it right? All that power!”

“Yeah Rey, it’s a lot,” Finn says slowly edging forwards. Now that he’s saved Tristan he _can_ feel power thrumming around him, but he has no desire to reach out for it. It’s just there, heavy and slightly uncomfortable. He doesn’t understand the temptation.

Rey turns back around again and starts pushing a stone out of the ground. Rey always did have an affinity for moving rocks. He supposes that this place has only amplified that. He knows she will turn to other things soon though. If he can’t bring her back.

He wracks his mind, pondering how to go about this. The stone bursts free, flying up to the ceiling and bursting into little shards. Finn ducks for cover while Rey stands amidst it all laughing.

“Rey,” Finn tries, “let me feel what you are feeling.”

Rey turns regarding him curiously. Finn holds out a hand coming forward once again.

“Why?” she asks suspiciously.

His mind races, knowing his next words are imperative. “Because we can help each other. We have always been stronger together than apart.”

Her eyes gleam. “Genius Finn! We could rule the galaxy together with our combined strength!”

Finn winces internally, but manages to keep his outwardly expression calm. Rey bounds forwards and grasps Finn’s hand face stretched in a wide grin.

Once contact is established, Finn pushes forward with the Force showing it his love for Rey, his wish to protect her. He can see the link between them that was already made though the Force does not want Finn to complete the connection. Finn suddenly understands that the Force does not like him, it likes to control and it cannot control Finn.

Finn reasons with it in the only way he knows how – with love. He shows it his adoration of Rey, admiring her strength and intellect, the fear he felt when she was taken, the hurt when he had woken up to find her gone, the need to reunite with her, the relief when they had the companionship of fighting with each other, the support they shared through their trials. The loyalty, the trust.

The Force can not compete with that. It lets him through and Finn is once again in Rey’s mind.

She is sitting in this nondescript room, colours and random bursts surrounding her. She stares at it, mesmerized.

Finn sits down in front of her. She doesn’t register him.

“Rey, come back.”

Her face scrunches up, but then it goes blank again.

He looks down then grabs her hand remembering how she had been so annoyed when he had done so when they first met.

“Rey, why did we come here?”

This time she blinks and registers Finn for the first time. Finn squeezes her hand.

“Finn?”

“Hey.”

“Where am I?”

“Currently in a psychedelic part of your brain, but your physical body is in a cave on Dark Force Island.”

“Dark Force Island?”

“That’s what I’m calling the place.”

“Oh,” says Rey looking faintly amused. Then she winces in pain. “Why do I feel weird?”

“You got sucked too deep into the Force. Will probably give you a real gross headache, but I believe you can pull through.”

“I’m tired.”

“There’s no time for that,” Finn says, keeping his voice calm though internally he’s slightly panicking. They have to get out of this mess asap. “Just focus on me okay? I’ll get you out of it.”

Rey focuses her eyes on Finn and concentrates though a few moments later she winces. “It hurts.”

“I know, but you have to pull out or you’ll become like Snoke.”

Her eyes widen. “No,” she breaths and she grips Finn’s hand. “Help me.”

Finn can see she can’t complete this alone so he reaches out and sings to the Force, showing it the goodness it can contain, the light. He creates a bubble of light around Rey so that when she returns she’ll be safe. It uses up a lot of his energy and takes a massive amount of concentration, but it’s worth it. Rey’s worth it.

“Go towards the light,” he tells her, and now that she has a sense of direction he can feel her coming back to herself, the madness slipping away till finally she is surrounded by the light side once again.

Once Finn is sure that she is secure he pulls out of her mind.

They open their eyes at the same time. Both of them have been crying and Rey leaps into Finn’s arms, her body shaking.

“Thank you,” she whispers, over and over. Finn gently strokes her back knowing there is no need for thanks. He would have done whatever it took to bring her back.

“Finally,” the woman says.

Rey leaps up in a battle position while Finn just sighs.

“Are you going to tell us what all this is about now?” Finn asks.

Rey looks between the two of them confused.

The woman smiles. “Of course, I suppose you have earned it.”

“Who are you?” Rey snaps.

The woman raises an eyebrow. “Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you destroy this place.”

Finn frowns. “Destroy? How? Why?”

“Really? You have to ask why? Look at what it did to her,” she says, gesturing towards Rey. “And she’s a strong one with a good heart. Many are not and are much more easily swayed… like Snoke.”

“So Snoke did come here,” Rey says.

The woman nods. “Oh about three decades ago. He was actively looking for more power though, but it’s all the same in the end. He got it alright. Most people when they tap into this power go mad and destroy themselves before they can do much. Snoke was powerful though. It deformed him hideously, but he was able to harness the power. Unfortunately, well for him, the further away from the source he got the weaker he became. That’s why he employed the services of Hux and then Kylo Ren to do his bidding. He couldn’t on his own… Also why he didn’t notice Kylo Ren activating the lightsaber – he had become too weak from throwing Rey around. He was quite the arrogant man. I’m glad he’s gone.”

“So he’s for sure gone. Nothing of him remains?” Rey asks.

“Yes, you destroyed the last of him.”

Rey looks relieved and Finn realizes part of this quest was to ensure that Snoke was truly gone. Well he was, but his power source is still here.

“So, technically another Snoke can rise up again and do the same thing,” Finn says.

“Yes.”

“We have to stop that from happening,” Rey states.

The woman rolls her eyes. “That is why I had Finn save you, you fool.”

Rey blushes.

“Hey, treat her with respect,” Finn snaps. The woman just smirks.

“Follow me,” she says and wanders down a different path. Finn and Rey share a glance then shrug and follow after her. They still aren’t sure what her game is.

She leads them to this vast chamber filled with Kyber crystals twinkling off one another making it hard to look at them.

“Pick the one that calls out to you,” she says.

Finn isn’t sure what she means, but Rey must for she immediately steps forwards and reaches for one. It glows a bright white in her hand before going back to the clear colour it was before. Rey smiles, looking at ease.

The woman is watching Finn expectantly so he sighs and tries turning into the Force. He’s surprised at how easy it is to see which one is supposed to be his.

He walks over and picks it up. Like Rey’s it flashes a bright white before going back into stasis.

“Good,” the woman says and leads them out of the cave. “Now I need you to destroy this place.”

“How?” Rey asks.

“Together, combine the good with the pain and hate while triumphing it with your love for each other and your friends. Together it should be enough.”

“What do you get out of this?” Finn asks, feeling like there’s a catch.

The woman smiles. “Once this place is destroyed I will finally be able to return to the Maker.”

“Wait, you’ll die?” Rey asks.

“Yes,” she replies simply. Seeing their horrified faces she rolls her eyes. “I have been trapped here for millennia. I have all of this power and yet I can’t leave this place. I’m useless, I’m bored, I’m tired. I’m a prisoner who can never rest.”

“How did you end up here?” Finn asks.

“A group of people wanted to trap a power source for the Force to use more readily. They figured a young woman’s body would be the best outlet for that. Needless to say, it didn’t go as planned and this place was created with me stuck here.”

It is such a horrible story, but she says it so matter of factly. He can’t imagine the hell she must be living.

“If we destroy this place, you die and what else happens?” Rey asks.

“The power source disappears, the Force regains a bit more balance, you’ll get to continue your lives.”

“It sounds too easy,” Finn says.

“Do you want it to be hard?” she asks.

Finn shakes his head, but he still isn’t sure. “Why should we trust you?”

“You’ve seen what I can do. If it wanted to hurt you then I would have already done so.”

“Then why didn’t you stop Snoke?” Finn demands.

The woman looks guilty. “Because I can also see the future and letting him live led you here to destroy this place while killing him would have trapped me here for the foreseeable future.”

“So you sentenced billions of people to enslavement or death because you wanted to be free?” Rey demands.

The woman’s eyes flash. “I would like to see you make a different choice child. I’m not a saint no one is and I want to be free. What is done is done.”

Rey is furious but Finn gets it. Sure this woman is the reason he grew up a child soldier, but he would have done anything to be free of that life. Being trapped here must have been hell.

“Okay,” Finn says, “we’ll do it.”

Rey turns to look at Finn. “What?”

Finn sighs. “She’s right, what’s done is done and besides, we need to ensure that no one else falls victim to this power. We have to destroy it.”

Rey has an internal battle before sighing. “Fine.”

“But first,” Finn says, turning to the woman. “I want to know your name.”

The woman’s face falls. “I cannot give you that.”

“Why not?” Finn asks.

“Because I cannot remember it.”

Oh.

“Do you want a name?” Finn asks.

The woman smiles. “You have a good heart Finn, I’m certain we will cross paths in another life and then I will give you a name, but for now I will die as is, a forgotten wisp in the stream of life, ready to let go.”

Finn doesn’t really understand what she’s saying but he respects her wishes. “Okay so how do we do this?”

The woman beams and actually leaps forward to hug the both of them. She then leads them out of the cave and stops them, turning them back to face it.

“Join your minds together and dissipate it.”

Rey and Finn share a look. Finn’s nerves are starting to get the better of him and they are going into this practically blind. Kriff, they don’t even know if this will actually destroy the place or if she’s just using them to set of the apocalypse or something of the sort.

Thing is, as creepy and weird as the woman is, Finn doesn’t believe she wants to cause harm. So, he reaches out his hand to Rey who grasps it. The familiar feeling gives him strength and they reach out joining minds. It is much easier this time around.

Together they reach forth and meet the mass of darkness that surrounds them. It is huge and seemingly all encompassing.

He can feel Rey start to waver but he digs his heels in and brings her back. as one they start creating a web of sorts. Carefully layering their love, trust, loyalty and belief in the light side together, surrounding the darkness.

It’s a tedious process and Finn doesn’t know how long it takes. It feels like forever for they have to take their time to ensure that each station is put in place, but perhaps it’s only been minutes. Finn doesn’t know.

All he knows is that he’s tired, he has a massive headache, and his body is aching. He pushes on though knowing that if either of them falters they will both die.

The woman had failed to mention that but it’s readily apparent that’s the case once they started.

Finally, they have everything in place. The Force is getting angry, pushing at the shields they had created, trying to break free. Finn and Rey have done good work, however, and it isn’t able to do much, but put on strain. They are getting tired though so they have to move fast.

Together they bring the shield closer in on it, building up pressure.

The Force howls, but it is no match for them. They are at a standstill for a few moments but finally they mange to get an opening and take advantage of it, pushing down.

There is a sudden explosion and Finn and Rey are thrown back wrenched free from each other. For several moments they are surrounded by pitch black all encompassing and pressing. Eventually the black turns to grey, then white before finally dissipating.

Finn sits up and looks around. The first thing he notices is the dark pressure is gone, which is a relief. He’s surrounded by barren rock and where the cave once was, is nothing more than rubble. There is no sign of the woman.

Rey on the other hand... he sees her getting up and relief washes over him. They have done it.

Then everything he has been through catches up with him and it’s too much

He blacks out. 


	7. Broken Hearts

He wakes up on the Falcon with Sam sitting off to the side looking over his pad.

Finn has a slight headache, but other than that he feels fine.

“Is Rey…?”

Sam looks up and smiles, which Finn takes to be a good sign. “Rey is fine, thanks to you. And so are you in case you were wondering.”

Finn rolls his eyes at the teasing jab. “Alright doc, let’s hear it.”

“Mostly just exhaustion and mental fatigue. You’ll be fine. I see you’ve also been taking good care of your back which is good to see.”

Finn blushes. “Yeah, Tristan’s been helping with that.” That reminds him. “Is he…?”

“He’s fine. Once the Falcon was out of the atmosphere we all woke up. Him and Rose took longer, but that was expected.”

Finn nods, relieved to hear that no one was hurt on the mission. “What happened after?”

“Well, whatever you did suddenly put the piece of rock back on the map because we could suddenly see it. Pellqua could sense that it was safe to land so we did and found you. That’s about it.”

Seemed like quite an anti-climatic end to such a turbulent quest, but Finn prefers it this way.

“So where are we heading next?” he asks.

“We’re going back to Olcrest City. Rey wants to get started on training people with Force sensitivity.”

Finn laughs. “She never stops, does she?”

Sam chuckles. “Not that I know off. Now are you in the mood for visitors?”

Finn is about to say yes before pausing and thinking about Tristan. Now that things have settled down and he knows everyone is safe the wave of guilt that washes over him is staggering.

He wouldn’t have been able to save Tristan if they had been alone in that cave.

He didn’t love Tristan enough, didn’t care for him enough to tap into the Force.

But for Poe? And Finn knows that a part of him knew he wasn’t there, but it didn’t matter. Finn will always do everything in his power to save him.

Sam is waiting for an answer though so Finn fakes a smile and nods.

Everyone enters the room and congratulates him/makes sure he’s alright. It sends a warm feeling through his stomach and he’s also assured that everyone is alright since he can see them with his own two eyes.

That pit of guilt doesn’t leave though and with Tristan hanging around even as the others start trickling out makes Finn’s stomach clench.

Then it’s just him and Tristan with Jessika leaving them with a wink.

As soon as the door closes, Tristan leans in and gives Finn a kiss. Finn lets him but doesn’t lean in for another one so Tristan pulls back looking slightly confused.

“Everything alright?”

Finn forces a smile. “Couldn’t be better.”

Tristan smiles, but he doesn’t look convinced. He does sit down at Finn’s bedside though. “So you’re the big hero. I guess that isn’t a surprise to anyone.”

For some reason this irks Finn. “It’s nothing really.”

“Are you kidding me? If it weren’t for you we would all be dead!”

Finn looks down at his hands, remembering how they had met – Tristan being in awe of a hero. He suddenly questions everything about their relationship.

And perhaps. Perhaps if they had never gone to that place or Finn had never had to save Tristan, Finn could have lived with it. For a bit of hero worship wasn’t all that bad. Perhaps.

But that wasn’t what happened and Finn would have eventually found another reason that he couldn’t continue things with Tristan. For Pellqua was right and he’s been lying to himself and no matter how great Tristan is, he’ll never compare.

“Finn?”

Finn looks up, realizing he has been lost in thought.

Tristan stares at him in concern. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Finn at least owes him the decency of not lying. He shakes his head.

Tristan immediately leans forward and grasps Finn’s hand. “Do you need Dr. Tru?”

Finn pulls his hand out of Tristan’s grasp. He internally winces at the hurt that flickers over Tristan’s face, but he’s about to hurt him a lot more. “No, it’s not that.” He pauses, not sure how to do this. He’s never had to break up with someone before, he didn’t realize it would be so hard.

“Then what is it?”

“I can’t do this anymore,” Finn says wincing at how it came out.

“Can’t do… are you talking about us?”

Finn nods his head, not able to look at him.

It’s silent for several moments then, “I don’t understand.”

Fuck.

“We weren’t mean to be together,” Finn says still not looking at Tristan. Kriff, this is horrible.

“Weren’t meant to be together? Where is this coming from? We were fine. We are fine. I’ve never gotten along better with another boyfriend. Are you saying you have?”

Finn winces. He doesn’t know. They never had the chance to explore that. They only had one night. Kriff – he’s doing this all based off one night.

But it wasn’t just that one night. It was every moment they shared, every conversation they had… are still having.

“I brought someone back from the dead.”

“What?” Tristan demands and Finn looks up. He regrets doing so for there are tears in Tristan’s eyes and he looks distraught. Finn did this to him. Why is this his life? Tristan is a great person, he’s smart, caring, funny, everything you would want in a partner. But he isn’t Poe.

“You can’t just bring someone back to life. You have to have a special bond with them. Something deeper than normal love and affection. I can’t be with you because I’m in love with someone else.” There, he’s said it.

Tristan stares at him in disbelief. “Then where is this person?”

“It’s complicated,” Finn murmurs.

“Complicated,” Tristan scoffs, “of course it is.” He pauses, then, “you know what, screw you. You don’t string people along like that.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I thought I could move on.”

“But what? Do they want you back now?”

Finn shakes his head. Like that would ever happen.

“Then if you were trying to get over him why are you breaking things off with me?” Tristan asks, desperation in his voice.

Finn owes him the truth. “Because I couldn’t save you, but I could save him and he wasn’t even there.”

“What are you talking about?”

“In the cave,” Finn says quietly. “You passed out and I had to save you, but couldn’t. It was only when he also needed saving could I save you. It made me realized that thought I can now save you if you were in a similar position how I feel isn’t going to change. I love you Tristan, I will always cherish our time together, but you’re not him and you deserve better than being second best.”

Tristan looks truly defeated, tears streaming down his cheeks, and face so heartbroken that it hurts. Tears are also falling down Finn’s cheeks though he doesn’t deserve to cry.

“Who is he?”

“Does it matter?”

“Who is he?” Tristan repeats, an edge in his tone and Finn supposes he does owe him that.

“Poe. Poe Dameron.”

It’s silent for several moments then Tristan laughs. “Of course it is, two golden heroes of the Resistance, a match for the ages. How could I ever have competed?”

“Tristan…”

He leaves.

Finn is left alone and empty.

The next day Tristan departs for Naboo to start his political career. They don’t say good bye.

+

Tristan strides into Mandi’s office with a fire in his eyes that Poe hasn’t seen in awhile. At first, he doesn’t realize that this is _the_ Tristan, but when Mandi introduces him and Tristan looks at him with such hate, Poe can’t help but make the connection.

Finn had mentioned that Tristan was coming here after all.

The first thought that runs through Poe’s brain is fuck.

They shake hands and Tristan squeezes hard. Poe doesn’t bother hiding the wince – though shaking hands is usually fine, this activates his touch sensitivity and Poe is too tired to hide it. Tristan is obviously surprised that Poe doesn’t try to hide the momentary weakness and lets go looking a bit confused. Poe tries not to care what he thinks of him, but this is the man Finn replaced him with. Of course he’s going to care. It’s all internal though, he’s in no state to put on an act.

Tristan turns back to Mandi and they start discussing something that Poe can’t bring himself to pay attention to. Instead he takes him in.

Poe has to admit that the man sure is handsome much to Poe’s chagrin. In fact, Poe feels wholly inadequate compared to him. It’s no wonder that Finn found him attractive.

Tristan holds himself with a solid confidence that commands attention. His words are direct and to the point though Poe has no doubt that he can put on the charm.

Poe can’t help but compare himself to Tristan and finds himself lacking in every way. It further sobers Poe’s mood. Though he’s only been in the presence of Tristan for like ten minutes the other man already seems perfect. He has no idea why Finn and him broke up. Finn hadn’t mentioned it, only saying they had separated.

Judging by the hate Tristan had directed his way, Poe would normally gather that he had some part in it, but he immediately dismisses it. Finn’s moved on. Finn doesn’t care for Poe in that way anymore. Finn probably just mentioned that Poe was a past lover or something and due to the breakup Tristan just can’t stand any reminders of Finn.

Yeah, that must be it.

After the meeting, which Poe hasn’t listened to a word, Tristan leaves without even another glance Poe’s way.

This continues for awhile after. One of Mandi’s older representatives retires and gives Tristan his place and Tristan immediately changes things in the Senate. Finn was right – the man can certainly charm and charm he does. He has almost everyone eating out of his hand in no time. Even Hunter seems to fall under Tristan’s spell and he’s been advocating against the majority of the policies Tristan proposes.

Poe wants to dislike the man on principal, but the thing is Poe agrees with basically everything Tristan puts forward and he can’t help but remark that Tristan is bringing in much needed positive change to the Senate and New Republic in general.

So much so that a few months in there is talk of accepting Otto back given how incompetent Truma is at her job.

Poe can tell that Tristan’s going to be vying for the Chancellor spot in the next election and Poe doesn’t doubt that he has a solid chance of getting it.

Tristan’s such a positive change that Poe finds he doesn’t dread going to work anymore.

Still, Tristan and him still haven’t spoken more than three words together.

Four months in and Otto is back, bringing Riem with him and Poe can’t be happier… well for the circumstances that he’s in.

Mandi proposes that him and Riem ‘get back together,’ but Poe flat out refuses. Besides, it’s not really needed anymore. Like Poe said, things are changing.

Otto immediately becomes fast buddies with Tristan which sort of sucks, but Poe understands. Riem remarks on the weird coldness between Poe and Tristan, but Poe makes it clear that they aren’t going to talk about it so she drops the subject.

So, that’s how things go for awhile – until Tristan approaches Poe one day out of the blue.

Poe is sitting outside on a balcony at the Senate building with BB8 at his side. He’s not really thinking of anything, just trying to catch a moment of peace. Of course, Tristan has to ruin that. He steps onto the balcony where Poe is and sits down beside him without a word. Poe inwardly bristles but refuses to say anything.

The silence stretches on.

\- Why is enemy #1 sitting with us? – BB8 beeps. Poe’s stomach clenches, hoping that Tristan doesn’t understand binary.

No such luck.

“And here I thought we were on the same side,” Tristan says and he doesn’t sound amused.

“I’m sorry, BB8 has a mind of its own which doesn’t always reflect my views.”

Tristan’s lips are in a thin line. “It picks up the sentiment from somewhere.”

Poe sighs, he is not in the mood for this conversation. BB8 has always been opiniated, and that coupled with its extreme loyalty to Poe makes it jump to quick conclusions. Seeing as Poe tells BB8 everything, of course the droid knows that Tristan was Finn’s ex-boyfriend which considering how often Poe talks about how great Finn is and how much he misses Finn, does not put Tristan in a good light in the droid’s point of view.

“What do you want?”

“You know I was with Finn before this.”

“Yeah, so?” Poe asks, hoping the pain he feels isn’t visible.

“So, I want to know how.”

“How I know?”

Tristan nods.

And that puts Poe off kilter. Out of everything Poe doesn’t see how that matters. “Finn told me.”

Tristan’s face darkens. Oh. “So you’re still in contact with each other?”

“Of course, we’re friends,” Poe says bitingly. Poe really doesn’t want to deal with a jealous ex. Especially considering he has nothing to be jealous of. He’s been closer with Finn than Poe ever got to be.

Tristan scoffs and shakes his head. “Friends. Is that what you call it?”

“If you’re just going to sit here and attack me with your misplaced, heartbroken jealousy then please don’t,” Poe shoots back.

“Misplaced?” Tristan sneers. “He still loves you and forgive me, but I can’t see the fuck why.”

Poe jolts. That couldn’t be true. “You’re mistaken. Finn is dating someone else now.”

That is obviously news to Tristan based on the widening of his eyes, but that soon enough turns into a snort. “I pity that person then. It isn’t going to last.”

“Hey! Just because you two didn’t work out doesn’t mean he can’t find a committed, loving relationship elsewhere.”

That makes Tristan pause and he turns to look at Poe as if seeing him for the first time. “What the fuck is keeping you in this place?”

Poe grimaces then nods at BB8 who projects the documents about Finn. Quite a few have been added since Mandi brought it to his attention making it more imperative than ever for Poe to remain here.

Tristan looks through a couple of them, enough to get the gist of it. He looks surprised and then annoyed. He sits back thinking things over, but then he glances over at Poe and starts laughing long and hard.

Poe wants to slap him.

“Kriff, you two are made for each other.”

Poe doesn’t know what to make of that so he stays silent.

“If this was no longer a problem would you go back to him?” Tristan asks.

Poe shakes his head without hesitation. “I would likely leave the Senate though.”

“Why not?”

Poe looks at Tristan. The man can’t be serious. “Finn deserves better than a messed up ex-pilot. Besides, he’s moved on.”

“No, he hasn’t and he’s messed up too. Can’t count the number of times he woke me up with his screaming. He doesn’t get much sleep.”

It hurts Poe to hear of how Finn is suffering, but what can he do about it? “He is better off without me.”

“Oh fuck you,” Tristan bursts out. “I loved that man, still do despite everything, but even when I didn’t know about you I could tell that Finn would never love me like I loved him. But even the love he did bestow on me was better than anything I’ve ever experience and you’re an idiot for giving that up.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Poe snarls, “Finn is the most precious being in the galaxy and I would do anything for him.”

“Then why the fuck wouldn’t you go back to him?”

“Because I can’t be with him!”

“Oh fuck off –”

“No. I physically can’t,” Poe shouts, then abruptly starts sobbing.

He knows he’s startled Tristan, but he can’t stop. He hasn’t cried since Leia’s funeral, keeping everything holed in or just feeling too numb. Now that he’s finally letting it out he’s worried he won’t be able to stop.

The sobs wrack his body and his chest hurts. He feels like he can’t breathe, but the sounds of his heaves indicate otherwise.

— DON’T TOUCH HIM — BB8 shrills.

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Tristan hurriedly pull his hand away. Poe feels a wave of thankfulness for his loyal droid.

That outburst manages to pull Poe together a bit and he is able to get his sobs under control until he’s only hiccupping.

Tristan awkwardly hands him a tissue which Poe takes with a weak smile. He feels incredibly embarrassed.

“You can’t physically be with him?” Tristan eventually asks.

Poe winces. “It hurts when others touch me. The condition surfaced when… I died.” It hurts to admit it.

Tristan is silent for several moments, staring off at the horizon. Finally, he speaks. “I think you’re using that as an excuse to hide behind.”

Poe opens his mouth to argue, but Tristan continues.

“Do you really think Finn cares about that? Fuck no. you mean the world to him. And fuck that, other people are able to be together without being intimate.”

“It’s not the same,” Poe argues.

“I don’t see how.”

“They can cuddle, they can hug, they can put their hand on the other’s arm in comfort. I can’t handle any of that.”

Tristan shakes his head. “You can still work it out.” He pauses. “You know what I think? I think that you believe you deserved to die and since you didn’t you feel like you don’t deserve happiness. Your condition has let you believe that, but that’s bullshit. I hate you because you weren’t even there yet you won Finn over me, but then he was right. I deserve someone who can love me fully and so does he and he has chosen that person to be you. Don’t throw that away.”

Poe doesn’t speak. It was a similar speech to what Dr. Theely has said multiple times during their sessions. Poe always dismissed it there and he wants to dismiss it now.

He knows they both are speaking the truth though and that is what scares him.

Tristan stands up. “I will start working on ensuring that Finn will never be prosecuted. Once that’s done I strongly suggest that you go to him.” He leaves Poe at that.

Poe remains out on the balcony for awhile afterwards trying to get his thoughts in order.

In the end Poe doesn’t know if he would have eventually gone to Finn on his own accord. Perhaps he might have, but then again perhaps he might have been too cowardly. As it is, Poe doesn’t have to worry about that since he receives an invitation.

Rey and Rose are getting married. And well, Poe can’t miss such an event, now can he?


	8. Bringing together of old and new

“You alright?” Rey asks coming into Finn’s room. Finn is sitting on his bed staring blankly off into space. He shrugs his shoulders.

“You want to tell me what happened?”

Not really he wants to say, but this is Rey. He can’t keep secrets form her. “I love Poe more.”

Rey sighs and sits down beside him squeezing his shoulder. “You’re going to have to move on you know that, right?”

“Yeah well Tristan didn’t deserve to have to wait till I’m ready.”

“Maybe he wouldn’t have minded.”

“Rey.”

Rey stops speaking. He knows that she doesn’t agree with what he did. None of them do, but it had to happen. It’s the only way he can forgive himself.

At least Pellqua has the sense to stay away unless it’s for business. He would have snapped at her if she had made any sort of remark – good or bad.

They arrive back at Olcrest City and Finn is confronted with the fact that he has to actually start his life now.

The thought at first freezes him, but then he sees the kids again and is grounded with purpose. Now that he can tune into the Force – even if he’s much slower at it than Rey – he knows he’ll be able to help teach them. And he wants to too.

First, they go to Maz and she guides them through making their lightsabers. Rey’s is blue and Finn’s is pure white. Maz had stared at it in astonishment for several seconds before chuckling and murmuring that she should have known.

Finn doesn’t ask.

The mayor of Olcrest City has kindly offered them a massive space for which to set up their school. They set up a building for regular teachings like reading, writing, math and the sorts and another building that leads out to a wide-open field surrounded by a lake and hills with caves which will be the area where the students will study the Force.

 There is also a boarding room section with a massive kitchen and Chewie decides to be the main chef. He’s surprisingly good. And of course, there’s an information hall for non-Force users to get information.

It takes about 2 months to set this all up. During that time, Kaydel has set up a scavenger signal lookout for Kyber crystal caves and so far has found five of them on near by planets. She sets up a transportation system as well as conversing with the locals on extracting the crystals. It’s decided that once the students are ready and choose to wield a lightsaber, they will journey to one of these places and choose a crystal.

While it doesn’t really matter what crystal gets chosen since it’s not like the dark island where the crystals called to you it’s agreed that the act of choosing one will be an important part of a Force user’s journey.

Kaydel also expects her business to also expand into a charter system so that Force sensitive students can easily access the school.

Sam sets up a clinic on the grounds saying that there is bound to be a lot of accidents. Artero also sets up a little shop where he makes weapons and agrees to hold classes for them. Karé and Jessika decide that a flight training program is needed at the school and get to work setting one up.

Rose sets up a communications system with the help of Pellqua putting out indicators as to what a Force sensitive person might possess and calling them to check out the school if they think they are.

Once things are up and running, they get a massive amount of people coming in to see if they are Force sensitive. For the first while him, Rey, Maz, and Pellqua just sort through them all. Most of them they turn away, but they do find a few. They decide to take 20 students, including the 3 kids from Canto Bite knowing it’ll be difficult to handle too many at once. They create a wait list after they reach their chosen 20 which currently has 35 students and counting.

There is no set curriculum since everyone’s needs are different. The students range in Force skill and age and have different strengths and weaknesses, so a lot of it is figuring out what the student needs.

It’s a difficult, tiring process, but Finn think they’re getting the hang of it.

And soon it comes to be a year and a half after the end of the way. It’s flown past to say the least. Besides setting up the school, Finn has also gotten closer with his mom and cousins as well as submerged himself in their culture. He feels at home here. His life feels almost fulfilled.

He still writes to Poe, but other than that there is no romance in his life, and he’s fine with that. He is.

Then he decides to go visit Kes.

Every once in awhile Finn would check in with Kes to see how he’s doing. The exchanges were usually short and not filled with much information. For whatever reason, however, Finn decides it will be a good idea to go visit him. So, while the students are on break, he packs his bags and makes his way to Yavin IV.

Kes picks him up at the dock bag and they drop Finn’s bags off at his place before heading to the diner where Lando is going to meet them.

“How are you holding up kid?”

“Pretty good. Teaching is harder than I thought it would be but the students are all good so I can’t complain.”

“I’m impressed that you got it all set up so fast.”

“Yeah, well it was a team effort.”

They kept up the small talk till they reach the diner, then Lando joins them and he quickly engrosses them in war stories and adventures that him and Han had been on.

“Man, I can’t believe that guy believed you a second time,” Finn says, laughing so hard tears are rolling down his cheeks.

Lando grins. “What can I say, the two of us had swagger. Guy wasn’t the sharpest bloke though, let me tell you.”

“No kidding,” Kes says dryly.

Finn is still laughing when he happens to look to his left and he catches sight of this woman.

She’s about his height, sturdy build but not too muscled, tan skin, dark curly hair and the warmest brown eyes. She’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and something about her calls to him.

Finn’s has never had a strict preference on who he’s been attracted to, it’s something that’s always been a part of him. However, he’s never felt this instant gut attraction for a woman before and he has to say, he’s curious.

“Who’s that?” Finn asks.

Kes and Lando look over. Lando shrugs though he does whistle and nod appreciatively. Kes on the other hand sighs. “Marie’s daughter, she’s a trouble maker.”

Finn can’t help but be intrigued.

“Interested?” Lando asks, a gleam in his eyes.

Finn keeps staring at her. “I don’t know, maybe.”

He doesn’t notice the concerned look Kes throws his way. “Well, it’s getting late, we should be heading back.”

Finn doesn’t want to go back though. He looks back at his hosts. “You go on ahead. I’ll catch a ride later.”

Kes looks like he’s about to protest, but Lando cuts him off. “Sure thing! Good luck!”

“Thanks,” Finn says with a smile as Lando drags Kes out of the diner. He does notice that Kes doesn’t look happy with the situation, but he decides not to worry about it.

With the two of them gone he gets up and approaches the woman realizing he still doesn’t know her name. He feels oddly nervous. “Hey.”

She looks up and smiles and Finn’s heart stutters. It’s a beautiful smile. “Hey yourself.”

“Ugh… I’m Finn,” he says feeling awkward. He holds out his hand.

She laughs. It’s such a pretty laugh. “Hero of the Resistance right?”

Finn’s stomach flips. “Yeah something like that.”

Her smile could light up a dark nigh and when she takes his hand it feels like coming home. “Stella,” she says, “have a seat.”

Finn doesn’t need to be asked twice and gratefully slides into the booth across from her.

“So what brings you to Yavin IV Finn?”

“Visiting some old friends.”

“Ah yes, the war veterans, didn’t know you were close.”

“They’re sort of like Uncles to me,” he wouldn’t say fathers. The thought doesn’t sit right with him.

Stella smiles. “That’s sweet.”

“What about you?”

“Me? Well, I’ve been here my whole life.”

“Really? Never got the urge to go explore?”

“Never had the opportunity I guess.”

“Do you want it?”

She pauses thinking it over. “Yeah, it would be nice, but I wouldn’t know where to even start.”

“You could always start by coming to visit me at Olcrest City.”

She raises her eyebrows, amused. “Is that an invitation?”

Finn is slightly embarrassed, but he pushes forward. “Sure.”

She smiles. “I think I might just take you up on that offer.”

And so the conversation goes. It’s easy, talking to her. Finn feels like he’s known her his whole life. She’s funny, smart, teasing and mischievous. Finn thinks he’s a bit in love though of course that would be ridiculous.

They stay late talking. He finds out that her area of study is in communications and she’s fascinated by his Force school. Of course, when she finds out about their admittance process she has a few critiques. Finn loves that she’s not afraid to speak her mind.

“You can’t just expect everyone to come to you. There’s bound to be people who don’t hear about your school or can’t afford to make the trip, or don’t want to bother. You’ll only get a small pool doing what you’re doing,” she says.

“We’re just starting out, even with that small portion we’re already kind of overwhelmed.”

She shakes her head. “Yes, but you have to set up the foundations for expansion early. Sure, for the next few years you won’t be able to open your doors, but later on… it’s better to start now.”

Finn grins. “You seem to be full of ideas.”

She smirks full of confidence. There is no false modesty which Finn finds refreshing. “Oh so many ideas. I would love to help you with it.”

She’s forward to.

“So sounds like you’re taking my offer.”

“Looks so.”

They meet up every day of Finn’s stay. Sometimes they discuss improvements to Finn’s school and her potential partnership with it. Other times they just talk about themselves getting to know each other.

It’s no surprise that they get together.

And it’s no surprise when Finn heads back to Olcrest City that she goes with him.

Finn is excited for his friends to finally meet Stella. He’s told them about her of course, but he’s never shown her to them. He supposes it’s because he wanted to keep it personal and close at first, but he wants to change that now.

However, their reaction is not what he expects.

He expects it to be like Tristan, maybe a bit hesitant at first, but then warm greetings and a quick admittance to their circle.

Instead he gets stunned awkward silence.

Rose is the one to speak first. “You have got to be kidding me.”

Finn frowns. “Rose!”

Realizing what she said she shakes herself off and puts on a smile that anyone can tell is forced. Finn is not impressed. “Sorry, I’m Rose, it’s nice to meet you.”

The others follow suit, but it’s stilted and awkward and it doesn’t let up for the rest of the night. Stella returns the sentiment by being aloof too and Finn doesn’t blame her.

After about an hour she feigns tiredness and retires to the room she rented out. Then Finn gets the chance to turn on his friends.

“What in Kriff’s name is wrong with all of you?”

Again there’s awkward silence as they all look at each other further enraging Finn. Finally, Karé speaks.

“Finn, are you sure it’s her you like or the idea of her?”

“What are you talking about? Is it because she’s woman?”

Jessika snorts. “Hardly.”

“Then what is it, for you sure as hell didn’t give her a chance.”

“Finn if you truly like her then we’ll do our best to get along with her,” Pellqua says surprising him. Out of everyone her behaviour had been the most in character before saying that.

Rose turns to her. “Are you kidding me? You couldn’t handle Tristan and at least –”

“Oh please, this is just the other extreme. They are both two sides of the same coin. I was wrong in my treatment of Tristan, I won’t do the same with Stella. I suggest you follow my lead.”

Now Finn’s just confused.

The others look chastised at least.

“We’re sorry,” Rey says, “we shouldn’t have acted like we did. If she makes you happy then that’s all that matters.”

The others murmur their agreements. Finn’s still not happy about how things went but he’s tired and just wants to go to sleep so he doesn’t press.

They all depart for their rooms. He does stop Rey first, knowing he needs an explanation if he’s going to get sleep at night – for the 2-3 hours he gets per night that is.

“Can you lease just tell me what you have against her?” he asks.

Rey hesitates then sighs. “Did you ever take a moment to consider why you’re attracted to her?”

Finn’s frowns. “She’s beautiful inside and out.”

Rey looks at Finn pityingly. “Okay.”

“Okay? What? You can’t just leave it like that.”

“If you don’t see it then I’m not going to ruin her for you… I do hope she’s what you’re looking for.”

She leaves, leaving Finn more confused than before. What about Stella’s looks could ruin her for him? In his eyes she’s near perfect.

He decides to let it go for now. it’s a problem he can deal with later… if he cares enough to pursue it.

+

Poe has to admit he’s nervous. He’s arriving three days before the wedding and he’s supposed to be back on Naboo two days after it. Tristan only has time to go for the ceremony so Poe is going alone which just further augments his anxiety.

He and Tristan are getting along much better now, they won’t ever be close but there is a nice comradery that and Poe would have appreciated having him by his side when seeing Finn again… even if that would have been upper awkward. Two exes vising Finn and his new partner…

That’s one thing Poe is not looking forward to – meeting Stella. Finn is obviously over the moon for her judging by his letters and Poe doesn’t know if he will be able to handle seeing Finn be lovey dovey with someone else.

He’s never been a jealous person, but then again before Finn he had no reason to be. He has to remind himself that he let Finn go. He doesn’t deserve to feel jealousy.

He lands in Olcrest City and the first person there to greet him is Pava wearing a gigantic smile on her face. She looks great, in fact more than great which Poe is relieved to see. When they had parted ways two years ago she, like him, had been in a dark place.

They had kept in contact of course so he knows what she’s been up to but to see it in person feels good.

They high five, that being Poe’s way of hugging and Pava grabs his bag.

“Hey!” Poe protests.

Pava snorts. “Oh relax! You’ve just had a long flight.”

Poe rolls his eyes but relents.

“Damn, he’s arrived already?”

Poe turns around. “KARE!” He holds out his hands and Karé squeezes them. Poe drinks her in seeing her in real life for the first time in what seems like forever. He knew she was alive, but still, tears spring in his eyes.

“Kriff,” he says and has to let one hand got to wipe away his tears. Karé is also half laughing, half crying.

“Should I be jealous?” Pava jokes, but there are also tears in her eyes.

Karé shakes her head, laughing and leans in to kiss Pava on the lips.

Poe watches them in adoration wishing he could gather them both in a big group hug. This is good though, this is better than he could have ever hoped for.

“So… a Senator,” Pava teases once they’ve calmed down. “I thought they would have at least taught you how to dress better.”

Poe snorts. “I’m not going to wear my suit and tie for a nine-hour flight. That’s for the wedding.”

“Ooh, dressing to impress? Is it for someone special?” Pava inquires with sparkling eyes.

“Oh let the man rest!” Karé admonishes, “he’s only just got here.”

“Glad to see you haven’t changed,” Poe responds dryly, though he’s more amused than anything else.

“I’m just saying,” Pava says, “I’m expecting drama and I better not be disappointed.”

“Jessika!” Karé exclaims.

Poe however frowns. “Drama from what?”

Pava looks at him in disappointment. “I’ve put money on you Dameron so you better not let me down.”

Karé groans. “You did what now?”

“Oh come on, it’s a for sure win.”

“You’re the worst,” Karé mutters.

“Umm, what am I supposed to win?” Poe asks.

“Finn back!” Pava exclaims, like it’s obvious.

Poe’s heart skips a beat at the mention of Finn. How is he going to survive seeing him in person? But still, Pava’s words disturb him. “He’s with Stella.”

Pava scowls. “For now.”

“I’m not here to cause trouble. It’s Rey and Rose’s wedding.”

“Oh trust me, they’re going to want you to stir the pot too.”

“Jessika, stop,” Karé says then turns to Poe. “I’m sorry, let’s just get you to a room and you can rest up. We can catch up tomorrow.”

And Poe is grateful for that. The flight had been long and he’s not in the best mood to socialize at the moment… he also doesn’t want to ponder Pava’s words too closely. “Thanks, is the room I stayed in before available?”

Both Karé and Pava freeze.

“What?” Poe asks.

“No, it’s occupied,” Karé says too cheerfully.

“You’ll be staying in the room across from us,” Pava says, “can’t let you get too far away. We have so much to catch up on!”

At least that Poe can agree with.


	9. Reunion

Rose, who is normally a pretty level-headed person if not a bit stubborn and short with people she thought are being stupid, is having a crisis. And Finn can’t deal with it at the moment.

“Yes, the flower delivery has been confirmed,” he says knowing Rose isn’t listening.

“My dress is supposed to have a belt! Why doesn’t it have a belt!” Rose shrieks.

Finn stares at said belt on the table. He doesn’t say anything though knowing she will only jump to the next crisis if he does so.

Lily, one of Rose’s friends points out the belt and sure enough once she grabs it she starts going on about how they probably didn’t order enough food.

Thankfully, his com beeps giving him an excuse to slip out. It’s Rey asking for help and Finn is more than happy to assist. Unlike Rose, Rey is still acting like a normal person throughout the whole ordeal. So, if she needs help it’s something she actually needs help with.

He finds her sitting on her couch scrolling through her pad totally relaxed.

“What’s the problem?”

Rey looks up with a smile. “Just figured you probably needed a break from Rose.”

Finn huffs out a laugh. “Kriff yes.” He sits down with a sigh of relief. With all the stress he’s feeling one would think he’s the one getting married. Thankfully, Rey’s got his back.

“Jessika just messaged me. Poe’s arrived,” Rey says.

Or not.

Finn tries to act nonchalant. “Oh, cool.”

“Did you make plans to catch up with him?” Rey inquires. And here he thought Rey had wanted to save Finn.

“Not really, but I mean we most likely will at some point,” Finn says trying to keep his voice level. He’s not sure if he succeeds. Judging by Rey’s smirk, he doesn’t.

“Does Stella know?”

At this Finn bristles. One would think that he would learn his lesson after Tristan, but no. “She knows of him.”

“Oooh, knows of him! That certainly is something. Not many have heard of Poe Dameron, best pilot in the galaxy, war veteran of the Resistance. I heard he was even the General for a bit.”

“Okay, okay shut up.”

Rey laughs. “Oh Finn… it would probably be a good idea to tell her though. I mean, Tristan’s coming as well, does she know about him?”

“Of course,” Finn says, Tristan had been easy to talk about and while Stella was a bit peeved that Finn and him still talk, she came around. The whole incident did prevent him from mentioning Poe though. He refuses to think about why that is.

The only thing she knows is that Poe Dameron is coming to the wedding, which makes sense since all the Resistance members who are still alive are invited.

“Well don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Rey says.

“Why is everyone all up in my love life? You and Rose are the ones getting married.”

Rey laughs. “Yes, but that has basically been a done deal for awhile now. your love life is just so much more interesting.”

Finn doesn’t dignify that with an answer.

+

Poe wakes up to BB8 beeping at him.

  * Time to see Rey! Time to see Rey! —



“Ugghh,” Poe groans sitting up. He’s surprised the droid hadn’t zoomed off the moment they landed at Olcrest City. But then again BB8 has grown just as dependent on Poe as Poe has on the droid.

Poe can’t remember the last time they were apart for more than five minutes.

He looks at his clock and groans again at the early hour. Wasn’t he supposed to relax on this trip? Oh who is he kidding, there is no way he can relax. Not when Finn is so near.

His stomach swoops. If they go to see Rey then surely Finn will be nearby. Is he ready for that? The last letter he received from Finn said he was looking forward to seeing him at the wedding, but then a lot of talk in their letters was polite chit chat to just let the other know what as going on. It never went deep.

Maybe Finn doesn’t actually want to see him… and oh Kriff! Stella. That’s going to be awkward. Tristan was bad enough, but Stella is the one who won. He wonders how she’ll act.

Come to think of it, it’s probably for the best if he remains in his room for the remainder of the trip. Oh, he’ll come out for the ceremony, but other than that… yep, no point leaving these rooms. Too dangerous.

  * Hurry up! —



“Sorry buddy, not happening,” Poe says firmly resolute in his new plans.

“Dameron! Get your lazy ass out of bed! The day’s awaiting.”

Pava.

Yeah, there’s no escaping her. Kriff.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Poe calls out hurriedly putting on some clean clothes and running a hand through his curls. He normally has to keep them slicked back for work so to be able to have them free is a blessing. Once he’s presentable he opens the door to find Pava waiting impatiently.

“Finally!” she exclaims, stepping inside, “what took you so long?”

  * Master Poe wanted to spend the day in bed —



The traitor.

Pava turns to Poe with her eyebrows raised.  “Really Dameron?”

“Where’s Karé? I like her better,” Poe says.

Pava rolls her eyes. “She is helping Rose solve a last-minute emergency, which isn’t an emergency at all, but actually just Rose freaking out. Word of advice – stay away from Rose till after the wedding.”

Poe nods. “Okay.”

“Second word of advice – don’t you dare do that Dameron! It’s been over two years since any of us have seen you! Rose will seriously kill you if you don’t visit her today.”

Poe is already tired.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to see them. He loves them all, it’s just – it’s easier to talk to them through letters.

“Finn will be giving extra lessons to a couple of his students for the day so he won’t be around.”

And just like that Poe’s looking forward to seeing Rose.

“Ah that’s alright. I’ll catch up with him later, come on, let’s not keep them waiting!”

Pava snorts. “You are the absolute worst Dameron.”

Rose squeals when she sees Poe and runs up with the obvious intent of hugging him. Thankfully, Rey reaches her just in time and pulls her back.

Rose blushes. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Poe says smiling. “It’s good to see you.” He holds out his hand and grabs Rose’s, squeezing it in his version of a hug. He does the same with Rey.

“Wow, you two look good. Congrats!”

“Wait till after the wedding!” Rose admonishes. Rey silently laughs winking at Poe behind her back. And just like that Poe feels like he’s back at home. These are his people, he was mad to have ever left them.

Kaydel shrieks when she sees Poe and starts jumping around him; Sam stands to the side and they nod at each other. Poe can tell that he is itching to ask him about his health but is refraining at least for now. Poe finds that he doesn’t mind the thought of discussing it anymore. Dr. Theely certainly has worked wonders.

Then it’s Pellqua, Artero, Maz and Chewie all greeting him warmly and pretty soon they’re all gathered around a big table catching up and sharing stories.

It’s great. It’s perfect.

Then this woman walks in and Poe has to do a once over. He swears the woman could be his twin. Well more like younger sister – she’s at least five years younger if not more. Poe feels old.

Their eyes lock and she burst into a huge smile. “Oh wow! It’s really you! Poe Dameron! I’m a huge fan!”

Poe blinks an uncertain smile creeping over his face. He wasn’t expecting to run into big fans on this trip. Sure, on Naboo he gets asked for autographs and photos pretty regularly, but this is Rose and Rey’s wedding. People should be used to war heroes.

Still, he holds out his hand for her to shake, which she does eagerly then pulls up a chair to squeeze in beside him.

It’s at this point that he notices that the atmosphere has gotten sort of tense. It puts Poe on edge.

He turns back to the woman to find her still staring at him with excited eyes.

“I couldn’t believe it when Finn said you would be coming,” she says, predictably his stomach lurches at the mention of Finn. “You are like such an inspiration! I wish I could have gone into flying, but my parents flat out refused saying it’s too dangerous. Your mom was the inspiration for that. Kriff, she was the best, wasn’t she?”

Poe swallows hard. “Yeah, she was.”

“Anyways, would it be awkward if I ask for you autograph?”

“Of course not,” Poe says, feeling relieved that the subject changed so quickly. Signing his name was something he could definitely deal with.

He signs his name on the pad she hands him.

“Thanks so much! I know I probably shouldn’t have, but it’s just… I’m from Yavin IV and everyone over there admires you. I couldn’t just not ask.”

“It’s no bother.”

“Yeah, well. I mean when your Finn Nuobi’s girlfriend you’re not supposed to fangirl over another Resistance member, right?”

Poe freezes. Finn’s girlfriend? “You’re Stella?”

She beams. “He told you about me? Oh wow! I can’t believe this! Oh my… that’s also embarrassing. You know about me. Oh wow.”

Poe seriously just wants to disappear. He glances around to the others and sees various looks of awkwardness and pity. Yeah, he needs to get out of here.

He makes a slight gesture with his hand to BB8 and a few seconds later his com beeps bless his droid.

“I’m so sorry, I have to take this,” Poe says, standing up while waving his com.

He then turns and almost runs right into Finn.

They both freeze.

Kriff, he’s handsome.

That’s the first thought that run’s through his brain followed quickly by panic.

Shit, shit shit, shit fuck, shit, shit shit. What should he do? What should he say? Should he say anything? Perhaps he should just run away. Yeah, that sounds like a plan, but then Finn is standing in the way of the exit. Fuck, okay, maybe go to the bathroom where’s the bathroom? Fuck, fuck fuck.

While Poe is having his internal panic attack he doesn’t notice Finn reaching out till he’s grasped Poe’s hand.

The touch jolts Poe back to the present and he glances down at their entwined fingers. He can’t help but note at how perfectly they fit together.

Before he can stop himself he squeezes the hand. He’s not sure what he’s hoping to accomplish with that gesture.

It seems to snap something in Finn though for he abruptly turns around and starts walking away.

At first Poe thinks that Finn is running away from him, but their hands are still locked so Poe is dragged along with him.

Together they leave their friends without a backwards look back.


	10. Unfoldings

Finn doesn’t know what came over him. Rey messaged him telling him to come to their favourite restaurant once he was done with the extra lessons, so had without really thinking of it.

It hadn’t even occurred to him that Poe might be there.

But here he is, talking to his girlfriend of all things – why is this his life?

He takes a step forward, not sure what he intends to do but knowing he has to stop this. As he does so though, Poe stands up and they nearly bump into each other.

Finn freezes coming face to face with the man he hasn’t seen in over two years. The man he loves.

No, he has a girlfriend. He doesn’t… fuck, who is he kidding?

Staring at Poe now all those feelings come roaring back and before he even knows what he’s doing, he’s reached out and grasped Poe’s hand.

He doesn’t know why, but he just needs to touch Poe and knows that’s the only place where Poe can handle it, so that’s what he does.

He half expects Poe to yank his hand away or storm around Finn or to start yelling or who knows what.

Instead Poe squeezes back and it’s just… it’s everything.

Finn is suddenly filled with the need to just be close to Poe and he can’t do that here, so he turns without a word and marches out the door dragging Poe behind him.

Absently he knows he’ll have to answer to this. Knows that Stella is watching and probably very confused, but at this moment it doesn’t matter.

All that matters is Poe, and so that’s how he finds himself holding hands with the man as they walk down the street.

They are silent, the only sound being their footsteps on the ground. They are still holding hands.

It is a reckless decision, but Finn finds that his feet are leading him to his room.

The one Poe used to have.

The one Poe and him used to share.

The one no one but him is allowed to enter. For reasons.

Stella has complained about it more than a few times.

He doesn’t want to think about Stella right now.

Poe follows his lead seemingly happy to comply. Finn doesn’t look over at him it would be too much. Already the Force is reaching out to him, desperate to intertwine their souls. Finn has to hold it back.

When they step inside Poe inhales sharply and Finn can’t help but glance over. He is staring around the room with wide eyes. There’s no mistaking the recognition in them. It makes Finn’s heart beat harder.

“Pava said I couldn’t have my room back,” Poe finally says.

“Sorry,” Finn replies, feeling awkward. He shouldn’t have taken him back here; kriff, he shouldn’t have bought the room in the first place.

“Don’t be,” Poe says softly, “it was as much your place as it was mine.”

Kriff, that makes him tear up. Since when has he become so emotional? He quickly turns away to hide it, blinking furiously.

“Do you want a drink?”

There’s a pause and Finn is certain that Poe is going to say he has to leave, then “Water will be great, thanks.”

And so Finn busies himself with getting a glass of water for Poe. He takes longer than he should, but he can’t help it. This is all extremely awkward.

When he brings Poe his water he finds the other man sitting gingerly on the couch as if afraid he’s going to break something. Nothing about this picture is right, but Finn doesn’t know how to fix it.

“Thanks,” Poe says taking the glass – their fingers brush causing a shiver to roll down his back even though they had just been holding hands not even five minutes ago.

It’s silent for a bit and Finn is considering asking how Poe is and all that other small talk crap when Poe speaks.

“So… Stella seems nice.”

Kriff, fuck, kriff. Of course he has to start with Stella.

“Umm yeah, she’s ugh good.”

Really? Good? That’s the best he can come up with?

“You’ve been together what? Seven months now?”

Finn has to frown and count back in his mind. “Yeah, seven months.”

Poe blushes and fiddles with his cup nervously. It’s then that Finn realizes he’s still standing.

He has the option of sitting on a chair or on the couch beside Poe. He chooses the couch, kriff help him. At least there’s still a lot of space between them.

“Are you seeing anyone?” he asks. Poe didn’t mention it in his letters, but he may have withheld that information. Maybe him and Tristan got together. Finn pushes down the stab of jealousy at the thought.

Poe chuckles. “With my condition? Of course not.”

Finn frowns. “Hey, that shouldn’t stop you.”

Poe looks Finn directly in the eye and Finn’s heart skips a beat. “I’m old, tired, work constantly and can’t be intimate with someone. Not the greatest mix for a love life.”

“You’re not old,” Finn protests, “and anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Poe reaches over and curls his hand around Finn’s. Finn grasps onto it.

He should feel guilty, he really should, but he can’t bring himself to care.

“Now’s just not the right time.”

“Okay,” Finn says. He wonders why he tried to push it. It’s not like he’s available and the thought of Poe with another man…

Kriff, what must Poe be feeling…

That’s assuming Poe still has feelings for him which is just impossible, so he let’s the thought drop.

“So has Rey been using her Jedi mind tricks to get other people to take over the wedding planning?”

Finn’s eyes widen. “You know, she just might be!”

They both burst into laughter and just like that something eases and they are Finn and Poe again.

They talk for hours. About everything and nothing. They laugh a lot, cry at other times, especially when reminiscing lives lot during the war. They discuss their jobs, politics, the Force, their friends – bringing each other up to date on the latest gossip.

Finn fills Poe in on all the new foods he’s tried and the experiences he’s gathered. They talk about shows they’ve seen and music they listen to.

Finn tells Poe about his lack of sleep. Poe tells Finn about Dr. Theely and encourages Finn to go see a psychiatrist. Finn says he’ll think about it.

When they get hungry, they get up and make food, working in tandem. At one point Finn asks Poe about BB8 and Poe realizes that the droid isn’t with them. He hadn’t noticed! That sets them off in a bunch of fits till they are gasping for air.

It isn’t even that funny.

Yet it is.

They talk and talk and talk.

And then they fall asleep. Both on the couch – leaning towards each other but not touching. Knowing each other’s boundaries even while asleep.

The next morning Finn wakes up and the first thing he sees is Poe’s face and the sense of love that washes over him is staggering. Then it’s followed by guilt.

He gets up and checks his com… to find a million and one messages. He groans.

Most of them are from Stella which he ignores for now and instead opens Rey’s which is only one message.

_She knows._

Shit.

He exits out of the message and notices that Lando sent a message. He eagerly opens it hoping to avoid his problems for a few moments longer.

_Hey Finn! Just letting you know that me and Kes have arrived in Olcrest City. Was informed you are otherwise occupied so we’ll catch up tomorrow!_

Finn’s stomach lurches in embarrassment. There is no guessing what they were told and kriff. What must Kes thing of him? He probably thinks he’s playing with his son’s heart or something.

Which he’s not… right?

He looks back over at Poe who is still asleep though his neck is in an awkward position which is sure to hurt in the morning.

He itches to reach out and gently position Poe into a different position but holds back not knowing whether it would hurt Poe even in his sleep – would more likely then not wake him up at the very least so he refrains.

His heart jolts.

He doesn’t know what is going on with Poe’s heart, but he’s sure playing with his own. Kriff, he’s so screwed.

He forces himself to look back at his messages. He notices there is nothing from Kes. That doesn’t bold well.

He figures Pellqua’s message will be the one he needs to read first.

_It’s time you stop playing and make a decision – break the bond or complete it. It’ll only get worse the more you are together and you’ll hurt more people._

_You can break the bond?_ Finn messages back. Why hasn’t she said this before? That will solve so many of his problems.

_Yes, but it’s extremely painful on both sides and neither of you will be the same. You’ll feel the effects till you die._

Finn wants to punch something. Of course there had to be a catch.

He looks over at Poe and immediately dismisses the idea of breaking the bond. He can’t cause the other man any more pain.

So that means either completing it or continuing as they have. But Pellqua is right – if they continue like this Finn is only going to hurt Stella more and after last night there is no denying it – he’s still madly in love with Poe.

Fuck – he is legit the worst person in the galaxy.

Feeling horribly guilty he finally musters up the courage and opens up Stella’s messages.

_Where are you going?_

_What’s going on?_

_Poe Dameron is your fucking ex??_

_And you didn’t think to tell me that?_

_Are you sleeping with him now?_

_WTF ARE YOU DOING?_

_WTF?_

_FUCK YOU FINN!!!_

Yeah Finn deserves that.

Thing is he doesn’t know how to respond.

He reads through the other messages first – varying warnings telling him that Stella knows and is pissed. Pava’s message includes _Go get your man! –_ which makes Finn roll his eyes. There is also two messages from Tristan. One saying that he’s arrived and another about an hour later – Y _ou are one of the best people I’ve ever met Finn, but you sure do know how to break people’s hearts._

Yeah. Ouch.

“What’s got you frowning?”

Finn looks up to find that Poe has woken up. He still looks tired and his eyes are tight in concern, but kriff, he’s beautiful.

It’s almost unfair.

Finn sighs and sits down – on one of the chairs. “Looks like me and Stella are breaking up.”

It’s gone so fast that Finn might have imagined it, but he swears he sees a brief flash of joy before it’s gone and replaced with concern.

It’s that brief flash that solidifies it for him that he’s making the right decision.

“Why?” Poe asks and what does Finn say? That it’s because of him? That it’s always because of him? But what if Poe doesn’t feel the same way and he’s just being stupid?

But he’s tried to move on and it just hasn’t worked and he doesn’t want to break any more hearts.

“Because I’m an idiot,” Finn settles on.

Poe immediately shakes his head always quick to come to his defense. Finn holds up a hand to stop him from saying anything.

“Can we talk about this later? I need to make the break up official first.”

Poe’s eyes tighten but he nods his head. “Are you sure you need to break up?”

Finn nods. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“I’m sorry.”

Finn just nods stomach already churning at the thought of what he has to do.

The silence stretches out, then – “I should probably leave.”

Finn glances up. Poe has stood up and is awkwardly stretching his neck. Judging by the grimaces Finn was right about the pain.

“Yeah, I’ll talk to you later?”

Poe nods then pauses. “You’re a good man Finn. Maybe you made some mistakes, but don’t beat yourself up too much about it alright?”

Finn smiles softly. “I’ll try.”

Poe nods again then leaves. Finn misses him already, but he has a task to do. Swallowing his anxiety he calls Stella.

She answers on the first beep.

“So you finally decided to call,” she snaps, eyes a blaze. And yeah, Finn deserves that.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Poe Dameron?”

Finn doesn’t know what to say so he doesn’t say anything. He supposes it’s an answer in itself and she takes it as such.

She snorts. “Of course. Of fucking course. Where did you fucking go?”

Finn swallows. “My place.”

Stella looks like she’s been slapped. “You fucking kidding me?”

Yeah, Finn would be mad in her position too.

“Did you fucking sleep with him too?”

“Of course not!” Finn’s actually a bit hurt that she would think so lowly of him. “All we did was talk – catch up.”

“Yeah, at your place,” she says bitterly.

Finn winces. “It’s where we both feel safe,” he whispers knowing how bad that sounds.

She looks at him in disbelief. “That’s your excuse? It’s where you feel safe?” her eyes then widen. “That’s why you never invited me over.”

Finn doesn’t say anything – he doesn’t have to.

Stella clenches her jaw and looks away. “So what, you’re getting back together now?”

“No… I don’t know. We didn’t even bring that up. I was with you.”

She barks out a laugh. “Was. So we’ve already broken up huh? That’s it?”

And yeah, that could’ve gone a lot better. But Finn has to stick to this, he can’t and won’t keep stringing her along. “I’m sorry.”

At this Stella cracks, her hard expression breaking down in pain and Finn feels horrible.

“Did I really mean so little to you?”

Finn shakes his head. “Stella, I love you. I really do.”

She glares at him. “Don’t.”

So Finn shuts up. Yeah that probably didn’t help.

“They told me about Tristan, said you basically did the same thing to him. Do you make a habit of breaking people’s hearts?”

“Seems so,” Finn whispers.

“Fuck you Finn,” she says and it’s broken and lost and filled with so much pain that Finn doesn’t know what to do with it.

She ends the call and that’s that.

He supposes he always knew it wasn’t going to last.

+

Poe makes it back to his room feeling adrift. Thankfully, BB8 is there and he just collapses down on the ground pulling the droid towards him and cuddling its cold body.

He stays there for who knows how long his mind wandering to far off edges not really focusing on anything. He doesn’t want to focus on anything.

Eventually, he manages to get up, shower and change, then he’s at a lost as to what to do. His stomach is growling, but he just doesn’t have the energy to make something.

He’s considering just lying in bed and sleeping when a knock sounds at the door.

He groans, not wanting visitors, but opens it up regardless. He stands there blinking at his dad for several seconds.

“I’m going to assume you haven’t checked your com then,” his dad says easily.

Poe silently stands to the side to let him in. He forgot that his dad was going to be here, which is stupid since of course his dad was going to come to Rey and Rose’s wedding.

“So son, how’s it been?”

And yeah, it’s been over 2 years since they’ve been face to face and communication has been sparse at that. Not for lack of trying on his dad’s part, but Poe hadn’t really wanted to deal with his father all that much. It was too complicated.

“Fine,” Poe manages to reply.

“You don’t look the greatest,” his dad says.

Poe scowls. “I’m fine.”

His dad sighs. “Listen, I’m not mad at you or anything.”

“Didn’t think you were.”

A pause.

“So you’re mad at me?”

Poe thinks it over. “No, just didn’t want to hear what you had to say.”

His dad leans against the counter and too his surprise laughs. “Poe, I’ve been through war too – when the Empire was done with I also went through some crazy shit. I’m not judging you and in fact what you did was actually a pretty sane maneuver. For someone not Poe Dameron that is.”

Poe snorts, some of the tension easing out of the room. “Hey, I was the General of the Resistance.”

His dad rolls his eyes. “Yeah and we all know politics is exactly like organizing a military force. You weren’t even that good at being a General – you do know that the General isn’t supposed to hop in a X-Wing and fight?”

Poe scowls. “Maz had base operations covered. I wouldn’t have been much use on the ground.”

“Oh and we’re going to ignore the fact that you were in no condition to fly?”

Okay, he had Poe there.

“It all worked out in the end though didn’t it”

“Yeah, thanks to Finn.”

And that brings them back to the present. Poe laughs awkwardly, but there’s no avoiding it — not with his dad staring at him like that.

“What’s going on between you two”

“I don’t know,” he replies softly.

“Word has it that he broke up with Stella.”

Poe nods. Well word certainly travels fast.

His dad shakes his head. “Knew that was a bad idea from the start.”

And well that’s interesting. He raises his eyebrows silently asking his dad to elaborate.

“Finn came to visit me seven months ago. That’s where he met her.”

Poe feels slightly guilty to hear that Finn had made more effort to visit Poe’s dad than he had himself. He then remembered Finn writing that in one of his letters. Poe didn’t realize that was where Finn met Stella, but then he had said she was from Yavin IV so that would make sense.

“Did you know her?”

“No, know her mom though.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

Kes laughs. “Didn’t take you to be blind son.”

Yeah. There was that, but then again… “You don’t think…?”

“It was plain as day Poe. You should have seen his face. He was seeing you.”

Poe doesn’t know what to say.

“Well maybe you two can now get your act together.”

Poe’s face burns. “Dad!”

“What? It’s true – enough time has passed and I can tell you still feel the same as he does. Go for it, life’s short.”

Poe can’t believe his dad is encouraging this. Isn’t there a rule about parents discussing their children’s love life? Well, there should be.

“Lando thinks the same.”

“What is going on between you two anyways?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

And yeah, maybe Poe doesn’t.

They end up going out for lunch with Lando, and halfway through are joined by Karé and Pava.

“Your boy’s talking to Tristan,” Pava informs him.

Poe rolls his eyes. “He’s not my boy.”

“Uh huh, well better hope Tristan’s not trying to get back into the game again now that Finn’s technically a free man again.”

Poe laughs. Out of everything, that is the least of his worries. Pava must know it too since she grins and winks and at least for now that’s the end of the conversation.


	11. A Start

Finn goes to find Rey. It’s the day before the wedding so he knows he should be focusing on that and so that’s what he sets his mind to do. He also realizes that by going to find Rey instead of Rose he’s putting rigging the probability so that the conversation will be centered around him. But, he is more than willing to help with whatever wedding preparations are needed if there does happen to be a last minute disaster.

As it happens, he finds Rey… with Pellqua and Tristan. Yeah, maybe he should have gone to see Rose.

From the look in their eyes the conversation is definitely going to be catered around him, which he supposes is what he wanted just… not with all three of them.

Especially Tristan. Why did Tristan have to be here?

“Tristan, my man, how are you?” Finn asks forcing a smile and hoping he doesn’t seem too awkward. They have kept in contact – not at first but about three months after the breakup Tristan sent a message saying he forgave Finn and would like to remain friends, so they have kept in touch since then.

Seeing him in person and knowing what they are about to discuss is a whole other matter however.

Tristan looks him over for a couple of seconds, then shakes his head and laughs getting up and pulling Finn into a hug. “Doing well, doing well. Gotta say I missed you.”

There isn’t anything longing in his voice, just a friend glad to see another friend. It’s a bit of a relief. Finn feels the same way – any lingering feelings he may have had for the man long gone.

“Missed you too, how was the flight?”

“Ehh, not as cool as being on the Falcon.”

“Yeah, nothing can compare.”

“Alright, you can catch up on small talk later,” Rey interrupts, “I want full details.”

Finn glares at Rey, but before he can try and steer the conversation to a different direction Jessika, Karé, Kaydel and Rose all come barreling into the room.

“What’s the deets?” Jessika shouts, sitting down lopsidedly.

“Really?” Finn is not impressed though not surprised either.

“You do realize this was part of the reason me and Rey decided to get married right?” Rose says.

The fact that Rose is the one saying it and not Rey makes Finn believe there is a bit of truth in that. “I hate all of you.”

They all laugh.

“Please say you and Stella are over,” Karé says.

“You too?” Out of all of them, Karé had been the most supportive of his relationship.

Karé shrugs apologetically. “I mean I didn’t mind her, but she wasn’t the person for you.”

“Oh and why not?” Yes they are over, but Finn kind of wants answers now why none of them ever got along with Stella.

“She’s literally Poe’s clone. In looks – not much in personality mind you,” Jessika complains.

“No she’s not –”

“Yes she is,” half the group says the rest nodding in agreement.

“It was just weird. Like she’s a nice person, but she had a different set of values and it always felt like she was dating Finn the hero, not Finn the person,” Kaydel supplies.

“And we all knew why you were dating her… which made things awkward,” Rose says.

Finn wants to protest but surrounded by his friends who are all in like mind he forces himself to look at it through their point of view. He can see the sort of hero worship, but it hadn’t been strong and other than that…

“Here,” Pellqua says and pulls up a side by side picture of Stella and Poe.

Oh.

The similarities are almost uncanny. Same jaw structure, eyes, big nose and unruly dark brown curly hair that is in a similar style. Kriff, even the body structure was quite similar.

Finn groans and puts his face in his hands. How has he not seen it before?

Rey pats him on the back. “We thought it best not to tell you, but yeah.”

“I feel like one of those obsessive creepers.”

Jessika laughs. “A bit.”

“If it helps, Poe’s kind of the same,” Tristan supplies.

“Ooh! Tell me more!” Jessika squeals.

“Later,” Karé interrupts, “we already know what Poe’s like. I want to hear what happened yesterday and this morning.”

“Just because you were around when Muran was alive doesn’t mean we all were,” Jessika counters. “I’ve only known him as a bachelor who showed no interest in anyone till Finn showed up.”

“Muran?” Finn asks.

Jessika and Karé exchange glances, but don’t say anything.

“Poe’s previous boyfriend,” Kaydel supplies.

“He died?”

Karé grimaces and nods. “About ten years ago yeah. They were co-pilots, we all went to flight school together and joined the New Republic. Muran died in what was supposed to be a simple scouting mission, but the New Republic didn’t do anything about it. Why Poe left for the Resistance and we followed Poe.”

Finn doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t know that. He realizes he doesn’t know a lot of things about Poe.

He wants to though. He wants to know everything that Poe is willing to give him.

“Anyways,” Rose stresses, “you never answered the question, did you and Stella break up?”

Finn nods.

Whoops ring out around he room and Finn glares at them all. It quickly turns into “I’m sorry.” And “Are you doing alright?” but Finn can feel the insincerity. He also knows that the news isn’t what they are waiting to hear.

Finally, it’s Tristan who addresses the elephant in the room. “So, are you and Poe together?”

And really? He just broke up with Stella this morning for kriff’s sake. “Of course not.”

“What do you mean of course not?” Jessika demands.

“Isn’t it polite to wait a week between relationships?” Rey inputs.

“Umm this is Finn and Poe,” Jessika counter like that means something.

“They both have things they need to discuss first,” Pellqua says, which thank you.

Jessika seems a little bummed out but the others understand.

“But you did spend like all afternoon together yesterday,” Rey points pout, “what did you talk about?”

Finn sighs. “We just caught up, nothing more. We didn’t discuss relationships at all.”

“Well I suppose there’s always the wedding,” Jessika says,

“Hey that’s my day!” Rose protest.

“Yeah, but weddings are the perfect time for other couples to get together,” Kaydel says.

“I suppose, but they can wait for the day after.”

“Isn’t Poe going back to work though?” Karé asks.

“He’s leaving the day after the wedding,” Tristan says.

“But it’s Finn and Poe. Both are disasters when it comes to relationships. They’ll need more time than that,” Rey says, which Finn takes offense to. He is totally capable of starting relationships thank you very much – maintaining them is another matter however.

“Well we’re almost done protecting Finn so Poe should be able to ‘reunite’ with you all soon,” Tristan says.

Finn looks up sharply. “What do you mean protecting me?”

Tristan looks guilty. “Oh, ugh nothing, just umm political stuff.”

“Tristan.”

“Finn.”

“ _Tristan.”_

Tristan sighs. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”

Finn raises an eyebrow. “Since it concerns me I think you damn well need to.”

He grimaces. “Okay fine. It’s just that the opposing party who is currently in control of the Senate have a vendetta against you and would like to prosecute you. Poe has taken measure to prevent this, but it’s also why he hasn’t passed on his seat yet even though he doesn’t want to stay on and our party doesn’t want him to either.”

Finn is shaking slightly. “Protect me how?”

“Basically, he sighed his name with yours as a dual responsibility measure so if you we’re prosecuted he would be too and considering his popularity with the public that would be a very bad political move for Hunter to try. So right now we’re sorting it out and have almost got your name in the clear,” Tristan assures, “though it’ll probably take a couple more months.”

Of fucking course Poe would do something like that. It enrages him. “And why wasn’t I informed of this?”

“Because he didn’t want you to have to worry about it.”

And yeah Finn can sorta understand that reason. Kriff he would have done the same in Poe’s position, but that doesn’t make it right. He should have been warned.

“If I went to the Senate would that speed the process up?” Finn asks, choosing to keep his cool about this for now.

“Before no, now … actually I think it would. But you don’t have to. We can sort it out ourselves.”

“No. No I want to go.”

“Suit yourself – just warning, it won’t be a pleasant experience. That’s also partly why Poe didn’t say anything – because if you had shown your face before it would have not gone well for you.”

Finn grins harshly. “Well I’m used to unpleasant experiences.” Inside though he wonders what sort of hell Poe has found himself in and what exactly he will find on Naboo.

+

Finn joins them as the day turns to evening and though he’s all bright smiles, Poe can tell there is a sharpness behind his eyes and it’s directed towards Poe. He doesn’t know what he did but obviously it’s some cause for concern.

“So how was Tristan?” Jessika asks sweetly and instantly Poe realizes that Finn and Tristan hadn’t been talking about Stella or catching up. No, they had been talking about Finn’s wanted persecution.

“Fine,” Finn says sounding bright to those who don’t know him. At least Poe can still sparse out Finn’s different tones. Right now he is tense and waiting for the right time to pounce.

At least his dad and Lando seem unaware.

Finn joins them for dinner and he is animated and fun to be around, but all with an underlying energy. Poe is quiet, already running through various apologies.

“Well me and Jessika should turn in – have to get up early tomorrow and all,” Karé says standing up.

Jessika is quick to comply and his dad and Lando do the same.

“Don’t stay out too late boys,” Lando says with a wink and Poe’s cheeks burn even though he knows nothing is going to happen.

After they all leave it’s quiet for several moments.

“I’m sorry for not telling you, I’m not sorry for doing it,” Poe finally says.

Finn snorts. “You know you talked about how beneficial seeing a psychologist was for you yet you failed to mention that she’s being saying the best thing for your health is to quit. In fact that’s the only thing that might help with some of your problems.”

He knew he shouldn’t have told Tristan that. Then again, that’s hardly fair.

“Yavin IV’s economy has grown over the last two years; unemployment has dropped, extreme poverty at an all time low, and the food distribution systems have improved limiting waste and ensuring everyone has access to food.”

“Yeah, but Tristan mentioned a couple of candidates that are up to the task of continuing your legacy. You could have quit four months ago easily, but you didn’t.”

Poe grits his teeth. “And you know why. I stand by my decision whether you approve or not.”

Finn’s eyes flash. “You are killing yourself to keep me safe.”

“Maybe so.”

Finn opens his mouth to retort then abruptly stops and laughs. It’s more hysteric than anything else. “You know why I’m mad? Cause I would have done the exact same fucking thing.”

Poe scowls. “Then you don’t get to be mad.”

“Oh but I know you would be if you were in my position.”

Poe deflates. Yeah he would’ve been.

Finn chuckles again. “What a pair we make.”

“So you forgive me?”

“Yeah, but don’t do something like that again.” Poe opens his mouth to argue, but Finn continues, “without telling me.”

Poe closes his mouth and grins. “Yeah deal. Same for you.”

“Deal.”

They shake on it both recognizing the ridiculousness of their situation.

“So heads up, I’m going to be joining you at the Senate when you go back.”

“WHAT?”

“Tristan assured me that at this stage it would be beneficial to bring me in and clear my name. Get it done in a month instead of four.”

“But you don’t have to! The Senate is filled with nasty people. Why would you want to expose yourself to that?”

“Because I want you by my side.”

Poe freezes. It’s such a bold declaration – Finn is putting his cards on the table and it’s up to Poe to choose. Looking at Finn, Poe can see that he is trying to act confident, but the million layers of insecurity are easily visible underneath.

Poe reaches over and grasps Finn’s hand. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Finn’s eyes tighten. “I’m going regardless.”

“I know, but that doesn’t stop how I feel and some of the people on the Senate are going to do their best to degrade you in every way possible and I don’t want you to have to experience that.”

“Let them. I don’t give a damn what they think.”

Poe feels a smile stretch across his cheeks. “Okay – just warning you, it’s likely going to take longer than a month – everything gets delayed.”

Finn laughs. “So you mean that four months would have turned into eight?”

Poe shrugs. “Who really knows.”

“Then I don’t regret my decision in the slightest.”

“Oh believe me you will.” Poe then pauses. “Do you… do you really want to try this… us?”

Finn squeezes Poe’s hand tighter. “More than you now.”

A real smile blooms across Poe’s face. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”


	12. Making a Home

Rey and Rose’s wedding is beautiful. They deserve nothing less of course, but it still makes Finn tear up. All of Rose’s fussing and Rey’s chill composure have combined for this beautiful, small, sweet wedding and reception that Finn will remember for the rest of his life.

He pulls them both into big hugs after and even infallible Rey has tears in her eyes. It’s only friends who are invited so everyone gets along and has a good time.

It’s also in a way a goodbye for Finn. He’s only supposed to be gone for a month, but both Poe and Tristan have informed him that it’s likely going to be stretched to two, maybe even three months. Not long but still he hasn’t been apart from most of these people in two years.

And then there’s Poe who he hasn’t been in company with for over two years and now will spend practically every day with. He’s both excited and nervous.

He hopes he doesn’t mess this up.

Suddenly the wedding is done and he is packing his bags and saying his goodbyes. His goodbye to his mom is particularly heart breaking as they’ve grown quite close over the past year and she still doesn’t like it when he leaves. A remnant of the mothering she hadn’t been able to experience.

Just like that though he’s on a charter plane with Poe and about a hundred other people.

“Do you miss flying?” Finn asks then immediately regrets doing so.

Poe grimaces. “I miss the feeling I used to get flying. I’ll never be able to get that feeling again though so I don’t really think about it.”

Just another scar from a pointless war. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Isn’t it?”

Poe laughs morosely. “No Kylo Ren is the one to blame.”

And yeah, that’s true but it doesn’t take away the guilt.

Eventually, Poe falls asleep but Finn stays awake. He’s never learned how to get a good night’s rest. He supposes it’s a lost cause now.

They land and Poe takes Finn to his rooms. Finn could have rented out his own, but Poe has the space and it’s easier as well as closer to the Senate than anything Finn could’ve gotten on such short notice.

BB8 unlocks everything and turns on the necessary devices. The first thing Finn remarks upon is how barren everything is. He knows Poe is an untidy person who likes to keep trinkets and follow musicians and the such so the absence of anything is unsettling.

“Here’s the spare bedroom,” Poe says pointing to a door. He looks embarrassed. Finn wishes he wasn’t.

“Thanks,” he says for lack of anything else and goes into the room. It’s simple – just a bed, bedside table and closet, but it’s all he needs.

He puts his bag down in the corner deciding to unpack later and heads back out to the kitchen. Poe is there staring off into space the nervousness practically bleeding off him. Finn wishes he could just envelope him in his arms, but he can’t.

Instead, he reaches across the island with his palm up as a gesture.

Poe snaps out of his daze and glances down smiling sheepishly. He reaches out and interlocks their fingers.

“It’s not much. I don’t think I ever wanted to make this place feel like home.”

“That’s what our place is for,” Finn says and he can’t believe how bold he’s being. Poe smiles though and it’s a hopeful one. He squeezes their hands.

They migrate to the couch with BB8 ordering them some food. They talk about everything and nothing – jumping from conversation to conversation, never running out of things to talk about.

It’s past Poe’s normal bedtime when they finally retire and even Finn’s yawning though he’s used to the lack of sleep.

Next thing he knows, he’s waking up screaming – forced out of a night terror that is already slipping from him, but is always of the same theme – death, war, orders.

There is someone else in the room but instead of wanting to push them away like is his normal response – whenever he slept with Tristan or Stella he had to force himself to calm down to keep from hurting them – instead he wants to draw nearer to them. To feel their strength.

So he does… he doesn’t reach out and touch, but he goes and sits beside them, going as close as he can without making contact. He breathes them in, cherishing their familiar smell.

It takes him another few moments to recognize that it’s Poe.

“Is it like this every night?”

“No.”

“Why do I sense that you’re lying.”

“I’m not – some nights I don’t get any sleep at all.”

“Kriff.”

Finn shrugs. “I’m used to it. It’s fine.”

“Finn, you need your sleep.”

“I’m fine.”

Poe is silent and Finn takes a deep breath. “Okay, maybe it’s not fine.”

Poe chuckles. “We’re quite the pair, don’t we?”

“We’ll figure it out.” And for the first time Finn believes his words. Perhaps with Poe he just might.

Of course, the next day in session is just the hell Poe and Tristan warned him it would be. It seems the moment he signs his name down as a guest he’s shuttled off from person to person, group to group, questioned and introduced and critiqued. Hunter’s plan is brought to light and that gets scrutinized and discussed. It causes quite the ruckus but Finn is certain most of it is conjured.

Thing is nothing really goes anywhere and Finn starts to feel like he’s a spectacle. No one has even asked for his side of the story yet, it’s all just what is his purpose here and how did he know of the crimes aimed against him.

It’s getting increasingly on his nerves and he’s certain he’s about to blow up when Riem appears at his side and informs everyone that she needs to take him to Otto. No one argues with her and so she leads him away. Not to Otto however, but to Poe’s rooms.

He looks at her questioningly but she just winks and walks off. He’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth though so he enters the room and sits down on the couch with a sigh. Kriff, he misses his students.

He spends the next hour answering messages and is surfing through the news when Poe enters.

“Heard Riem saved you today.”

“Yes, tell her she has my highest gratitude. I can see why you like her so much.”

Poe laughs. “Well, she has saved my ass more times than I can count. Don’t know how I survived those months without her.”

“But that’s all fine now right? Otto’s no longer being targeted?”

“I wouldn’t say that, just everyone is sort of scared to go up against Tristan and so for now won’t do anything. I doubt they’ll let it rest though.”

Finn shakes his head, both in disgust that people would be so despicable as to sabotage a wonderful man, but also not comprehending how Tristan could hold fear over anyone. He’s so charismatic and charming, the thought of anyone being scared of him makes him chuckle.

Poe raises an eyebrow so Finn explains. “You know Tristan can’t even shoot a blaster? When we freed Karé he was totally useless.”

Poe laughs. “No one except for me knows the first thing about fighting here. Why this place drives me up the wall – they don’t know what it’s like to suffer. They’re scared of Tristan because he’s like them but actually has a moral compass and the drive to get things done.”

“Yeah, he’s a real one,” Finn says. He hasn’t seen Tristan in action yet, but it’s only been the first day, it’ll happen.

He looks up and sees Poe struggling with something.

“What?”

“I don’t get why you broke up with him.”

Finn’s stomach clenches. “Because I couldn’t save him.”

Poe frowns. “But you did. Rose and Rey told me what happened.”

Finn shakes his head. “No, they weren’t there. They only know that I got him and Rose out and helped steady Rey. The lady, girl, person thing told me I had to use the Force to save Tristan and I couldn’t – it still wouldn’t speak to me.”

“Then how did you –”

“She created an illusion that was you and I could save you, even though I knew you weren’t actually there. I could save a fucking illusion, but I couldn’t save my own boyfriend.”

It’s silent. Finn hates it. He hates thinking about that event – it brings him nothing but shame. Thing is, Finn can tell that Poe understands and so he’s not offering absolution like Rey and Pellqua did. Poe understands and so he only sits beside him and offers his support which Finn takes gratefully.

And then, ever so slowly, Finn feels the light pressure of a shoulder against his. He freezes, not wanting to startle Poe and half expecting it to be a mistake, waiting for Poe to jolt away.

But he doesn’t. His breathing has picked up slightly and his fingers are gripping onto Finn’s so hard that they start to grow numb, but he remains like that for several minutes before slowly pulling away.

“You alright?” Finn asks.

“Yeah, never better,” Poe responds.

+

Senate life continues like it always has at it’s maddening slow pace interspaced with bursts of frantic rushing when people realize they actually have to get something done by a deadline.

Poe doesn’t see much of Finn while he works. Not by his own doing of course, but because the problems Finn is dealing with are not directly associated with what Poe does. Near the closing out process he’ll be needed, but for now he focuses on his own work and finding a suitable replacement. He told Mandi about his plans to quit and thankfully the party is now at a much stronger place that she’s allowing it. She actually looked a little relieved when he told her and Poe can’t blame her.

Dr. Theely is ecstatic when he tells her the news, even going as far as saying ‘Finally’ which is probably unprofessional, but neither care.

Riem makes a joke about him getting old, which he doesn’t refute and Otto shakes his hand and tells him he will always be welcome in his home and at D’Quar. The thought warms Poe.

Then there’s Finn. Well Finn already knew that Poe is quitting, but just having him living with Poe makes all the difference.

It’s fascinating how easy it is for them to slip into life together.

Whoever gets home first usually makes dinner, but if one is too tired the other is quick to jump in or they order take out. If they have the time, they cook together.

Sometimes they go out, sometimes they don’t, or one goes out without the other – usually Finn. It’s not even been a month, but their rooms already look more lived in than when Poe had been living alone for the two years.

Finn does wake up a lot screaming, but Poe doesn’t mind being woken up for the hours spent sitting side by side sometimes talking sometimes not bring them together in ways not thought possible.

And they learn about each other. Poe tells Finn stories of his childhood and going to flight school and everything else. Things that he hasn’t had the chance to share before this. And Finn shares stories about his days as a Stormtrooper. Those are harder and every time Poe wishes he can take down the First Order all over again with his bare hands.

Finn sometimes cries when he talks about it, sometimes he gets angry, and sometimes he gets lost in thought. Poe is there for him while he runs through his emotions. He wishes he can do more, but Finn assures him that him just being there is enough.

Finn also practices using the Force and Poe is constantly awed by what he can do. He even one time moves BB8 around the room much to Poe’s delight and the droid’s displeasure. Finn promises the droid he will never do it again and gave it an oil change before the droid forgave him.

Poe is working on his touch aversion. He hasn’t gotten past brushing shoulders and even sometimes that sets him off into a panic, but he’s more determined than ever. He wants to hug Finn.

Dr. Theely is pleased with his new resolution but urges caution. Warning not to push too fast or try to do too much all at once since it will only set him back. Listen to his body. And so he does even though it’s frustrating. Before he hadn’t cared, so it hadn’t mattered as much, but now he does and it’s excruciating at times.

Finn makes it better though. He always makes it better. He urges Poe to be patient and even teaches Poe mediation. Poe hates it, but Finn just laughs saying he’s probably supposed to hate it but doesn’t let Poe slack on it, so everyday for half an hour Poe tries to make his mind go blank.

More often than not he doesn’t succeed. But it’s the act that counts Finn says and so he’ll continue faking it; who knows, maybe it’ll actually help one day.

Poe comes home late one night. He already com’d Finn so he isn’t expecting him to be up or at least not active. Whenever Finn can’t sleep he usually just remains in his room and browses the net or reads or meditates or something of the such.

But when Poe gets home, even before he enters their rooms, he can hear Finn swearing up a storm and the odd mechanical sound – the kind that indicates whatever it is, it’s not working.

Poe hurriedly enters the flat with BB8 beeping beside him with worry. He’s met with the sight of Finn swearing at his medical droid that is smoking and squealing and just all around making a mess.

BB8 beeps in alarm and goes over extending its prober to prod the thing. It makes another loud bleep then seems to die with a grand finality. It’s still smoking though.

Poe takes in the whole scene in confusion while Finn looks at him sheepishly.

“What…?”

“I may have spilled caf on it.”

“But that shouldn’t have affected –”

“Yeah, but two weeks ago I dropped it in the bacta container and never got around to properly clean it. Apparently old bacta, caf and shampoo don’t mix.”

“Shampoo?”

“I kind of spilled some on it two days ago.”

“Do you have a thing against this droid?” Poe asks in alarm. Finn usually isn’t this clumsy.

At the sheepish look that crosses Finn’s face, Poe knows that he does or at least something like that.

“What is it?”

“Rey or Rose used to always adjust its settings to make it suit my preferences, but it always needs to be adjusted so when I came here it went back to its standard settings so it’s always a struggle.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? I could have helped.”

Finn stares at him for a couple of moments before his eyes widen. “Shit yeah, you’re also a mechanic.”

“I feel a bit insulted that you didn’t remember that.”

Finn grins. “Guess I was so swept away with you being a high and mighty Senator-”

“Oh shut up.”

Poe kneels down and looks at the dead pile of metal. BB8 shows him the schematics of the thing – a standard medical assistant. “You use this for your back right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re supposed to apply the bacta every night?”

“Yep. Or well I try to, sometimes I forget.”

“What happens when you miss a day?”

“My back just is a bit itchy and prickly for the rest of the day. Nothing big. Wouldn’t want to miss two nights in a row though.”

Poe nods. “Well I can’t fix this tonight, but I should get it up and running by tomorrow.”

“Great!” Finn says though there’s something funny in his voice.

Poe looks up to find Finn not looking at him. “What?”

Finn sighs. “This would be the third night.”

Poe stares at Finn.

“Without it being altered to suit my needs I’ve only been applying it every other day. I got so fed up that I tried for longer, hence today and realized that wasn’t a good idea, but when I tried to put it on tonight… well this happened.”

Poe winces then brings up the schematics again. Yeah, it’s going to need several pieces that Poe won’t be able to get till tomorrow.

“It’s fine, I can last another night.”

“No no…” he’s about to suggest that BB8 can do it, but then stops himself. He can do this.

It’ll be his hands on Finn’s back after all, not the other way around which would’ve been intolerable. But he can do this. It may not be the most comfortable experience, but it’s for Finn. Finn needs this. “I’ll do it.”

Finn stares at him. “What?”

“I can do it,” Poe repeats, this time with more conviction.

“Yeah no. I’m not going to put you in a position where you hurt yourself.”

“It’ll be my hands. I can handle it.”

Finn doesn’t look convinced.

“Please.”

It’s quiet for a few moments then Finn nods slowly and goes to fetch the tub of bacta. He hands it over looking Poe dead in the eye. “If you feel nauseous or a panic attack coming or anything you stop.”

“Okay, I’ll be fine.”

“I’m serious. I can handle another night.”

“Finn just turn around and take off your shirt.”

That cause Finn to snort and he fake leers. “Trying to get my clothes off Dameron?”

“Always,” Poe responds cheekily, though inside his heart is hammering. Finn without a shirt on is a sight to behold and while Poe can’t physically do anything about it, he still has a sexual drive. This is going to be an interesting experience.

Finn takes his shirt off and sits down on the couch with his back towards Poe. There’s the scar – a faded pink against his dark skin. As Poe sits down beside Finn he swears he can see the skin move. So it’s true – lightsaber scars never do truly heal.

Almost in a daze he reaches out with his bare hand and runs a finger down the scar. It’s hotter than the rest of Finn’s body and it draws a shudder out of him. It’s the shudder that jerks Poe back to the present and he quickly retrieves his hand.

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Finn says though his voice sounds a little hoarse. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” And he is, better than expected. There was no wave of disgust that usually accompanies such a touch. He busies himself with the jar, scooping an ample amount onto his fingers. Then he hesitates.

He stares at Finn’s back suddenly uncertain. What did this mean for them?

Whatever it is, it’s something monumental and Poe is sick of being trapped so he reaches forward.

The first swipe is pure business – he’s totally focused on getting the bacta on the scar and covering it. As he continues to add it on, however, his hands start to wander. He’s rubbing the bacta into the scar, but also gently feeling the muscles on Finn’s back – feeling the strength behind them, the hardness of the ribs and how it’s a bit softer on the sides, though not too soft.

He’s so absorbed with what he’s doing that he doesn’t at first register the moan.

When he does and realizes that it’s from Finn, he pulls back embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Finn whispers, “that was really, really nice.”

“But I feel like I’m leading you on. I can’t do more, I can’t give you what you want.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Finn says turning around and grasping Poe’s hands. Their still sticky with bacta but Finn doesn’t seem to mind. “I don’t need that. I need you.”

The declaration stuns Poe so much that his eyes suddenly tear up. He loves this man so much he doesn’t know how to hold it in.

So he doesn’t.

“I love you.” It’s the first time he’s said it out loud to Finn. It feels right.

Finn’s eyes have also teared up and he stares at Poe in wonder. “I love you too,” he whispers as if afraid Poe will run away. But Poe’s done running. He tried before and it only brought him more pain. No. Now it’s time to accept what he’s always known and for the first time try and achieve happiness. With Finn.


	13. Nearly There

They are so close to being done with this bloody mess and Finn can finally return to teaching. It’s been just over a month and a half now and Finn has no idea how Poe managed to survive over two years of this bullshit. Already he hates all the pompous, spoiled bastards who say they are keeping the galaxy afloat. They aren’t doing shit, that’s what.

Tristan has given him a set date – two days from now where everything will be finalized and Finn’s name will be totally cleared from any association with the First Order and suspicion of causing harm.

Why two days? Well, Finn doesn’t really know, probably pointless bureaucratic reasons, but the end is in sight.

Of course, that just means everything has to come to a head. Frankly Finn’s surprised that it hasn’t happened sooner.

It starts with Hunter approaching him and Finn immediately knows something is up since he’s not wearing his fake smile like he normally has on when talking to Finn. No, this time his face is set in this weird grimace, like he’s trying to do his fake smile, but is too riled up to do so. His eyes are dark with anger.

“So, I hear you’re about to be acquitted,” he says.

“Have to be charged with something first to be acquitted. Never was as far as I can recall,” Finn responds.

Hunter’s lips twitch. “Seems strange, you coming home to get out of a crime you were never charged for.”

Oh, are they really going to get into this now? Well, Finn’s game. “I was just trying to loose ends; wouldn’t have had to come here at all if someone hadn’t thought to be a sneaky son of a bitch.” Yeah, Finn’s tired of playing their little games. He doesn’t have time to be falsely polite.

Hunter’s eyes tighten. “They obviously thought they had a reason to put forward those concerns.”

“On what grounds? I’ve spent the last month and a half been questioned and critiqued and they’ve found nothing. In fact, many are embarrassed that this was even a problem to begin with.”

“On what grounds? Just the fact that you defected from the First order is fishy enough! No one did that before you or after; seems like foul play does it not?”

“Obviously it was not.” Finn is getting real tired of this conversation. “Face it Hunter – you lost and you’re going to lose your Chancellor’s seat as well. Get over yourself.”

Hunter’s face turns red and his eyes bug out. “How dare you speak to me in such a matter!”

“You disrespectful asshat, I’ll speak to you however I want.” Maybe Finn’s taking it too far, but he doesn’t care. This man is the scum of the galaxy.

“I can have your prosecuted for this!”

“For insulting you? Yeah, you do that – I’m sure you’ll get full support.”

Thing is, Finn hasn’t really said much to rile up the man so it comes as a surprise when the next thing Finn knows he’s about to be punched.

Bad move.

Finn’s been training to be a soldier his whole life. That clumsy half-assed weak punch is child’s play for him. Quick as a wink he grabs the first in his bare hand – that’s how weak the punch is – and twists the arm behind Hunter’s back.

Immediately, Hunter’s two guards step forward drawing their blasters, but Finn just calmly pushes Hunter away from him and steps back. The guard that Tristan insisted Finn always brings with him also steps forwards with his own blaster. A few people have stopped to gawk at the spectacle. Everyone knows Hunter is in the wrong and so nobody gets in Finn’s way as he turns and strides down the hall and away from the mess.

“I’m sorry sir. I should have been more vigilant,” his guard says.

Finn laughs. “Don’t be – that man can’t throw a punch to save his life.”

His guard laughs as well.

An hour later Tristan finds him, eyes wide with awe. “You smart son of a bitch.”

Now Finn’s lost. “Umm thanks?”

“How did you do it? Like really how did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Make Hunter lose his temper! That man is always so unflappable, always has something up his sleeve. Like I know I’ve done a lot, but I’ve never been able to crack that man.”

Finn wants to laugh, but then he also doesn’t. He knows why Hunter lost his cool. “That man just hates me for who I am, for who I represent. Nothing more to it.”

At that Tristan pauses and frowns. “What do you mean?”

“He came up to me eager for a fight and all I did was call him a few names then he snapped. He can’t stand the fact that someone like me won.”

Finn can see the moment Tristan understands and he grimaces. “I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised.”

Finn shrugs. “Never thought he would act on it, so yeah it was a surprise to me too.”

“Well, either way, I have to thank you. That little incident puts a big tarnish on Hunter’s record. If we play are cards right he might have to step down as Chancellor.”

Well that’s certainly something.

“Wait, does that mean I have to stick around for awhile longer.”

Tristan smirks. “Just a bit.”

Finn sighs – he’s starting to see how Poe got stuck in this mess for so long.

When he gets home Poe is already there fiddling with Finn’s medical droid. He had fixed it up like promised and calibrated it to work to Finn’s liking but Finn always complains that there’s something off with it so Poe is always trying to work out what.

Truth of the matter is – there’s nothing wrong — it works perfectly, just Finn prefers it when Poe puts on the bacta himself. And yes, he does feel slightly guilty for deceiving Poe, but he’s pretty sure the other man knows what he’s doing – he never seems frustrated when he has to do it himself or has to tinker with another feature. Kriff, Finn loves the man.

“Heard you caused quite the ruckus today.”

Finn sits down on the couch with a sigh. “The incident was barely over five minutes in total and yet it’s going to extend my stay by at least two more months. I was this close to being free. This close!” Finn holds his thumb and finger close together.

Poe laughs. “I told you this would happen.”

“Yeah well hopefully something good will come out of all this.”

Poe hums. “Hunter’s too much of a leach to go quietly.”

“I don’t care how he goes as long as he goes.”

“True that.”

“So, how’d your appointment go today?”

Usually Poe shrugs or sometimes he stiffens or on good days just answers nonchalantly. Today though Poe turns to Finn with a smile.

Has Finn ever said that Poe’s smile is beautiful? Well it is.

“I think we made some kind of break through – after the session this woman was in the reception area with her dog and it bounced over to me before any of us know what was happening and jumped up and to me and started licking my face… I was fine! It was a bit weird, but I didn’t seize up and start hyperventilating like I would have done before.”

“That’s amazing!” Finn breathes. He’s so happy for Poe – this amazing man has been struggling with this problem for too long now and to hear he’s made progress. It makes his heart want to burst.

They link hands – their way of showing each other their love and support

“I really want you to be able to touch me without causing me harm.” Poe says.

“And I want that too, but I’m also fine with this. I love you and I’m so proud of you.”

Poe’s eyes sparkle and yes Finn so badly wants to kiss Poe, but this is enough. This is more than he’s ever wished for.

“And you?” Poe asks. “I haven’t heard you screaming for the last week. Have things gotten better or has your insomnia gotten worse again.”

Finn squeezes Poe’s hands. “I’ve actually been getting around four hours of sleep each night.” And for him, well, that is definitely a milestone.

He has started seeing a psychiatrist and while the first one had suggested sleeping pills which he was vehemently against – being trapped in the nightmare would be so much worse – this next one has been able to get Finn to talk through his horrors and come to terms with some of them. Finn has to admit, it’s helped a lot.

“Look at us, slowly healing,” Poe says.

“Soon we’ll be normal in no time,” Finn jokes.

Poe wrinkles his nose. “Ahh, who needs normal? I prefer weirdly extraordinary.”

“Okay,” Finn laughs, “Soon we’ll be weirdly extraordinary.”

+

Poe stares down at the form not quite believing that he is one signature away from this being over. His resignation. Retirement. Whatever you want to call it.

Well maybe not retirement – he’s going to be helping Pava and Karé teach students how to fly. He’ll be teaching the necessary groundwork info, which there’s surprisingly a lot of. When he first started flight school he had expected to jump right into flying. He had been flying all his life at that point so hadn’t realized that others hadn’t. The first year they hadn’t been able to go up in the air at all. It had been pure torture to the younger Poe who knew most of the material due to actual experience. He was miles ahead of the other students, but because the school was stuck to regime and propriety he hadn’t been allowed to quickly advance. In the end it was a benefit since Poe really learned his stuff. Still didn’t stop him from hating it at the time.

And when they were finally allowed to go up in the air? Well it was no surprise that he was the best around – even better than his teachers, but none of them would boost his ego by admitting it. They didn’t need to. Poe knew. He also unbeknownst to them had been taking his personal jet up in the air for the entirety of that first year. Nothing could have grounded him.

…Except for an extreme, compressed torture that killed him…

Anyways, Poe is going to be teaching the groundwork – mechanics, droid speak, tactics and strategy – that sort of thing. And yes, he’s well aware of the irony of that. Still, he’s excited.

He’s going to take a little break first before he starts though. Or well not break – he’s going to stay on Naboo till the mess between Finn and Hunter is sorted out then together the two of them are going back to Olcrest City.

At least the whole mess with Finn’s innocence in question because he was a Stormtrooper is put to rest. It is official that Finn was never part of the planning that aimed to bring the First Order to power. Not that it should have been a problem but Poe digresses.

Thankfully, due to the way the whole affair was managed the public has been completely unaware of everything that has been going on and with the recent annual Remembrance Day where Finn was showcased alongside Poe, the public viewed Finn as the rightful hero that he is.

Hunter is not so fortunate.

The news of him attacking Finn spread like wildfire and the public is up in arms. It’s the number one news story and the public is calling for Hunter to step down.

It’s quite the mess and Poe feels a bit guilty for enjoying it since Finn wishes it would all be over – but Poe’s been hoping that Hunter will pay his dues and now that’s finally happening.

It also helps that Poe is officially stepping down.

His replacement is a non-binary individual by the name of Blanca Pere. They actually have schooling in political-economy, business, socialism economics, and communications.

Poe had felt quite inadequate when reading over their credentials. Of course, he is still wary. Credentials are one thing, but Hunter has a lot of credentials under his belt and look where that has him.

As soon as he met Blanca, however, he knows he is leaving Yavin IV in good hands. They are also from Yavin IV and care deeply for the place and spent a good portion of the meeting complimenting Poe’s work while also informing him of charges or improvements that can be made.

They promise to keep him updated and Poe’s assured that the many governors, premiers, and mayors that he’s grown friendly with will contact him if they feel things are going off the rails.

He doubts that will happen.

From their many talks him and Blanca share much of the same views and have similar hopes of where Yavin IV can go except Blanca actually has the wherewithal to make it happen.

Yes, Poe is leaving the job in good hands.

So, without further ado, he signs the form and that’s that.

“Good luck comrade,” Poe says, “you’ll need it.”

Blanca laughs. “Thanks, it’s an honor to take your place.”

Poe almost scoffs at that, but holds it in. He’s found that most people have a higher view of him than he does for himself. It’s easier to just go with it.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll do better than I ever did. Watch out for Woorthington – he has some sly tricks up his sleeves and never trust a word that comes out of Lively’s mouth.”

“No offense, but you’ve told me all this before.”

Poe laughs. “Just don’t want to throw you to the wolves blind.”

“I really appreciate it sir.”

“Oh don’t with the sir. Kriff.”

Blanca laughs. “You were a General. It’s only proper.”

Poe rolls his eyes, but grins. “Okay, okay. Well take care.”

And he’s free. He can hardly believe it. This calls for a celebration… or will that be too provoking? Finn is far from being free, so perhaps it’s best if they wait till both of them are done.

Well, it can’t hurt for them to at least go out to a fancy dinner, right?

Decided, he hurries off to find Finn, brimming with a strange energy that he hasn’t felt in forever. He had no idea what a drag being Senator would take on him. He can feel the layers of stress, worry and tense vigilance slipping off his body and he feels buoyant.

He feels amazing.

Then, he sees Finn and before he even registers what he’s doing, he’s running towards his love. “Finn!”

Finn turns around and smiles that beautiful smile of his and Poe can’t help it, he jumps into Finn’s arms flinging his arms around Finn’s neck.

Dimly he’s aware that something isn’t right. Finn’s body is stiff at first and his arms do not wrap around Poe.

Something is nudging at the back of Poe’s consciousness, but he’s overwhelmed by Finn’s scent that he chooses not to focus on it. He’s a bit concerned that Finn isn’t hugging him back though. Does Finn not want to hug Poe?

But then, slowly as if Finn is afraid that Poe will fall apart, Finn brings his arms up and hesitantly holds onto Poe.

That nagging at the back of Poe’s head gets stronger. Finn is holding him so gently like he’s a fragile object… oh wait.

Poe slowly pulls back. Not because it hurts, but because it doesn’t.

He was so elated to see Finn that he had for a minute forgotten about his touch aversion. And that hug – when he threw himself into Finn’s arms, it hadn’t hurt.

Poe can not even comprehend what a milestone this is.

Finn is staring at him in wonder and shock, his hands still feather light on his back, like he’s scared – and rightfully so – that he’ll do harm. At the moment though Poe feels fine.

Gingerly, Poe falls back into Finn’s arms and to be wrapped around the person he loves is the most wonderful feeling ever.

This time, Finn is a bit surer of himself and holds onto Poe a little bit tighter and it feels wonderful.

He feels something wet on his cheek and realizes that Finn is crying. Poe clutches his hands in fists at the back of Finn’s shirt and his own eyes tear up.

They are finally hugging.

Finn’s comm beeps jerking them back to reality and they slowly untangle. Both of them are a mess, but thankfully BB8 is there to hand out tissues. Poe isn’t sure what to say. Is there anything to say? Is Poe cured?

Finn looks like he’s without words as well.

His comm beeps again.

“Finn here.”

“Finn can you come give your statement to the 231 newscorp?” Tristan’s assistant asks.

Finn sighs, but puts on his game face. “Be right there.”

Poe doesn’t want him to go. Not after this.

But he can’t very well ask him to stay either.

“Sorry… I’ve…” Finn says.

“Go, we’ll talk after.”

Finn nods, regret in his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And Finn leaves, but it’s not all bad. For the first time, Poe feels hope about his predicament.

Later, Finn meets Poe at an upper end restaurant he looks excited while also uncertain. Poe wants to try again. It can’t have been a one off and he’s been waiting for this all afternoon.

He stands up and moves in for a hug, which Finn eagerly goes for.

As son as Finn’s hands make contact with his body that old, awful, familiar feeling of revulsion kicks in and he stumbles backwards, knocking over a glass on the table. It falls and shatters to the ground.

The tables near them turn and stare.

Poe is filled with this instant self-loathing. Why?

Why can’t he let the person he loves touch him?

Why is he cursed like this? What did he do to deserve this?

And he had been fine!! He had hugged Finn with no ill effects and he was fine – it felt great even! And now?

What the fuck is wrong with him?

He’s about to bolt out of the restaurant, away from Finn who he can’t even look at. He’s so ashamed.

Why can’t he have this one thing?

“Don’t.”

Poe jerks his eyes to Finn even though he doesn’t want to, but Finn’s voice is too powerful. Too compelling.

“Two days ago, what did you say to me?”

Poe wracks his brains but comes up with nothing. Or well lots of things, but nothing that seems important. He shakes his head.

“I had just woken up from a horrible nightmare, the fist one I’d had in a week and a half, and this one had been really bad. I was shaking and crying and couldn’t get the images out of my head. But most of all I was angry at myself. A week and a half I had been fine. Why were they coming back? What had I done wrong? That sound familiar?” 

Poe nods his head. He remembers now.

“And what did you say to me?”

“There’s always going to be set backs. Take it one day at a time.”

“Exactly, I can’t expect to stop having nightmares altogether. Kriff, I’ll probably still have nightmares from time to time – I know you do and so does Rey and Rose and the others, but they aren’t all the time and that’s what I’m working towards. You’re going to have set backs with your touch aversion too, and that’s okay.”

And yeah, when Finn puts it that way… it’s just that – “I’m so tired of it.”

“I know, but one day at a time, right?”

Poe manages a weak smile. “Right.” He then looks around at the restaurant, the atmosphere for celebrating gone. “I don’t want to eat here.”

“Then let’s go home and I’ll make something.”

“No, you shouldn’t have to –”

“Hey stop. I like cooking – I get to choose exactly what I want and make it how I like. What’s not to love?”

And that brings an actual smile to Poe’s face. “Well when you put it that way.”

Finn laughs. “Come on.”

And so they go home. Finn makes pasta and it’s excellent and while the mood is still a little down, it’s alright.

After all, one day at a time.

One day.


	14. Chapter 14

“I do not remember being taken. My birth mom says I was six at the time, old enough that I should remember, but the First Order takes that from you.

“Through condition, punishment and brain washing I forgot about my old life. Replaced was the belief that I was always part of the First Order – a unit amongst many.

“Yet, every Stormtrooper knows that’s not quite right. After all, there are no babies and we weren’t allowed to create them either. The new cadets have to come from somewhere.

“Stormtroopers did not live in a bubble no matter how much the First Order wished that to be the case. Especially since they were a growing, underground organization influences and information trickled in among the troupes.

“We knew how the outer galaxy worked for the most part, so we knew about family, about mothers and fathers, aunts, uncles and everything in between. It did not take much of a leap to realize that we should have grown up like that but we didn’t.

“We didn’t remember out past lives, but we knew that whatever it was – there was a reason why we had ended up here now.

“Mine was because my parents sold me thinking they were giving me a better future. A deal too good to be true as they soon realized. My tale is one that is probably common, though the First Order did buy out many orphanages as well.

“I say this today because I want people to recognize how we Stormtroopers had no choice in our part in becoming who we became. We were children put through years of abuse to make perfect, loyal soldiers.

“I have not talked about this before because I was ashamed. Ashamed of being a Stormtrooper, of what I was a part of. I wanted to forget, even though it’ll always be a part of me. However, I am in the unique position where I saw what was wrong and escaped.

“Hunter does not believe that I broke free of my conditioning. He believes that I’m a spy from the First Order sent to rise them from the ashes. He kept this belief boiled inside of him and he was going to persecute me for it before I cleared my name of any such connection.

“As such he was very angry and attacked me. He attacked me for something I had no control over. For something that I wish I was never a part of. Yet I can’t separate myself from my past, so he will always hate me. He is blinded by a misplace rage that he can’t see beyond and so I ask all of you – is this type of temperament you want in your Chancellor? Someone who can’t conceive that people can change, that people don’t have to follow through on what they’re taught. That people can be good even if everything is trying to make them not be.

“I beat the odds. I changed my fate and helped start the revolution against the First Order. Shouldn’t that be celebrated?

“So why was I attacked? Haven’t I been through enough? And why is the person who attacked me deemed appropriate to lead this galaxy?”

That is the speech Finn gave in the Senate room. It is recorded and aired all throughout the galaxy. It is also the speech that people pointed to as the reason Hunter is forced to step down as Chancellor.

There of course is more to it than that, but since when does anybody care about the nitty gritty details of politics behind closed doors? Finn certainly doesn’t and he was a part of the process.

Frankly, it has been all just a big blur to him. There has been a lot of interviews, debates, discussions, and deal making. All of which Hunter’s group tried to drag out but Mandi and Tristan were having none of it.

It culminated with Finn’s speech, but at that point Finn is fairly certain it was a done deal already.

Either way it’s over and there is going to be an election to pick the next Chancellor. Tristan is a favourite to win.

And he does.

But Finn and Poe are long gone from Naboo at this point. They are back at Olcrest City, working at the school.

It’s still quite small, but they have major dreams of expanding and everyone involved knows that it’ll be possible. Especially since their students all seem eager to stay on and help.

Everyone falls into a steady rhythm, slowly letting the horrors of the war fade. It will never leave them, but they know that is no longer front and centre in their lives and that is good enough.

It is a beautiful day and Finn has let his students off early to enjoy it. While they do that, he goes off to search for Poe.

He finds the man making repairs on an X-Wing, grease lining his cheek and his clothes a mess, but still the most handsome man Finn has ever laid eyes on.

Poe has improved tremendously since becoming a teacher. He still has touch aversion, but it’s improved leaps and bounds to the point that he can accept most hugs – which is truly spectacular since Finn’s loves to hug Poe.

Poe sees him and sure enough grins brightly jumping to his feet and jogging over to Finn pulling him into a light hug.

“I though you had class.”

“Let them have the rest of the day off.”

“You’re going easy!” Poe exclaims eyes bright.

Finn laughs. “Nah, they’ll just be stuck with a double meditation session tomorrow.”

Poe chuckles. “Ouch.”

Finn stares at Poe. The light is hitting him just right and he looks beautiful – he’s healthy, there’s a blush to his cheeks and his eyes contains signs of life. So different from the man who was trying to be a Senator.

Like so many times before, he wishes he can kiss him.

“What?” Poe asks, a touch self-conscious as he notes that Finn is staring at him.

“I wish I could kiss you,” Finn admits. He hasn’t ever told Poe this before not wanting to make him feel guilty, but it’s the truth and for some reason it comes out today.

Poe pauses and looks Finn over, but not with sadness or regret. No, with something else.

“You can… if you want.”

Finn stares at Poe, not believing he heard him correctly.

Poe nods, smiling slightly.

And so Finn does, leaning forward and kissing Poe on the lips and it’s perfect it’s everything he’s ever wanted. And Poe leans into the kiss, hungry and asking for more – and who is Finn to deny the man when that’s what he wants too?

So he obliges.

+

Several years later after they are certain they go through with the joining ceremony. They become life partners, bound by the soul.

It’s a private ceremony that won’t be shared here but know that Finn and Poe discussed this joining long and hard and both agreed to go through with it.

They’ve taken life’s biggest challenges and came through all the stronger so why not accept what is wanted of them?

So they go through with it, and everything is right in the universe.

The end.


End file.
